This is the Paraphrased and dysfunctional version of Edgar Allen Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher" No i am not the author of D. Gray Man nor am i Edgar Allan Poe, otherwise i would be having people question me as to why i said i died and why am i still here. Now that is settled, Onward!
It was a boring, dull, dark, soundless day as Allen Walker rode his-
“What?! Why am I here and why must the day be like this?” Allen Walker calls out to the chick that is writing this fanfic, clueless to what was about to happen. But it was not his fault since the author chick neglected to explain to the D. Gray-man cast that this fanfic is based on The Fall of the House of Usher.
“How are we all going to fit in this story?”
“I refuse to take part.” Yu Kanda growls in the corner. The story has not even started and already the author is getting a little miffed.
You don’t have a choice Yu-kun! And I will figure out the cast along the way.
“How about I run you through with my Mugen?”
Yeah, wouldn’t it be great if you actually have your Mugen? Author Powers!
Seeing that he couldn’t argue, Kanda returned to his corner and said no more. Now with all the pre-this-is-a-fanfic drama settled, the author continued the story. Allen rode in on his horse. His long lost acquaintance Komui Lee had called him to-
“Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends?”
Komui? What are you doing with Jerry? Never mind. Don’t answer that question because I’m afraid to know.
“Jerry wants to be in the fanfic too!”
Uh…
“Please?”
“How come Jerry gets to be in this and I don’t?!” Lavi asked the author lady, who at this point is ready to shred a few people for butting in.
I have a part for you Lavi, but it’s later on in the story and yes Jerry is allowed in this too I suppose. Now does anyone else have something to say?
“I don’t-“
Shut up Kanda! I already gave you my answer. Now can we please continue with this already-gone-to-pots story?!
Taking the silence as the answer, author chick continued. Now Komui was not as active as he was before-
“That’s a condemnable lie!!!”
Work with it and shut up! –and his sweet sister Lenalee was deathly sick.
“WHAT!?! NOOOOO! LENALEE!”
“Nii-san shut it!” the dark greenish haired girl said as she used her dark boots to knock out her brother, also earning her a smile, thumbs up and a thank you from the ever so annoyed author. When Allen reached the house, he stood in awe.
“Th-th-that’s Krory’s Castle!!!”
Yes it is. Thank you for being so observant. Indeed it was the ever-feared manor of Count Krory. It is here to replace the head quarters in which I was planning to use until Lavi and Komui destroyed it.
“Yeah, that was great!”
Thank you Lavi for the unnecessary input. Anyways…Allen walked up to the door and knocked.
“There are no flowers in here right?”
Huh?
“You know, the ones Master Cross made me-“
Oh yeah! Those flowers! Nah you’re clear. Anyways Allen knocks on the door to be greeted by-
“Allen! Welcome!!”
“AAAAHHH!!! I think this is worse than the flowers!”
Breathe in, breathe out. Ok. Komui! Jerry! You are making this longer than need be! Let’s get going! I swear I need to put a leash on the both of them if I ever want this story to end. After being mauled by the two…um…men, Allen stepped inside the Krory Manor. The place was old and had that musty smell, like when you walk into a really old cathedral…why is the science team here as well?
“We came to make sure the supervisor stays focused. Plus he has paper work to complete as well.”
Author lady cried out in relief. God bless you!!!! Komui and Jerry gave him a tour of the manor and introduced him to Lenalee.
“Huh? I thought I was supposed to be a vegetable!”
Well…this story was screwed over already so I am letting you loose. If anything-
“I have allergies due to the fact that my brother won’t clean up this hell hole that he calls a house.”
Pleased with Lenalee’s solution to the problem and the analogy of the house, the author lady stuck with that.
“My house is not a hell hole and- LENALEE DON’T DIE!!!”
As Komui wailed over his sister who just had a serious allergy problem and not AIDS or cancer, the author lady called Squad Leader Reever to get Komui out of this scene and make him sign some papers or something just to get the nuisance to shut up for a little bit.
“Let me go Reever! I’ll…I know what I can do!”
As the rather odd house owner ran, Allen, Lenalee, the science team, those people currently not in the story, and the author lady just stood there; not knowing if they should be scared.
“Do you think…”
Unfortunatly yes. Author lady thinks the sibling of Ms. Lee went off to create the next Komurin. Going back to the
“AUUUGH!!!”
“Crap that was Krory! I want out! I want out! I want out!”
Allen shut before I make you. Krory can you explain this sudden outburst? The vampire exorcist sniffled.
“Kanda was eating soba and I wanted to try and eat some too! It tasted horrible!”
Kanda rolled his eyes, knowing he would probably not hear the end of this one. As the science team escorted both the emo and the vampire off the set, author lady began to bang her head against the door repeating ‘Thou shalt not kill’ as she visualized this fanfic going down the hill even further than before. The author continued on.
It was creepy enough of Komui to call Allen to take care of him-
“Is the science team struggling to watch over him?”
After contemplating a little, author lady decides that the science team was really the ones who called the Destroyer of Time to baby sit Komui since Lenalee was sick in a decrepit, musty, rickety house with cracks and cobwebs.
“Is it really that bad?” Krory sniffled.
To put it bluntly, this caveman dwelling place would be condemned by the federal health inspectors.
“The equivalent to your room correct?”
After shanking Kanda in the side with her chopsticks, the author lady pressed on.
As Lenalee rested in her room, Dr. Bookman came down to talk to Allen.
“Wait. When did geezer-panda become a doctor?”
“Quiet you fool!” Dr. Bookman said as he knocked out Lavi. Hoping to save some part of the story, Allen asked about Lenalee’s well being. Dr. Bookman looked down and showed no expression on his weathered face.
“I do not have any remedies to help her. She may not survive this s-“
Hearing such news, Komui ran from the debris field he calls his office into the main room as the author debated on whether or not she should break into her mother’s emergency wine cabinet.
“Hold on. Lenalee is going to die from allergies?” Lavi asks, earning yet another kick in the face by Dr. Bookman.
“Baka! I don’t have allergy medication because Zyrtec is expensive and the author’s mother’s pharmacy is too far away, and she won’t survive in Hotel Termite Paradise!”
As the record keepers argued off the scene and Krory cried, author lady yet again attempts to continue the story without interruption, and unfortunately that is looking like it is going to end up to being the equivalent to wish for snow in her hometown. Allen walks up the stairs-
“With Komui and Jerry!”
Fine. Allen walked upstairs with Komui and Jerry, to Lenalee’s room.
The sister laid in the bed, in peace like an-
“BOOKMAN YOU ARE A DEADMAN!”
That’s it! Author Lady has had it! Kanda! You are replacing Komui for a short amount of time until he can get his act together!
“I told you I am not taking part of your stupid-“
Need I remind you that I still possess your precious Mugen? If you want to have this anti-akuma weapon returned to you in the same condition it was confiscated, maybe even a little better, then you better get your sorry hind end that you for some reason call a butt in there! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR YOU WHINY SOBA OBSESSED EMO WHO CAN’T SEEM TO POSSIBLY BE FIGHTING WITH THE AUTHOR AT THIS VERY MOMENT!?!?! With a mixture of fear and frustration, Kanda obeyed the author’s demands and took the spot of Komui, while the science team dragged the now barbaric brother away. Kanda and Allen and Jerry looked at Lenalee’s cold body and reluctantly put it in one of Count Krory’s custom made coffins. Allen looked up.
“Krory has custom made coffins?”
After a brief pause, author lady looked at Krory and asked him the same question. The count smiled a little.
“Well, you don’t leave dead bodies out in the open for time to ravage them!”
“So Lenalee’s dead? Author Lady! This story is way to creepy!” Allen whined to Author Lady. Edgar Allan Poe wrote the original story so therefore it must be creepy. And FYI, the original is also creepier than this attempted fanfic. As the writer continued to explain to Allen the differences in the story, Kanda and Jerry placed the lid on the coffin. Allen and Kanda carried it to the catacombs beneath the ancient building, also putting an end to Kanda’s part and bringing back the ever so distraught Komui. As Kanda left and began questioning Krory as to why he never buried the akuma in the tombs, the three mourners continued upstairs.
Three days passed since the funeral, and Allen, Komui and Jerry sat together in the lobby, bored out of their minds and tired from all of the events. Annoyed by the silence, the writer gives Allen a book to read out loud.
“The Shadowmancer Returns. I won’t read it.”
Would you rather read the fairy tale that Poe had the narrator read?
“…Chapter 28. I am skipping paragraphs”
Fine by me.
“Set them free or as Riathamus is my witness, I will sever your hand and dip it in wax and it will light my…Komui, you own a dipped light up hand?”
Komui looked behind him.
“I am not morbid and would never do something like that!”
Author lady has no part in this! Starting to shake in fear, Allen continued.
“…Whilst stalking them in the shadows was a red eyed beast-“
“Komui! Look! I see red eyes! It’s the beast!”
This was also kind of worrying the author who started to ponder if writing this section was a good idea, or even just thinking about this section at all.
“Ok. I am reading one more sentence! This is way too creepy! Isabella began to scream as she rattled the bars of her prison-“
“NII-SAN!!!!!”
As Jerry passed out, Allen and Komui ran and found Lenalee’s coffin moving as she tried to escape. Wait a minute. You idiots actually nailed the cof-
“Don’t worry Lenalee! Komurin will get you out!”
The author of this fanfic found it an excellent time to send Lavi into the story and let him do whatever he wanted. As Allen ran away, he could hear in the background Lenalee destroying Komurin, making Lavi’s role pointless, Komui screaming and crying as the science team went after him.
“This can’t get any worse!”
Allen looked back and saw an akuma on top of the house, ready to-
“Big Hammer, Little Hammer, Grow, Grow, Grow, Grow!”
“Lavi! Lenalee and Komui are-“
Before Allen could finish, Lavi had demolished Castle Krory, causing the Krory Waterworks to start again. Seeing that the story was finally over, the author lady walked off, not wanting to deal with or affiliate with anything else of the Fall of the House of Komui.
