I'm sorry. I usually hate ranting about my life in public. But I've left my mouth stitched shut for what feels like so long and it's been wearing down on me and I need someone to listen.
Lately I've been feeling "lost". For the longest time I've known exactly who I was (a loud, strong and independent girl) but lately I've been feeling ostracized from myself. Anime is, for the most part, a bore and everything else feels like a chore. The only certain mine of happiness comes from talking to the guy I like because it seems like he cares for me like I care for him, but at night I think about him and telling him about how I feel and my stomach turns into the tightest knots thinking about hearing the words "No, I don't like you back."
After four months of tiring emotional torture and boredom I've tried to comfort myself be becoming self-indulgent but all I can hear is "You're selfish. You're foolish. All your future successes come at a price and that price will leave you broke and broken."
For most of my life I've known what career I wanted to pursue (writing) but all of a sudden writing is a bore and other careers seem interesting and new (musician, graphic design, composer, movie director) but all come with a flaws and what used to be a steady rock of certainty has become a deep well of confusion and I don't know how to climb out.
I've always who's enjoyed trying to plan my future but with a sudden flurry of uncertainty it's become a white blizzard, with me moving forward taking each step just trying to keep my footing, hoping that each step I take isn't a mistake, that it won't send me falling down into snow that is who knows how deep and who knows how long it will take me to get back up.
Once again, I'm sorry, I usually don't like to make posts like this, but after listening to Instructions for a Bad Day I must follow it. I can't stay silent any longer.
Thank you for listening.
