I'll start with the thoughts on stuff first, then I'll update you on other basic things on a second page (so if you don't want to deal with deep/depressing fluff, you can just skip to the next page).

I've been thinking on stuff during this past week, and, well, I'll separate it into different sections in order to be able to organize these thoughts -

Self-Worth: I mention this because I've basically been a slug... "slug" this past week. I've hardly left the house (probably been lacking some vitamin D by now) and haven't been around inside, either. I put "slug" into parenthesis because while I feel like I have been doing some stuff and improving myself on stuff (been almost consistently working on Russian and Swedish, reading online articles and learning other random stuff about the world) I feel like I'm mostly just spinning my wheels. I try and create the illusion that I'm doing real work by watching anime (and keeping My Anime List up to date) and by playing video games, but ultimately that sort of stuff doesn't teach you much, does it? That's partially why I started my new fanfic, in order to feel like I'm doing something. But even then, I feel like I'm not really progressing. Which brings up the question - where does the feeling of progression (and, therefore, self-worth) come from? Does it come from internal acceptance, or does it come from your external actions? Or does it come from others' validation? I'm certain validation from others has at least something to do with it, which my help explain my predicament - the only people I've really been talking to are my parents, and they haven't been super encouraging of the stuff I've been working on lately.

Friendship (and how it lasts): I honestly feel odd about this one, because, well... while my friends used to be super tight knit and everything, I feel like lately that's turned a little rotten... lately it doesn't seem like we're super motivated to spend time with one another, and that we're beginning to distance ourselves in preparation for our lives to go different directions. Which is odd, because I have friends online whom I haven't spent near as much time with as I've spent with my other friends, but I still feel close to them... maybe it's because we've been friends for longer or because our friendship isn't dependent on whether one of us can hang out or not, but it still feels odd... it's as if the things you'd normally value (such as time together or kindness) in a friendship aren't really valuable, the only thing that matters is amount of real-life crap you've gone through together... if that makes sense...

Achieving a Life Dream: I've said this before, but I want to travel the world - I think writing travel blog would be a wonderful job. But not only that, I want to know stuff, things that would help me understand the world so much easier and be able to make and believe in my own thoughts and beliefs, as well as understand other's thoughts and beliefs. The problem with this is that it all takes money. Obviously travelling the world will cost money, double majoring in English and History (which I've been hoping to do) will take more time and hence more money, taking more credit hours will take more effort, and the more I think about it the more I feel like my life dream will not only be difficult, it would be virtually impossible. I see people like Markiplier achieving their dreams and absolutely loving their life and I wonder how I will ever reach the point that they have. Overall, it's been fairly overwhelming...

Okay, well, those are the thoughts, next page for the update -->