Pit of Bears

It was a gloomy afternoon when I got myself lost in the Great Wanamingo Woods on that November day. Before that, I was eating a sandwich I had packed in my beloved picnic basket, sitting on the quilt my mum had stitched together for me, using my father's old military fatigues. I was basking in the warm glow of the sun, when before me appeared a large shadow. I heard a terrible roar, and then something hairy struck my face hard. I was in a daze, and when I finally came to my senses, I found myself lost in the woods, stripped of my pantaloons and the bow tie my aunt had given me, and wondering what had happened.

I flailed around for what seemed like days, but what would, in fact, turn out to be mere minutes. Every path I took, I saw the same thing. Empty honey combs and honey pots lay strewn about. Picnic baskets, of an inferior quality next to mine, were torn to pieces and thrown haphazardly to the ground. The air was thick with the smell of potato salad and split-pea soup. As I observed my surroundings, I noticed something very odd: the woodland inhabitants kept their distance from this great mess, as if terrified by the mere site of bangers 'n' mash and balsa wood.

I followed the trail until I came to a large house in the middle of the forest. It was of a Victorian style, and looked older than the trees it stood by. The house had been painted white, but the color had dulled to a grey with age, and seemed to be stripped away in some areas. The windows on the second story had all been violently broken, as had the windows on the first floor, save for the two windows next to the front door on the deck. When I looked to the roof, I observed, to my astonishment, a large metal chute coming up from the middle of the house. It did not look like a chimney, but more like some kind of device for shooting a large object over great distances.

I cautiously stepped forward, onto the creeky deck. The wood that held it together had rotted ages ago. I looked around me. Silence. I noticed a squirrel standing near a bush by the house. His eyes were wide with fear, and he was waving his arms toward me, as if to tell me, "Come back! Come back! It isn't safe where you are!" To prove my superiority over this fearful creature, I knocked on the front door. Dust and wood shavings rained down on top of me. I heard loud footsteps from inside the house. My heart pounded in fear, and my stomach sank.

The door flew open. There before me stood a humongous, bear-like creature. He had the head of a bear, as well as the body of a bear. His entire person was covered in brown fur. He had four paws, and seemed to walk on his hind legs. The only extravagances that separated this creature from bears was the fact that he was wearing pantaloons and a bow tie, both of which looked curiously like the ones I had had taken from me.

The creature sniffed me over violently, then stuck his muzzle in my face, peering into my eyes with his own black, beady eyes. He then bared his horrific, dagger-like teeth at me. I heard a guttural growl from the bottom of his throat, and suddenly he roared at me:

"rrrrRRRRRRGETINHUMAN! GETINORI'LLKILLYOURRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrr...."

Without warning, he grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me into the house. I fell to the ground hard, and quickly picked myself up. I had a quick look around. From inside, the house was kept in horrible repair, with foliage and filth lying about and hanging on the walls, and no furniture of any kind to be seen.

I thought it a bit rude of this creature to treat me, his guest, in such a manner, but, still, I perceived. "I say," I began, "this is a very nice house you've got here. A bit ragged in some spots, but-"

Without a word, the creature grabbed me by the back of the neck, and took me to a door underneath an old stairway. He threw open the door, and tossed me inside. I tried to get up, but, unbeknownst to me, there was another staircase in this room, leading down to a hidden room at the bottom of the house. I tumbled down these stairs, and hit the bottom hard.

I looked up. The room was pitch black, except for a dim torch that was lit in the middle of the room. I could see nothing, except for the outlines of the inhabitants of the room: gigantic bears, bears the size of three men, bears most terrifying. They seemed frozen in place, their eyes locked on me. I heard a booming voice, its location of origin I still do not know:

"LOOK TO THE HUMAN, FRIENDS! WE HAVE ANOTHER MESSAGE TO SEND! BEGIN THE BEARIFICATION PROCESS!"

Immediately, I felt giant paws ripping off my coat and shirt, leaving my only in my undergarments, pulling my arms, stretching them left and right, holding down my legs. I felt them covering my arms, my entire body, in a sticky substance that smelled of glue. They then covered me in a furry substance, and one of them held a blow dryer to me, slowly pointing it at various spots, blowing hot wind in an attempt to dry the substance placed on me before. I then felt a dozen or so paws lift me up and stuff me in a metal contraption, slamming a steel door behind me. I was scared for a moment, but then I looked up and saw the sky from a small opening high above me. I heard some rustling from the other side of the door, then finally, a booming voice:

"HUMAN! TELL THEM WHAT YOU LEARNED HERE TODAY! TELL THEM OF OUR WORKS! TELL THEM THAT ALL OF HUMANITY SHOULD RIGHTLY FEAR US!"

Then, a dozen booming voices cried out:

"WE, WHO ARE BEARS, SALUTE YOU!"

Suddenly, I felt a great rush from underneath me, like an explosion. I felt my entire body propelled, through the shoot, through the opening at the top, and finally into the air. I felt very disoriented, and tried as hard as I could to gather my bearings. I looked down, and saw the old house, the entire Great Wanamingo Wood, underneath me. I looked at my body, and saw that, indeed, the bears had covered me in glue, and put fur on me. I felt myself begin to fall back down to Earth. I began to coast down to the small town in which I lived. I felt the velocity with which I fell increase, until I fell onto the Earth with a hard thud.

It too a little while for the shooting pain to subside long enough for me to stand. When I did, I noticed that the librarian was standing before me. She was a tall woman, with long blonde hair, brown eyes that were obscured by glasses, and a long green dress. She has a concerned look on her face.

"Sir, are you okay? I saw that you came from the sky and fell, and was concerned for your safety," she said to me.

"I am fine. I was in the woods, and met some fine fellows, a pack of bears, who covered me in fur and threw me into the air with the intent delivering a message to you and the rest of mankind, although I must admit that I do not know exactly what the message was, as they did not specify it," I told her.

"Well, it's probably for the best that you do not remember, as it must not have been that important. In any case, you are standing right outside my library, and I must insist that you come in. I will tend to your wounds, if you have any," she said, quite concerned.

"I do not think I am seriously injured, but I shall come in. I have such a story to tell, and I must tell it to someone. I believe I have seen you around town. My name is Fredric," I said.

"Yes, I believe I've seen you in here, and at the market. I am Marianne. Please, make yourself at home," she said.

I spent much time with Marianne that day, and for several months, until she became my bride. I live a perfectly happy and loving existence with her. We are expecting our first child in a few months. I cannot help but think that this would never had happened if I had never met those wonderful bears.