"Hey, Secchan?" Konoka asked, rolling over onto her stomach. Through the thick sea of soft grass that grew around them, Konoka could clearly see her companion lying across from her with her hands folded comfortably behind her head. Using the small fingers of a seven-year-old girl, Konoka gently prodded the top of Setsuna's head and called for her again. The young swordsman emitted a faint squeak of surprise and rolled over, casting Konoka a curious look.
"Spin me," Konoka said once she finally caught Setsuna's attention. She propped her head upon her raised arms and smiled playfully at the other girl.
"Spin you?" Setsuna repeated as the expression in her large eyes changed from curiosity to uncertainty. Her confusion elicited a giggled from Konoka, who got to her feet and held out a hand to her friend. Slowly, still with uncertainty clouding her eyes, Setsuna mimicked Konoka's actions by standing up and reaching out to take the hand that was offered to her. As their hands met and their fingers became intertwined, Konoka reached out and grasped Setsuna with her other hand as well.
"Spin me," Konoka repeated, her smile growing as she tugged on Setsuna's hand with both of her own. Setsuna felt her feet leave the ground without so much as a warning and her eyes widened in surprise. With her free hand, she frantically waved and tried to grasp at nothingness, impulsively and irrationally thinking she would find something to cling to in the open air.
"Kono-chan!!" Setsuna cried, clinging tightly to both of Konoka's hands with only one of her own. However, Konoka could only giggle at the frantic look on her friend's face. Setsuna stopped in mid-shriek as the merry sound of Konoka's laughter reached her ears. The high-pitched giggles, much like the sound of wind chimes swaying in the breeze, melted away much of the shock of suddenly being swung into the air, and Setsuna quickly found herself laughing as well.
After swinging Setsuna around in two large circles, Konoka finally let Setsuna back on the ground. The young swordsman landed firmly on the ground and released her grip on Konoka's hands. "Like that," Konoka laughed as she watched Setsuna place her hands on her knees in an attempt to regain her bearings and catch her breath. "Spin me like that."
"Like that...?" Setsuna grinned mischievously as she straightened up. Before the other girl could react, Setsuna grabbed Konoka's hands within both of her own. With a small grunt of effort, using all of the strength of her seven-year-old body, Setsuna pulled on Konoka's arms and lifted her high into the air, much higher that Konoka had lifted her. Konoka shrieked with delight and tightly shut her eyes as Setsuna spun her once, then twice, and then three times in a wide circle, never once letting Konoka's feet touch the ground. Setsuna smiled as she watched Konoka fly through the air, laughing all the while. She watched as the young girl's flowery kimono fluttered in the breeze, her sleeves billowing merrily as she was spun.
As Konoka's feet finally landed unsteadily on the ground, she stumbled forward into Setsuna who hugged her until she regained her footing. "How was that?" Setsuna asked with a wide grin as her friend straightened up within her arms. Konoka simply giggled and nodded her approval. And then, without warning, she leaned in and gently kissed Setsuna on the cheek.
"H-hey!" Setsuna protested taking a small step backward, blushing as she moved. She raised a hand to her cheek and placed it upon the spot that had been kissed. Konoka, however, seemed unfazed by what had occurred.
"Come on, Secchan!" Konoka cried, turning around and starting to run. "Let's go back to my house!"
Setsuna's watched for a moment, stunned, as Konoka moved further and further away from her. Though they were only upon her cheek for a moment, Setsuna could still feel the touch of Konoka's lips upon her skin. She let her fingers rest just an instant longer on her cheek before slowly dropping her hand to her side. Faintly, Setsuna heard her name being called in the distance. Finally pulled out of her reverie, she slowly stumbled after Konoka, still dazed by the kiss...
The sound of a door opening in the distance startled Setsuna out of her nap. She opened a tired eye, glanced in the direction of Evangeline's cottage, and saw a dark haired girl passing through the doorway. Shutting her eyes tightly, Setsuna let out a yawn and used the tree she had been napping against for support as she got to her feet. Stray traces of the dream she had been having still lingered in her mind, slowly fading away, and Setsuna quickly tried to recall it before the memory slipped away from her entirely.
"My dream... what had it been about?" Setsuna thought to herself. The sleepy swordsman let out another yawn and stretched her arms high over her head as she straightened up. Konoka had been in the dream; she was sure of it. Setsuna had also been in it as well. She brushed off her clothes to beat away any dirt that might have clung to her as she napped. Her sword was on the ground beside the tree where she had left it, and she bent down to pick it up as she continued to think.
What had the two of them been doing in the dream? Had they... flown? Flying, was that it? Setsuna frowned as she reached for the sword. No, it wasn't flying. It was something else. It was...
"Oh!" Setsuna gasped softly as her hand closed around Yuunagi. Her dream flooded back to her in its entirety and she quickly straightened up in surprise. She had dreamt about a memory from her childhood, one where she and Konoka were swinging each other. It was a memory where Konoka had given her a kiss; her first kiss from Konoka. Setsuna slowly brought her free hand to her cheek and rested it upon the spot that Konoka had kissed so many years in the past and then blushed slightly. Of course, that kiss had no real meaning behind it; at least, not romantically. They were only seven when it happened, so what real meaning could a kiss like that have had? Yet for some reason, Setsuna couldn't help but blush at the memory...
When Setsuna finally looked up again, she found a smiling Konoka rushing toward her. Setsuna smiled as well, pulling her hand away from her cheek and holding it out to the cheerful mage.
"Secchan!" Konoka happily cried as she grabbed onto the hand the swordsman offered with both of her own. As Setsuna looked down at their joined hands, she impulsively dropped her sword and grasped Konoka's hands with both of her own. Konoka's mildly surprised expression quickly turned into shock as she was pulled off the ground, and then turned into one of giddy excitement as Setsuna swung her three times in a wide circle. She screamed with laugher until her feet finally landed on the ground again. Konoka stumbled as she shakily tried to catch her breath and regain her balance. Again, impulsively, Setsuna let go of Konoka's hands, stepped forward, and held Konoka in her arms until the mage could stand on her own.
"How was that?" she asked Konoka, echoing the words she had used in their childhood. Konoka giggled and nodded, just like she had done when they were seven, and Setsuna wondered wildly for a moment whether or not Konoka would kiss her like she had in the past.
However, instead of leaning into Setsuna, Konoka took a step back and cheerfully said, "You're so silly, Secchan."
Setsuna nervously laughed and scratched the back of her head. Konoka was right about that; she really was acting silly. What had made her suddenly want to swing Konoka around like that? They hadn't played like that in years.
"Hey, Secchan? You weren't waiting all this time for me, were you?" Konoka asked peering into Setsuna's flustered face.
"Eh? Well, sort of..." Setsuna answered, growing even more flustered.
"Silly Secchan. I told you that you didn't have to do that. I had an extra long training session today, remember?"
"I know, but I wanted to wait for you..." Setsuna mumbled, looking away as she continued to blush. She picked up her sword again and began to play with the tassels that dangled from the end of Yuunagi's hilt.
Konoka smiled at her devoted protector and gently slipped her hand into Setsuna's, halting her teasing of the tassels. Still blushing slightly, Setsuna looked down at their joined hands and smiled faintly. Konoka bent down and tilted her head to meet Setsuna's lowered gaze and then smiled at the swordsman.
"Come on, Secchan, let's go back to the dorms."
Setsuna smiled and nodded. Now that her moment of embarrassment had passed, she finally felt the warmth on her cheeks fade away. Even with Konoka's hand tightly intertwined with her own, Setsuna began to relax a bit.
"Ojou-sama? How was your training with Evangeline-san?"
"Hm?" Konoka asked. She turned away from the natural forest scenery that had caught her attention and looked at Setsuna. "Training went ok. Eva-san had me fight with Chachamaru-san, which was really rough, but look! No scars!" Konoka smiled as she winked and held up a scratch-free arm to prove that she was uninjured.
Setsuna tried her best to return the smile, but inwardly she was wincing. She knew that Chachamaru probably tried to hold back, but she still must have hurt Konoka pretty badly under Evangeline's orders. Setsuna wondered how many cuts Konoka had needed to heal with her magic, and she was forced to try even harder to conceal her wince.
"Was that why you training was so long today?" Setsuna asked, still keeping her fake smiled plastered to her face. "Because of your fight with Chachamaru-san?"
Konoka shook her head. "No, that was just normal stuff. We took so long because Eva-san wanted to discuss some things about my training with me. Speaking of which..."
Konoka quickly stepped in front of Setsuna so that they were face to face, forcing Setsuna to abruptly stop walking in order to avoid running into Konoka. The swordsman's eyebrows shot up in surprise as she gazed at the still smiling mage.
"Ojou-sama?"
Setsuna saw the young mage take a deep breath before answering her. "Well you see Secchan," Konoka began. "Eva-san and I talked about this for a while and she thinks that it's time I got a partner."
Partner. For some reason unknown to Setsuna, the word set off a warning inside her head. "O-o-oh..." Setsuna stuttered, quickly pulling her hand out of Konoka's grasp and taking a small step backward. She suddenly felt very hot and she could tell that she was blushing again. Setsuna's bottom lip began to tremble slightly, and she gently bit it and tried to calm her racing mind.
"No wait, Secchan. I want my partner to be you. I'm not looking for anyone else," Konoka said soothingly, trying to comfort Setsuna who clearly looked bothered. She took a step forward to close the gap between them. "Remember when we talked about this at Iincho's resort? If you're still okay with it..." Konoka said, taking Setsuna's hand in her own again. "If you're still okay with it," she repeated, "I want you to be my partner, Secchan."
"I-I-I—" Setsuna stuttered. She paused and tried to start again. "O-ojou-sama, I—" Setsuna stopped, unsure of what she wanted to say. She bit down on her lip again and looked back and forth between Konoka's apprehensively smiling face and their clasped hands. Her heart continued to beat audibly and painfully in her chest. This feeling of anxiety, where was it coming from? Setsuna would willingly give her life to protect Konoka; they both knew that. It was the quality that any ministra magi should have for her magister magi, but there's was something that was keeping Setsuna from agreeing to form the pactio...
"I-I can't..." Setsuna whispered softly, barely audible to even her own ears, and looked away from Konoka.
"S-Secchan? Konoka tentatively asked. "If this is about the kissing thing..."
Setsuna felt herself tense up at the word "kiss", and quickly extracted her hand from Konoka's gentle grip. Konoka's smile faltered at Setsuna's reaction, though the swordsman's averted gaze kept her from seeing this. Konoka closed her empty hand, still warm from Setsuna's touch, and brought it against her chest.
"I know how you feel about girls kissing, Secchan, and I get that, but we only have to do it once."
"Only once?" The words echoed in Setsuna's mind, and she looked up into Konoka's eyes to find a pleading expression on the mage's face.
"Just one kiss, and we'll never need to do it again," Konoka said, nodding comfortingly. She smiled softly, almost wistfully, at Setsuna. "We only need one kiss, and then we'll be partners." Slowly, she tried to reach for Setsuna's hand again. "So please, can't you do this for m-"
Konoka stopped as Setsuna twisted away from her outstretched hand. Setsuna shook her head slowly and stared back at her with apologetic eyes.
"I'm sorry, Ojou-sama," Setsuna apologized softly. She quickly looked away at the sight of Konoka's crestfallen face, knowing perfectly well that she was the cause of the young mage's pain and sadness. Yet even with this knowledge, Setsuna still didn't understand why but she couldn't bring herself to say yes. "I'm sorry," she repeated, "but I just can't."
Without another glance at Konoka, Setsuna kept her head down and hurried past the stunned girl. She ran without hearing the sound of footsteps behind her and understood that Konoka wasn't following. It was only until she was certain that Konoka could no longer see her retreating form that Setsuna finally lifted a hand to her eyes to wipe away the steady stream of falling tears.
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Shining Tears
Part 2: Heart to Heart
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The tears had stopped falling long ago but Setsuna's eyes were still wet from crying. Lifting her head slightly, she gently wiped her eyes with her fingertips and looked at the warm tears that now stained her hands. She brushed her thumb against her wet fingers slowly, as if she were trying to erase them from existence, and smiled bitterly. At least she hadn't come across anyone on her way back from Evangeline's cottage. The entire run to the girls' dorm had been dreadfully uneventful, but Setsuna was grateful for this since she wasn't in the mood to explain what had happened to anyone; not that she could have explained even if she wanted to.
Setsuna dropped her head back on her knees, too tired to think anymore. Right now, all she wanted to do was... well there were a lot of things she wanted to do. She wanted to figure out what in the world she was feeling, and then she wanted to figure out what those feelings meant. She wanted to know why she couldn't agree to the pactio when she would sacrifice herself for Konoka's sake. But most of all, she just wanted to go back and apologize to Konoka for making her sad.
At the memory of Konoka's devastated face, Setsuna jumped to her feet and fiercely pulled off her shirt. She balled up the article of clothing and pressed her forehead against it, trying to get the thought out of her head.
"I can't think about this anymore," Setsuna mumbled in frustration. She slowly dragged herself to her bathroom and began pulling off the rest of her clothes. As Setsuna shed the last of her school uniform and undid the cloth that bound her chest, the swordsman reached into the shower and turned the faucet. Steam began to rise from the falling hot water and she paused momentarily to watch it with mild fascination. At last, Setsuna untied her hair, stepped into the stall and let the water flow over her tired limbs, washing the dirt and sweat off her body and the tears off her face. She sighed deeply as she felt the water's cleansing effect all over her body.
"Hey," Setsuna murmured softly after lowering her head under the spray of hot water. "Can you wash away the confusion, too?" she asked the water, knowing that the only response she would get was no response at all.
Nearly twenty minutes later, Setsuna stepped out of the bathroom feeling like she was no better off now than she had been prior to the shower; except that now she was clean. Wearily, she headed over to her closet and pulled on a fresh set of clothes; a fresh school uniform, to be specific. Setsuna didn't own very many casual clothes, not that this really mattered to her.
Fully clothed, the swordsman flopped down on the lone bed that occupied the room and accidentally knocked a small trinket off of her night stand. She reached over the side of the bed to pick up the fallen object and returned with a tiny stuffed cat in the palm of her hand.
Despite her current mood, Setsuna allowed herself to briefly smile at the toy she held. At first glance, the item in her hand was just some cheap prize that had come from a 100 yen vending machine. However, Setsuna knew that this toy was more than just that.
"She gave this to me," Setsuna thought to herself, remembering how Konoka had pulled the tiny plush cat out of a prize capsule a few weeks ago on shopping trip. After declaring the cat to be cute, she turned around and gave it to the swordsman saying that it was perfect for her. "Kono-chan..." Setsuna gave the toy cat a quick squeeze between her thumb and forefinger before pushing herself off the bed. She crossed her room and stopped before the window beside her desk. "Did you make it back okay, Kono-chan?" she wondered out loud, looking concernedly out the window.
As if on cue, a small figure suddenly hovered into view in front of Setsuna's window. It tapped on the glass with a miniature sword and waved energetically at the surprised swordsman. Muffled shouts of "I'm back! I'm back!" could be heard through the closed window and Setsuna smiled a smile of relief. She placed the toy in her hand upon her desk before reaching over and unlocking the window, allowing the small figure to enter the room.
"I'm back, Setsuna-neesan!" the tiny form cried as it flew toward Setsuna's desk and landed upon it. The swordsman knelt down to the eye level of the small visitor and found herself looking at a miniaturized version of herself.
"Welcome back, chibi Setsuna-chan," the swordsman said, giving the shikigami a small smile. The chibi bowed gratefully and smiled back at the larger girl. This tiny doppelganger was none other than an enchanted paper copy of herself that Setsuna sometimes used in her work. In this case, she had sent out chibi Setsuna to secretly follow Konoka to make sure that she didn't run into trouble. "Did you complete your mission?" Setsuna asked.
The swordsman couldn't help but smile again as her miniature double suddenly jumped to attention and saluted her with a serious expression on its face. "Everything went a-okay! I followed Konoka ojou-sama all the way back to her dorm and she's safe now, but—" Setsuna saw the chibi tap her chin thoughtfully with an index finger. "But Konoka ojou-sama seemed... different today," she finished.
"'Different?'" Setsuna repeated, looking at the shikigami. "What do you mean?"
"Um... I don't know," the tiny swordsman replied truthfully. "She just seemed really sad, I guess. The whole way home, Konoka ojou-sama looked like she was going to cry even though she didn't."
The swordsman turned away from the shikigami and looked out the window again as a surge of guilt washed over her. Setsuna knew without a doubt that her refusal to form a pactio with Konoka was the reason why Konoka was been so sad. She had no reason to believe otherwise since her negative response hadn't exactly been delivered delicately.
"What else did you notic—" Setsuna started to ask the shikigami. However, she stopped mid-question at the sight of the tiny swordsman hugging the toy cat that Setsuna had placed on her desk. She watched as chibi Setsuna tossed the cat into the air again and again and squealed with delight, making her wonder whether or not it had been a good idea to make this shikigami half-autonomic this time. Then again, earlier at chibi Setsuna's summoning, the swordsman decided that she wanted some time to herself to sort out of her feelings, not that the alone-time had really helped.
"You know what," Setsuna said, smiling at the tiny swordsman as she caught the toy cat for the umpteenth time and hugged it tightly, "thank you for helping me today, but now it's time to dismiss you." She bowed her thanks to the small figure and began reciting the incantation to revert chibi Setsuna back into paper.
"Wait!" the shikigami cried, throwing up a hand and waving it frantically. "Before I go, do you know why Konoka ojou-sama was so sad today?"
"Well, I don't know," Setsuna admitted as she looked away from the chibi's concerned gaze. "It's sort of complicated." She placed one hand upon her desk for support and frowned in frustration as her heart began to beat painfully within her chest.
"Uh oh. Now Setsuna-neesan looks sad, too," chibi Setsuna said, looking worriedly at the larger girl. Clutching the small toy cat tightly under one arm, the tiny swordsman walked over across the desk and patted Setsuna's arm. "What's wrong?"
Setsuna cast the shikigami a dubious look and wondered just how much a piece of paper, enchanted or not, would know about things like this; especially a piece of paper that was controlled by Setsuna since she was currently clueless about the entire situation. Still, what did she have to lose?
"Alright," Setsuna gave in, "I'll tell you." At her words, chibi Setsuna quickly sat down and stared up at her with an expression of rapt attention. "Konoka ojou-sama asked me to form a pactio with her and—"
The chibi suddenly jumped to her feet with a loud squeak of excitement. She hugged the cat in her arms tightly, her wide eyes now shining with anticipation. Setsuna almost felt bad for finishing the rest of her sentence.
"—and I couldn't do it, so I refused."
Setsuna was shocked to see what a dramatic effect her words had on the little shikigami. Chibi Setsuna's expression of excitement contorted into one of horror and the plush toy in her arms suddenly drooped out of her grasp and was in danger of falling onto the desk. The tiny swordsman's mouth slowly opened in shock and it let out a great sniffle.
"T-that's so sad," the chibi wailed, gathering up the tiny cat in her arms and clinging to it tightly. Tear drops started to form in the corner of her large eyes and she sniffled again. "Setsuna-neesan is in love with Konoka ojou-sama, but she said 'nooo'!"
"W-what?!" Setsuna stuttered, stunned and horrified that her small counterpart came to such a conclusion. "What are you talking about?! I'm not in love with ojou-sama!"
The shikigami stopped in mid-wail and made a small sound of surprise, slowly closing its mouth. "But... yes you do..." the chibi insisted as it tilted its head and stared intently at Setsuna with a curious look on its face. "You love Konoka ojou-sama!"
"N-no I don't," Setsuna protested, trying her hardest to glare at her miniature self. The chibi swordsman giggled at Setsuna's attempts to intimidate her and pointed with delight at the larger girl's brilliantly red cheeks.
"See? See?" the small figure cried, jumping up and down excitedly while continuing to point. "Setsuna-neesan loves Konoka ojou-sama! Setsuna-neesan loves Konoka ojou-sama!"
"N-n-no!" Setsuna stuttered, finding it harder and harder to deny it. She felt her cheeks grow even hotter as the chibi looked up at her with a smug expression upon her face. "I-I don't... I don't l-l-love..."
"Are you suuuure?" the tiny swordsman teased.
Setsuna dropped her head and sighed, realizing that she was about to lose this argument to a charmed piece of paper. Her cheeks were now incredibly flushed from chibi Setsuna's teasing and the swordsman could literally feel steam rising from the top of her head. "W-why do you think that I love ojou-sama?" Setsuna asked her smaller self, feeling quite unprepared to hear the response.
"That's easy," the chibi said, slowly bringing a small hand to her chest and placing it gently over her heart. Setsuna watched curiously as the shikigami gave her a shy, solemn smile and slowly closed her eyes and. "I can feel it in here," she explained, patting her heart with her palm. "I know that Setsuna-neesan loves Konoka ojou-sama because I love Konoka ojou-sama, too," chibi Setsuna said without a hint of embarrassment. The tiny swordsman lowered its head and sighed deeply. "When I think about Konoka ojou-sama, I feel warm and happy inside, like everything is all right. And I know that Setsuna-neesan has these feelings too because I'm a part of Setsuna-neesan," the chibi finished proudly, snuggling her cheek against the plush toy cat in her arms. Chibi Setsuna opened her eyes and smiled at the larger girl. "That's why I know that Setsuna-neesan loves Konoka ojou-sama!"
Setsuna was at a loss for words as she stared at her miniature self. She was surprised that her slightly stupid, half-autonomic shikigami had been able to come to such a conclusion... one that felt unexpectedly correct.
"But I—" Setsuna started to say, but the tiny swordsman cut her off.
"That's not all," chibi Setsuna continued, hugging the cat around its neck with one arm and using her now free hand to point at the larger girl. "I can see it in your eyes, too."
"In my eyes?" Setsuna asked.
"Yup," the chibi nodded as she hugged the toy she held with both arms again. "When you talk about Konoka ojou-sama, your eyes become soft and you sometimes get this far away look. There's also the faint smile you sometimes have on your face, and the way your voice gets all quiet and gentle, and how you—"
"Okay, okay," Setsuna said, holding up a hand to silence the shikigami. Her face was still bright red, but Setsuna felt less embarrassed than before. "I get it, you're right. But..." Setsuna brought a hand to her chest and placed it gently upon her heart, mimicking chibi Setsuna's earlier action. "If I love ojou-sama so much, then why wasn't I able to say 'yes' to the pactio?"
"That's a good question," the chibi swordsman admitted. She sat down on the desk, pulled the toy cat on her lap and stroked its head thoughtfully. "Maybe...maybe you were scared?"
A dry laugh escaped Setsuna's lips. "Of course I was scared," she told her tiny counterpart.
"But now that you know that you're in love with Konoka ojou-sama, do you still feel scared?"
Setsuna didn't even need to think about this before answering. Beneath her hand, her heart was beating uncontrollably from their discussion of Konoka. If anything, she was probably more scared now that she had figured out her feelings for Konoka.
"Yeah," Setsuna replied softly, giving the tiny swordsman a wry, gloomy smile. "I'm terrified."
"It's not that you don't want to kiss Konoka ojou-sama to form the pactio, is it?" the chibi suggested with a doubtful look on her face. "You do want to kiss her, right?"
"Well I-I, I—" Setsuna stuttered, looking anxiously around the room. The blood was rushing to her face again, and she wondered if there was any danger in blushing so often in such a short period of time. "I uh, I—"
"Setsuna-neesan," chibi Setsuna interrupted loudly. The swordsman looked down find that the smaller girl pouting at her with her hands on her hips. The toy cat now lay forgotten on the ground. "Tell the truth."
Setsuna let out her breath and smiled grudgingly at the demanding shikigami. "I want to kiss her," she finally conceded as every free blood cell in her body suddenly migrated to her cheeks.
"Okay, good," chibi Setsuna smiled. She bent down to pick up her fallen toy and gave it an apologetic snuggle. "But I wonder why you had such a hard time agreeing to the pactio. What did Konoka ojou-sama say when she asked you to be her partner?"
"Hm... I don't know," Setsuna slowly said, thinking about the scene that had occurred outside of Evangeline's cottage. "She just... asked."
"But what were her exact words?" pressed the tiny swordsman.
Setsuna tried to recall the conversation that had happened, but all the words that were spoken now seemed to be a jumbled mess that didn't want to be remembered. "I don't know..." she admitted sincerely.
"But you must remember something," chibi Setsuna insisted, raising her hands in frustration. "Asking you to be her partner was a big deal, so something must have stuck with you. Just think back and remember what—"
"'Just one kiss.'"
"Eh...?" the chibi swordsman slowly asked, dropping her hands to her side. She looked up at Setsuna and found that the larger girl was also surprised by what she had just said.
"'Just one kiss and we'll never need to do it again...'" Setsuna recited, repeating Konoka's exact words. She gave the shikigami an odd look as she finished the quote, like she wasn't quite sure where the words had come from. "That's what she said to me when she asked me to be her partner..."
"Ah..." Chibi Setsuna slowly nodded and gave the swordsman a sympathetic smile. "I guess we found the problem, then."
Setsuna, however, had her back turned to the tiny swordsman. "I don't think I know what you mean," Setsuna said, avoiding the other girl's gaze. She walked across the room and stopped in front of her bed.
"'Just one kiss?' Isn't that what's bothering you?"
"What? That's not it." Setsuna stubbornly dismissed the tiny swordsman's conclusion with a wave of her hand. She tossed herself on her mattress, tucked her hands behind her head and stared resolutely at the ceiling. "If that's what ojou-sama wants, then that's okay with me," she said.
"But..." Setsuna heard her shikigami softly break the silence after several moments. Without waiting for the stubborn swordsman to respond or look at her, chibi Setsuna continued talking. "Are you sure you're really okay with that, Setsuna-neesan?"
Setsuna felt her hardened gaze weaken and start to lower from the ceiling so that the end of her bed gradually came into view. The familiar burning sensation in the corner of her eyes was present again, but she tried to ignore it. Although she refused to look over at her desk, her attention was entirely focused upon the words of her shikigami. She was certain that the tiny swordsman would soon voice the truth that Setsuna had already come to realize.
"You're not okay with it, are you? With a single kiss with Konoka ojou-sama? If you really love her this much, then would it really be okay if you were never to kiss Konoka ojou-sama again after the pactio?"
Her shikigami had hit the truth dead-on and she knew it. All of her confusion earlier, all of that frustration and pain, all of it had come from a truth that her heart had known even before her brain had understood it. Setsuna had been so afraid of kissing Konoka and forming the pactio because she was afraid that it would be the last kiss she would ever have with Konoka; the last kiss from the person she loved.
Setsuna sighed and sat up. "How," she thought to herself. "did chibi Setsuna figure this out when I couldn't even do it alone?" She turned over to her desk, prepared to thank her shikigami for helping her. However, she stopped in mid-thank you at the sight of chibi Setsuna cheerfully tossing the cat up and down in the air again, apparently oblivious to the fact that she had just taken part in a very serious conversation.
"Really, how in the world did this shikigami end up helping me?" Setsuna wondered to herself, hanging her head in shame. Nevertheless, she was still thankful for chibi Setsuna's help. Figuring out what was bothering her would have been quite a challenge without the shikigami's assistance. The hard part was yet to come, however. Now that she knew what was wrong, Setsuna still needed to see Konoka and find a way to tell her the truth.
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Setsuna slowly stepped into the hallway and closed the door to her dorm. Since dismissing her shikigami, it had taken her nearly half an hour to fight the fear building up within her heart and finally make her way toward Konoka's room. Uncertainty and doubt flooded her thoughts as she anxiously walked down the hall and around the corner to where Konoka resided. How much of the truth should she reveal to Konoka? More importantly, how was she going to say it? Maybe instead of confessing, would it be better to just go through with the pactio kiss and hope that one day they would become a couple? But what if that didn't happen? And like chibi Setsuna had pointed out, a single kiss would never be enough for Setsuna when her feelings for Konoka were so strong.
"I'll just have to tell her everything," Setsuna thought uneasily as she stopped in front of Konoka's door. She lifted a quivering hand to knock on the door but paused as a heart wrenching thought crossed her mind. "What if confess to her and she doesn't love me back?" The strong desire to just turn around and return to her dorm room was growing stronger by the second as she thought about this terrible but possible scenario. It would be so easy to just ignore her feelings and pretend like none of this had ever happened, but Setsuna couldn't just run away when there was another scenario that could play out. "What if I confess to her and she loves me too?"
Without another thought, Setsuna rapped her knuckles against the door in a clear, decisive knock, and held her breath as the sounds of approaching footsteps echoed from within the dorm.
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Shining Tears
Part 3: True Feelings
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To Setsuna's surprise, the person who opened the door turned out to be Asuna, rather than Konoka like she had expected. "A-Asuna-san, what are you doing here?" Setsuna stupidly asked the orange haired girl standing before her, realizing only after she had said it that, of course, Konoka was not that only one who resided in her dorm room.
"I live here," Asuna replied evenly without an inflection of emotion in her voice. She slipped through the small opening in the doorway and stepped into the hallway before shutting the door behind her. "What are you doing here?"
"I... I'm here to talk to ojou-sama," the swordsman answered truthfully. Her voice held an apologetic tone to it, though Setsuna wasn't quite sure why. "Is she here?"
"She's here," replied Asuna, crossing her arms against her chest. Setsuna nodded and waited, expecting an invitation into the dorm room to follow the other girl's response. However, Asuna merely continued to stand in front of to door with folded arms and no apparent intention to move out of the way. An uncomfortable silence followed, one where the swordsman was forced to endure the other girl's intense yet expressionless gaze, and Setsuna wondered exactly how much Asuna knew about the current situation between her and Konoka.
"Can I see her?" Setsuna tentatively asked, trying to fill the tense silence. "I wanted to talk to her."
"Why? So you can hurt her and run away again?" Asuna asked, keeping her tone relatively calm despite the frigid nature of her words. Setsuna flinched at her question, shocked that Asuna could be so harsh towards her, but also ashamed because she knew that Asuna was right.
"She told you what happened?" Setsuna asked with a wincing frown.
"Yeah, she did," Asuna answered, glaring sternly at the swordsman. Then, with a heavy sigh, she suddenly dropped her hardened expression and replaced it with a compassionate smile before speaking again. "But I know that there are two sides to every story and I wouldn't mind hearing your side, too."
Setsuna felt comforted by the other girl's abrupt change in demeanor, but the swordsman was forced to suppress a weary laugh at Asuna's offer. She was grateful that Asuna was willing to hear her out, but her experiences with chibi Setsuna had taught her that explaining the situation was rather difficult. "It's... complicated."
"More complicated than being in love with the person you're supposed to protect?" Asuna asked with an eyebrow raised questioningly. She smirked in amusement as the stunned swordsman gaped back at her in surprise. "Well it was kind of obvious," Asuna told her with a soft laugh.
"But how did you, h-how could you—" Setsuna paused mid-stutter and stared at Asuna with a look of panic in her eyes. "Does ojou-sama know?"
The orange haired girl shook her head and shrugged in response. "I'm not sure. But even if I did know, I'm not the one you should be asking," she reprimanded gently.
"I know, I know," Setsuna muttered, dropping her gaze and squeezing her eyes shut in frustration. "Lately it just feels like I'm doing everything wrong."
"No, you're not," Asuna said firmly, placing a consoling hand on Setsuna's shoulder. "What happened this afternoon sounded pretty bad from what Konoka told me, but I know you, Setsuna-san, and I know you didn't mean for things to turn out this way." A faint click of metal reached Setsuna's ears and she opened her eyes to find that the door to Asuna and Konoka's dorm was no longer closed. "You're here because you want to fix what happened earlier, right?" Asuna gave the other girl a gentle nudge toward the threshold of the dorm room. "So go fix your mistakes. But you better not hurt Konoka again, or else..." she threatened, resuming her previous glare.
"I won't," the swordsman promised solemnly, "not this time." She turned away from Asuna and started to step through the opened door, but paused as the other girl spoke again.
"And promise not to let yourself get hurt either," Asuna warned Setsuna with a grin before giving her shoulder a quick squeeze and walking away.
Setsuna smiled at her friend's retreating back, grateful for Asuna's kindness. "I'll have to thank her properly once this is all over," she thought to herself. Setsuna slowly pushed open the door to Asuna and Konoka's room, grimacing slightly as the door creaked in protest to her actions. She poked her head beyond the threshold gingerly and surveyed the room. Immediately, her eyes were drawn toward the depressing looking figure sitting on the lower of the two bunk beds that occupied the room.
As Setsuna's eyes fell upon the young mage slumped against a bedpost near the head of her bed with a pillow clutched to her body, the swordsman's heart began to beat painfully within her chest. Setsuna slowly took in the sight before her and tried to memorize the moment in detail. However, this wasn't a sight that Setsuna wanted to remember. Rather, it was a sight that she never wanted to forget. She never wanted to lose the image of a melancholy girl sitting alone in a darkened room staring gloomily out the window because of something that Setsuna had done. Or hadn't done, rather.
"Secchan?"
Setsuna jumped in surprise upon hearing her name. Konoka had made no sign that she noticed the swordsman's presence in the doorway of her room yet, without even turning to look, she had known that Setsuna was there. Awkwardly, like a child being caught in the act, Setsuna sheepishly opened the door the rest of the way and entered the room.
"H-hey," she greeted, raising her hand in a halfhearted wave that Konoka didn't even turn to see. She dropped her hand back down to her side with a deflated smile before crossing the room to where the mage sat, still looking out the window. "Ojou-sama?" Setsuna asked softly, sitting down beside the other girl. Nor response or acknowledgement came and Setsuna tried again. "Ojou-sama?" Still, the healer gave no response.
"She's never been so mad at me before," Setsuna though to herself. "Actually, she's never really been mad at me at all..." Setsuna thought, realizing that her confession had quickly become an apology to Konoka as well. For Setsuna, who had never confessed to anyone nor tried to make up with Konoka before, her tasks were growing more difficult by the second.
"Hey, look at me," Setsuna gently urged the mage, knowing that she needed Konoka's full attention before she could confess or apologize. "Please? ...Kono-chan?" At the sound of her cherished childhood nickname, Konoka finally tore her gaze away from the window and looked at the girl sitting on her bed. However, Setsuna was surprised to find a rather hurt expression on the healer's face.
"Don't use that name just to cheer me up," she mumbled softly, staring at Setsuna with the same pained look in her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled slightly as she spoke. "Don't use that name if you don't mean it."
"But I do mean it," Setsuna insisted, surprised to find how much she really did mean it. She had used "Kono-chan" as a sort of spur of the moment attempt to capture Konoka's attention but the name suddenly felt so warm and familiar upon her tongue, even more so than the other times she had used the nickname, that Setsuna knew she would never be able to address Konoka in another way ever again. "I'm not just calling you 'Kono-chan' because of what happened earlier. I promise, no more 'ojou-sama' ever again because—" Setsuna froze on the final words. Because I love you.
"You're doing it again," Konoka observed with a mild pout now taking over her hurt expression. "There's something you want to say but you're not saying it, just like before." She paused and waited for Setsuna's response, but the other girl merely frowned apologetically, forcing the mage bite back a scream of frustration. "Secchan, can't you tell me what's wrong? Why don't you want to be my partner?" Konoka asked, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible.
Setsuna turned away from Konoka and pushed herself off of the bed. What she wanted more than anything at that moment was to scream 'I love you' in her loudest voice, but she couldn't overcome the fear within her heart that was holding her back. "I feel like even if I told you, you wouldn't understand," she cried as her frustration got the better of her.
"Then make me understand," Konoka urged, standing up as well and reaching out to the other girl. She slipped her warm hand into Setsuna's and gazed pleadingly at her protector, silently hoping that Setsuna wouldn't run away from her again. All she wanted to hear was the truth, a reason as to why the swordsman had refused to make a pactio with her, because as much as the rejection had hurt her, the lack of explanation hurt even more.
Setsuna slowly looked down at the delicate hand nestled within her own. "But how do I make her understand?" the swordsman thought to herself as frustration continued to ravage her mind. Maybe she was just thinking too much about this. Maybe it would be better to not think at all. And with that logic in mind, Setsuna blocked out all of her thoughts and let her body take over.
Without allowing her inhibitions to hinder her, Setsuna swiftly wrapped her arm around Konoka's waist, her other hand still caught in Konoka's grasp. Forcefully, though not roughly, she backed Konoka against the wall, pinning her between it and the swordsman's own body. The mage gasped in surprise, her eyes now widening in response to Setsuna's actions.
However, Setsuna wasn't done yet. The hand around Konoka's waist found the mage's free hand, and Setsuna pinned it against the wall beside Konoka's waist. With her other hand, she pinned Konoka's other arm above her head, trapping the mage beneath her. Had she been thinking about her actions, Setsuna would have been horrified by what she had just done. This was practically an assault on the girl she was supposed to protect, but all those thoughts were blocked out now.
"Do you remember the first time you kissed me?" Setsuna softly asked, staring into Konoka's astonished eyes. The girl made no sound, so Setsuna continued talking. "We were only seven years old and you kissed me on the cheek. An innocent kiss, but..." the swordsman smiled fondly at the memory before returning her attention to the frozen girl before her. "This afternoon, you said 'we only have to do it once,' when you asked me to kiss you... but once isn't good enough for me," Setsuna said, trying her hardest to convey her feelings to the other girl.
Slowly, Setsuna leaned forward, pressing herself more fully against Konoka's motionless body and bringing their faces closer together. For what felt like an eternity, Setsuna paused her lips just centimeters away for Konoka's and simply waited. She could feel the mage's warm breath against her lower lip, causing her heart to beat insanely with desire. However, if this kiss were to happen, she wanted Konoka to be the one to initiate it, so she waited.
And waited.
As the length of her wait grew longer and longer, it seemed less and less likely that Konoka would kiss her and, Setsuna finally pulled away and stepped back from the other girl. The feeling of rejection that washed over her felt tremendously oppressive, like an unseen force trying to squeeze the air out of her lungs and suffocate her. Setsuna kept her head down, unable to even look at Konoka any longer. Was this how the mage had felt earlier after Setsuna's rejection?
"S-secchan..." the mage stuttered uncharacteristically as Setsuna finally released her and turned and walked away. She raised a trembling hand towards the other girl. "W-wait..."
Setsuna didn't want to hear it. It didn't matter what Konoka said at this point because the rejection was already crystal clear to her. There was no more point in staying here any longer and she wasn't going to. "Kono-chan," Setsuna said as she paused in the middle of the doorway. She rested a hand gently on the doorframe, keeping her back turned to the other girl. "I'm sorry that I fell in love with you," Setsuna apologized, and then left the room before Konoka could stop her.
Her heart, it was on fire. That was the only way Setsuna could describe the way she was feeling at that moment. Nothing seemed real anymore, nothing made sense, but through all of the jumbled emotions and thoughts running through her head, one truth stood out against the rest. "I confessed to her but she didn't love me back."
By the time coherent thoughts began registering in her mind again, Setsuna found that she was now outside, no longer running, but still walking away from the girls' dorm that she had left behind. She was walking, but where was there to go? Setsuna forcefully swiped at the warm tears covering cheeks and stopped to think. Everything that she had, everything that was important to her was back in that dorm, so what was left for her in the rest of the world?
"S-secchan!"
Setsuna stumbled as something knocked into her, wrapping itself tightly around her waist. Surprised, the swordsman looked down to find Konoka now clinging fiercely to her body. How had she not noticed Konoka chasing after her? Had she been that lost in thought? She tried to pull away but found Konoka's hold upon her to be surprisingly strong.
"Secchan," the healer mumbled, her words muffled by Setsuna's shirt which her face was now so deeply buried within. "Why did you run again?" However, the mage continued before the swordsman could even explain her actions or emotions. "This doesn't need to be complicated or painful or anything like that, Secchan," Konoka whispered, still pressing herself tightly against the other girl. She slowly pulled back, keeping her arms around Setsuna's body, and giggled tearily at the sight of Setsuna's confused face. "Everything can be simple because I love you too."
Setsuna scoffed at the mage's words, pulling away from the other girl. "I don't believe you," Setsuna declared flatly. The words suddenly tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop herself, but she found that she had said exactly what she wanted to say. After her own confession back in Konoka's dorm and after the rejection she had felt, Setsuna wasn't about to accept Konoka's words so easily. "You can't just say 'I love you' like that and expect me to believe you."
"What? How can you even say that?" Konoka asked in a rather hurt voice, causing Setsuna to feel guilty about her choice of words. Nevertheless, the swordsman's feelings remained unchanged, even as she gazed at the upset mage standing in front of her.
"What about you?" Setsuna retorted coldly. "How can you suddenly say you love me after everything that just happened in your room? You couldn't even bring yourself to kiss me!"
"Well call me old fashioned, but I've always thought that the ministra magi should be the one to initiate the kiss," Konoka said with a lighthearted smile.
"That's not funny," Setsuna mumbled, looking away again.
"Secchan," Konoka chided gently, "please don't be so mad at me. Do you want to know why I didn't kiss you upstairs?" she asked, slowly regaining Setsuna's gaze. "She looks so fragile," the mage thought, looking at the other girl. "Maybe she can understand my feelings about this too...".
Konoka took a deep breath in order to gather her thoughts before trying to explain her emotions to the swordsman. "The way I feel about you isn't something that I suddenly discovered this afternoon," Konoka said, looking meaningfully at the other girl to show that she understood how recently Setsuna had come across her own emotions. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember, Secchan, and it's been hard for me."
"Hard?" Setsuna looked quizzically at the other girl, slowly trying to let go of the frustration she felt.
"Yes, hard. It was hard because I had to hide my feelings from you all this time," Konoka admitted, smiling sadly. "I knew you didn't feel the same way about me, or that maybe you did but you just didn't know what you were feeling. And I knew that if I said anything to you, I'd just scare you away. I've been hiding my feelings this whole time, waiting for the moment when I could finally see that you loved me too."
"But upstairs just now, couldn't you see how I felt? The way I..." Setsuna sheepishly mimed the way she had pushed the mage up against the wall and blushed.
"Well you surprised me," Konoka admitted, remembering how uncharacteristically aggressive Setsuna had been with her. "I never expected you to do something like that, not that I minded," she added with a playful smile. "Really, I wanted to kiss you, but I wasn't exactly sure what you were doing or what you wanted to happen, so I waited to see what you would do."
"It probably would have helped if I had told you I loved you before I tried to kiss you," Setsuna admitted, mentally kicking herself and drawing a laugh from Konoka. The swordsman managed a smile as the mage lifted a hand to Setsuna's cheek to wipe away the warm, glistening tears that had stopped falling.
"I'll say it over and over again if I have to, Secchan. I love you, as in I love you, and I'll prove it in any way I need to," Konoka whispered, leaning in toward Setsuna. The mage hesitated briefly as she started to bring their bodies closer together, worrying whether or not she was forcing the swordsman into an uncomfortable situation. She needn't have worried. Taking the cue, Setsuna leaned in as well, smiling as she brought a guiding hand up to caress Konoka's cheek.
"At last," Setsuna thought blissfully, slowly closing the distance between them, waiting for the feel of Konoka's lips to finally grace her own. However, as the swordsman brought her lips down to meet Konoka's, the mage suddenly pulled away, leaving a dismayed Setsuna staring back at her. "K-kono-chan?"
"Spin me."
"What?" Setsuna asked, staring stupidly back at the mage. With a mischievous smile, Konoka placed her hands within Setsuna's, gazed meaningfully at the other girl and waited for her to make the connection. "You... you remembered?" A look of childish delight crossed Setsuna's face as she tightened her grip on Konoka's hands.
"Who ever said I forgot?"
Smiling brightly, Setsuna easily lifted Konoka off of the ground, allowing the mage to feel the warm wind rush past her as her protector gracefully spun her in the air. Konoka shrieked with laughter, fully enjoying the experience that Setsuna was allowing her to have. However, she knew that the best part of this was yet to come as the swordsman finally lowered her to the ground again.
"How was that?" Setsuna asked as the mage came to a stumbling landing before her. She stepped forward to catch the unsteady girl and waited for Konoka to recover her balance. However, without regaining her footing, the mage launched herself upon the swordsman, pulling them both to the ground and finally capturing Setsuna's lips in a fiery kiss. Though unexpected, the kiss was definitely not unwanted, which was what Setsuna conveyed as she allowed herself to be pushed to the ground by the mage, ardently returning the kiss. Out of breath, Konoka pulled away first, beaming down at the swordsman trapped beneath her.
"It was good," she giggled, answering Setsuna's earlier question, "but I think we need to try it again to make sure." Konoka and Setsuna smiled at each other, bringing their lips together again, knowing that this kiss wouldn't be their last.
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Shining Tears
Epilogue: New Beginnings
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"PACTIO!!" Chamo shouted, raising his hands energetically above his head. Konoka and Setsuna pulled away from each other slowly, blushing as applause broke out over their completed pactio ritual. As the wind died down and the magic circle beneath their feet disappeared, Konoka grinned and exaggeratedly bowed to the small audience gathered before them while Setsuna bent down to pick up her newly formed pactio card.
"Congratulations!" Haruna cried, whistling loudly. The shrill sound echoed noisily within Evangeline's cottage, earning the spectacled manga artist a reproving smack on the head from Evangeline.
"Knock it off!" the vampire shouted, silencing the rowdy girl. Nodoka and Yue joined in on congratulating Konoka and Setsuna for completing their pactio, though in a more dignified way. "Jeez, why did you guys have to do this at my place, anyway?" she grumbled as she watched all of the cheerful people around her.
"Because you're a nice little vampire who just loves having her friends over, aren't you?" Asuna taunted the shorter girl in a baby voice, causing Evangeline to strike a heavy fist at her head. The orange haired girl dodged the blow nimbly and placed a placating hand on Evangeline's head. "Come on, she loves having company over, doesn't she?" she asked, turning toward Negi and Chachamaru for confirmation.
"Oi, don't answer that, Chachamaru!" the vampire ordered, satisfied by Chachamaru's obedient response of "Yes, master."
"And that's that!" Chamo announced, referring to the completed ritual, briefly breaking up the squabble between Evangeline and Asuna. "Now if you all don't mind, I'm going to find Chachazero and celebrate my fifty thousand ermine dollar earnings," he excused himself as he scampered out of the room.
"Hey, Negi-sensei? Is it okay for Setsuna-san to have pactios with two different mages?" Yue asked as she looked at the new card in the swordsman's hands.
"Oh right," Setsuna remembered, pulling out her proof of contract with Negi and holding the cards side by side. She glanced at both images of herself and turned to Negi. "Do I need to get rid of my first card?" she asked.
"No, it's fine for you to have both. It would only be a problem if you were forming a permanent pactio," Negi explained. "You can hold onto both of them until you and Konoka decide you want to form a permanent one. Konoka-san can hold onto her card with me until that time, as well."
"Eh?" Konoka asked with eager interest. "Permanent pactio? What would we need to do to make one of those, Negi-kun?" Konoka, Setsuna, Asuna, Nodoka, Yue, and Haruna turned toward Negi for an explanation and watched as the ten year old mage slowly turned red under their scrutiny. To their enormous surprise, Evangeline began to blush as well.
"Uh..." Asuna nervously laughed. "What's going on Negi? Eva-chan? How do you make a permanent pactio?"
Instead of answering, however, Negi laughed nervously and looked away. "I don't think I should be the one to say it. Um, Evangeline-san...?"
All eyes turned expectantly upon Evangeline, who also looked away. "I'll tell you all when you're older," said the blushing vampire before walking out of the room with Chachamaru at her heels.
"But Negi-kun already knows and he's even younger than we are!" Konoka protested to her retreating magic teacher.
"And I bet at his age, he's traumatized by what he knows," Evangeline called over her shoulder.
"Traumatized...?" Konoka echoed. She turned back to the rest of the group to find that everyone except Asuna now had a tinge of pink coloring their cheeks. "Negi-kun, I don't get it," Konoka said, pouting slightly. She looked to Yue, Nodoka, and Haruna for help, but they simply looked at one another before averting their gazes, blushing ever redder than before.
"I don't get it either," Asuna said, bopping Negi lightly on the head with the back of her hand. "Hurry up and tell us," she ordered.
"When you get older..." Negi nervously replied as noticeable beads of sweat formed on his forehead.
"Older my foot," Asuna yelled at him. "I'm already 5 years older that you! Just tell me!"
"No, I don't want to!" Negi whimpered pathetically before scurrying out of the room.
"Negi-kun!" Konoka called, reaching out to grab him as he ran past her. However, Setsuna slipped her hand into Konoka's so that Negi passed by them unhampered with Asuna chasing after him.
"T-that's okay. We don't have to do that now," Setsuna told the mage, blushing. She had a feeling she knew what it took to make a permanent pactio and, if she was right, then she wasn't quite ready to take that step just yet. "This is okay for now, isn't it?" she asked Konoka, holding up her newly formed pactio card.
"It is," Konoka smiled, gently holding onto one side of the card as Setsuna held the other. "For now," she whispered seductively, lightly kissing Setsuna on the cheek and resting her head in the crook of Setsuna's neck.
Setsuna placed a hand on the place that Konoka had just kissed, the same place where Konoka had kissed her for the first time so many years ago, and smiled softly at the girl beside her. The swordsman felt an enormous amount of resolution was infused into this single moment. So much had happened, so much was to come and this, she felt, would be the start of a wonderful new beginning for her and Konoka.
(the end. ^^)
