Guys at Mon Don...do.

The reasons for me considering this little-known fact on this particular day?
Reason One: Today, as we sat waiting for the second bell to ring in English class, two of my esteemed gentleman classmates began mock-waltzing in the front of the room. Actually, it was more real than mock, but for argument's sake, it doesn't matter. Now, I knew for a fact that one of the guys has a girlfriend,and it was (probably) just a joke between friends, but it nevertheless reminded me of how utterly gay our school is.

Reason Two: is much gayer. I happened to pick up a juicy bit of gossip from my friend that a pair of freshman boys were seen kissing. Where, I don't know. Why, I'm not sure (I think she said they were trying to hook up with some girl. :p), and don't really care. But honestly, the only thing I could think was, "That is so Mon Don." Way to go, Catholic school.

That said, I love my school. We're weird, we're gay, we're bisexual, we're Wiccan, we're Asian (we have a HUGE Asian contingency, mostly Filipino), we're everything under the sun. And I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Wow. I just reread that. That's extremely corny. But true. Ugh. Cannoli are really good.

Now...on to more relevant things. I hope my friend doesn't feel like I'm pushing her away. I'm not...I just had an entire conversation in my head. Sorry. I'll continue.

I used to like her a lot (for the sake of clarity, let's call her Aimee [not her real name! XP]). I was two seconds away telling her so. But I didn't. I'm not sure what would have happened (I don't think she would have gotten mad or anything; in fact, I think she would have liked it, but whatever. On with the show.), but what I didn't do, I didn't do. Then, and this is some time after, I first realized I liked her...second half of sophomore year, and this next thing happened beginning of junior year, then one of my other friends (we'll call her Kathie) asked me if I liked Aimee. At first, I told her no, because she told me that someone else had asked her if I liked Aimee, and I didn't want her just going and telling anyone. I trust only certain people with certain secrets. So, after worming it out of Kathie who it was that asked her, I told her the truth, and she was a little shocked. I think it was just an initial thing, probably from the way she was raised (her parents are SERIOUS Catholics), because she and I still have a great friendship. But after talking to her, I started thinking about exactly why I liked Aimee. Probably the biggest mistake I made in dealing with this. I tend to analyze and over-analyze things, until they no longer hold any meaning. So, I analyzed the hell out of Aimee and how she and I relate, and came to the conclusion that I only liked her because she was one, a source of physical affection (she's always hugging me for no reason; she's very girly like that) that as a teenager, my hormones dictate I must have, and two, she was a source of feminine attention that I didn't feel that I was receiving from my mother. Then I realized that any relationship we had could possibly be ruined from the fact that I hate talking about my emotions (hence, the writing here :p), and the fact that she wears hers on her freakin' sleeve. After that was the Christmas concert, a time for some reason every year when I get extremely emotional. I avoided her a lot for a while, but eventually the voices in my head made me get close to her again, but this time it was different. Now, I'm not sure if I still like her; I think I do, but I've been shying away from physical contact with her. But then again, even as I'm writing this, I'm joking with her and want to go sit next to her (we're in Mock Trial practice, by the way, last one before competition tomorrow, woohoo!!). So, I don't know if it's just me acting up and in a mood, or if my own analysis has been driven into my brain so hard that subconsciously I'm trying to avoid anything starting between us.

*Sigh* Emotions are way too complicated and overrated.
Signed,
Kim