i should be used to the bitter taste of it....yet i keep getting set up for it, i say i won't do it next time, but when he says something about coming over again, i just can't resist it, because, after all, i don't have friends besides him so when he says something about coming over, i jump at it, i can't help it...and then the time comes for him to come over...and he doesn't show ~.~

i'm so tired of it, my heart is so very tired and beaten down, my mind has been tested so much this past week, my body has been as well, got so mad at work that i punched a wall multiple times and i believe i've bruised my knuckles because my knuckles hurt like crap but there's no visible bruise

in other news at work, the lady who knows about me liking him and such, yeah, we aren't really on talking terms now..she pissed me off so much because she got mad at me for no reason, she assumed something and then got all mad without talking to me about it, i had to ask her because i could see on her face that she was mad, when she told me she was mad at me, i was all...fuck this, because of this, i punched the wall some more, threw my ratchet half-way across the plant into said wall, it's just...urgh, it's like i'm not meant to be happy or something, lately i've been having the thoughts of being through with life...i know that's a terrible thought but i can't help it, i honestly do care about this guy, he gives me the warm fuzzy feeling, he makes me nervous, my heart goes into the back of my throat and i never know what to say, but when we do get talking, i'm good around him, it's just....a hold he has over me i guess