I wrote a lot of negative stuff here...and then something wacky happened and all the pages I had opened refreshed themselves...O.o;
Just now my brother and dad, without much warning, took the laptop with all my files on it while I was in the middle of a picture...so now I'm depressing...I just had a big temper tantrum...then because of the tantrum I got suicidal thoughts.
Truly I am just without happiness right now. I move where I am now, hate it, fear it, just try to ignore it most of the time. Then I lose my cat, the thing in life I loved the dearest, and the only thing I can lean on are material things...I keep getting mad or emotional at little things...it's driving me insane.
Heh...I keep crying and more snot keeps coming out! XD I have to keep going to the bathroom to clean my face...'orz
This is making me feel better...'cept for the above part. I think it'll take me a really long time before I can get over my cat...
But in better news I have found that cats make me happy, anyways! I was always afraid that they'd make me cry every time I see them...but it turns out I love cats so much they always will make me smile and feel all fuzzy inside.
Which is why I'm debating on whether to change the background of this world or not. I like this background...but I want a more journal-ish cute-sy background so badly...I can't decide! TT^TT
Oh! Other good-ish news. My parents, mostly my dad, kept saying about how terribly hard it is to become a citizen of Japan...and I also keep hearing this from everyone else, but then I looked up several places and ignored those statements and realized, it's actually much easier than I thought. I also realized my dad is more super-pro American and ignorant of other countries when we had an argument about China. We were both saying that China doesn't have as much human rights as America, or it's more restricted or something like that, but then he said America was the free-est country on Earth and the best...which I completely disagree with, and so did my mom. My mom brought up the point about all these innocent people being put in jail for petty crimes...Which I agree with, and that's why America isn't the free-est or the best country on Earth.
There is no such thing as the best country on Earth. Opinions are not facts. I stand by the 'opinions are not facts' idea mostly when debating things so I can try and think from different perspectives on things...but I also use my morals...
Sorry, now I'm just talking about politics! XD
Basically in Japan you just have a bunch of applying and paperwork and stuff you have to pay to become a citizen, but you don't have to take any tests, but you do have to obviously know the language. It just takes 10 years, less if you marry a person, and most of the time people get married in that 10 years slot of time! XD I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.
But I also heard that if you're a foreigner, it'll take a lot to get an apartment and it's also really expensive.
Tokyo is really expensive...that's like saying New York is really expensive. I think we already know that huge cities are expensive! XD
So the cheapest way to live is to live in a Gaijin house which I don't think has a shower...TT^TT So when my (evil) plans to live in Japan happen I will have to suck up the fact that there is no shower...'orz
Back to the above complaining thing...I think I would have been fine with the laptop thing if they had told me hours or even a few days before when they planned to do this instead of randomly taking it without telling me until a few hours before...actually more like a few minutes before because I didn't know they were leaving today. I have to have warnings on things or they'll freak me out and I'll crack...I have a lot of stuff bottled up inside me because a lot of things bother me...
I guess I just believed in what the adults and teachers and what I had learned as a preschooler and older that we should all share, be fair to each other, stop when they tell you to stop, etc. that you learned when you were little is to be followed. But hardly anybody does that.
Is that just human nature?
I'll give photoshop a whirl...on an old computer...
I REALLY want a wacom...SOOO so bad. I think my tablet right now is dying on me...
There are so many things I want to buy it depresses me, because I have no money...or do I? That uncertainty drives me crazy when I think about it. I know my brother owes me a lot...but I can't remember if I still have money from Christmas or my birthday...'orz
I will ask for a wacom for christmas and hopefully my mom will buy me it! I might have to hold out on Zelda...and maybe no pre-order it...but I don't like being left out...yet at the same time, I know a lot of people, once they know something that most people don't know, love to brag about it. I know I do! XD Though there are some that over-brag...liike the people who CONTINUOUSLY REPEAT whatever is...like an inside joke...most of the time I DO know what they're talking about and that makes it even worse...'orz
I wanna get Xenosaga and a whole bunch of other games...and manga...But I think wacom would be the most important to buy because games and manga are recreational things, wacom would be my life...XD
I dream of the day when I have my own room that I can decorate (I do have my own room, but I'm actually too shy to do anything with it...my mom gets really excited over certain things so I don't like doing anything...'orz Excitement scares me because the other side of it is disappointment, which my biggest fear/weakness)...let's say apartment that I can decorate, and clean myself and buy my own dishes and appliances and clothes and all that jazz. Living in a house with family members that are...well, we may not talk to eachother much, but I'm really shy...'orz I don't like to do anything because I don't want to hear their comments or support at all...I don't know why...maybe because the support either embarrasses me or goes to my head or I just don't want to hear anything negative from them...'orz
Anyways...I want my room to look like this:
That's my favourite part of the commercial! Seeing that room! *.* I'd want a colourful modern cute-sy room like that...Mainly I'm just looking at the floor and walls! XD
And I'd have cutesy pets and cutesy wardrobe and...*explodes in cute-ness*
Okay...I should go do something now!
I have flash on here........*.*
