I have been getting loads of homework recently because my school doesn't believe in breaks (unless breaks mean breaks from tests? But it doesn't mean breaks from presentations or papers).
I am on my break the week after next and yeahh...way too much homework...so I gots no free time.
But tonight I ditched socializing to watch some dramas and I just realized I should probably post about this one here since this something I've probably been going on about for years that I've always wanted to go to Japan, of course.
THE TIME HAS COME!
Next year I get to study abroad in JAPAN~ :D I get to see mah friends again and go shoppin' and buy some real clothes~ (Not kids clothes...for that is what I wear...;orz). I also plan on cutting my hair the style that I want it that American hairstylist people just don't understand for some reason. When I say cut my hair like the picture I would like my hair cut like the picture, that doens't mean give me a trim....O.o; What the heck America??? (Or just cheap hair cutting places and the few salons I've been to)
I am trying my best not to get too excited, but it's not really working since it's already invaded my dreams. It makes it difficult to concentrate on the now...AKA homework.
Yep...but as you can see my brain is not currently working right now and only wants to consume romantic dramas right now...sooo...yeah...can't say much right now. Definitely dead after a week of really hard exams in classes that I can't understand (Economics does not work in my brain).
Oh! There's something to talk about! I just need to get stuff off my chest right now and rant 'n stuff...
I think it's just because I stressed because of my classes but I've been hating people a lot recently. I feel like everyone thinks I'm an idiot because I don't understand Chemistry or Economics (economics especially since this is a first level class) like they do. I am also an Art Major, and that doesn't seem to mean much to anyone.
I've been getting especially annoyed by my friends quoting 'art majors' to argue with me. Excuse me? Am I not an art major as well? Does my opinion not matter but some random 'art major' you met does matter? Also for some reason my friends have been majorly criticizing my doodles for no reason...O.o; I don't understand...it's like they are trying their best to say that I am an idiot and not a real art major or something. Like they were asking who my favourite artists were and then judging me about that...O.o; I like most artists, why do I have to have a specific and obscure favourite. I just gave them Leyendecker, I guess he is slightly obscure, but there are too many artists that I like I really can't just show off my 'art major' status with names of some French guys...
They were asking of the masters...and like....seriously...anybody who knows about the masters know they are MASTERS. They are amazing artists each with their own styles and major skills. Leonardo had his own anatomy style different than Michelangelo's and I like them both a lot, but I don't feel like I could really compare because their styles are so different to me.
Also I often recommend movies and anime to people and nobody ever watches what I recommend them (except for a few of my friends who don't really influence the group). I like having inside jokes about anime or movies that I like. I do that with my brother and my roommate, since we usually watch the same movies and anime. Then recently one of my friends got everyone to watch a movie that he liked and then everyone declared him the movie person since all the movies he's recommended were good. What? You never watched the movies I recommended? What the heck?! And then somebody else was the anime person. She got my friends to read yaoi and watch yaoi shows...Why is she the anime person???? I write research papers about anime and manga and I have written some manga myself and taken classes on it and I am not the anime/manga person?? Nobody cares about my opinions about things I care about...
It really pisses me off...
Maybe I am just feeling insecure about not being able to understand Economics at all...since everyone else in my class seems to understand it pretty well and lots of my friends are Economics majors and apparently it is the easiest class at my school. But I think the teacher I chose was harder on the students than the other teachers, thus the reputation of it being easy...But no...my brain does not want to understand Economics....;m;
They've also been talking to me a lot like I am their pet or some sort of weirdo...O.o; I guess my interests are slightly eccentric...but I dunno...I don't know if I want to be friends with people who look down on my interests...I have become a joke to them and I am unable to have any deep conversations. This may just be because they usually just want to relax and joke and hang out.
I also really hate hanging out. It makes me feel so stressed out. I enjoy talking, but not hanging out. I could be dancing, drawing, practicing Japanese, writing manga, anything but no, they want me to 'hang out'.
Also I just learned about one of my 'friends' using 'negging' on me...O.o; Or that's what my other friends called it. I had a slightly open hearted conversation about being stressed and stuff and how I want to have deeper conversations with people, but they just want to make jokes and then he said 'See, you aren't an idiot.'
When did I ever say I was an idiot?
I am very sensitive about being thought of as an idiot. I think most people probably are. I like my image of an intelligent person, but I break it down and be silly with friends because we have different areas of expertise and I am not perfect and have not memorized all the terms in the world.
I try my best to not really talk about anything because somebody always tells me I am wrong or say I am saying something really far-fetched and ughh... Maybe I just have communication problems I don't know...but people...I don't want to talk to them anymore...it's too stressful...
Also my only friends in my chemistry class think I am the biggest idiot ever when it comes to chemistry. Every time I work with them in a group they keep telling me I am wrong and that the oldest girl has the right answer and then I ask the professor and it turns out I was right all along and then they apologize to me. This happens every time.
Another time, by the advice of my professor, I asked my friends if we could meet and discuss the chapters in order to study because you really know your stuff if you can have a conversation about it or explain it to somebody else, so I thought it would be helpful for everyone if we explained what we thought some of the concepts were and to say it in our own words.
But INSTEAD they thought that I needed HELP on it.
No, that was not the original plan.
As they saw I did know the content and the 'help' seemed pretty pointless. Yes, it was pointless. I wasn't asking for 'help'. Why did they think I needed help if they didn't think I was an idiot?
I have been thinking really hard recently about what friends are and I don't know what they are anymore.
I don't think I enjoy having friends that I know that well because then I depend on them for things that they end up never doing like inviting me to play table top rpgs or just talking with me for more than 30 minutes even though I cut out a lot opportunities to talk to famous artists in order to hang out with them longer and I just sit alone in my apartment, or eating dinner with me on my birthday, or even just y'know including me in that fact that you are eating out somewhere else on my birthday and won't be able to eat dinner with me, or letting me borrow your umbrella so that my laptop doesn't drown in the rain...just things I thought friends would do...
I guess nobody is perfect...
I DO know I have a habit of getting really upset at people the more I hang out with them. I think it's mainly just that I am tired to seeing them every day and I am at my limit of socializing with those particular friends...
BLAH
Sorry for the long rant...I think I am done now...
Recently I have been writing down random ideas I get at random times! Hopefully I will get into the habit of writing these in manga form since most of them are short story ideas. I want to be able to show short concise scenes with a lot of emotion so that if I make the story longer then each chapter will be powerful and I can put meaning into each page so that the story won't be so flat.
I'll just give you my ideas for the heck of it! Maybe they will inspire you as well (I have a lot more written down in notecards and napkins in my pocket but I haven't organized anything so these are the only ones I could find so far):
Reverse Harem #1
Girl who is a like a play boy getting all the boys and flaunting them in front of friends.
Reverse Harem #2
Girl who isn't interested in romance is raided by typical romantic characters types. Tries to put them off on other girls instead of herself.
Guy who is outside of the harem
*Girl who can see success and help guys to their success that she likes. She always pushes them to a place she can't reach so that they can reach their dreams. She does this for many guys, but there is only one guy who doesn't want to be separated from her.
*Person/robot who acts as an average of all the feelings or decisions of the people in a room.
*the smallest particle is the largest space. The world is like a loop ever shrinking and growing. There is not a biggest or smallest (This one makes sense to me! XD It probably makes no sense to anyone else though...XD)
Wellpppp....
I'll end this with a nice song:
BAI BAIIII
