I feel like most people have abandoned this place! ;m; I guess I did too...(only two people posting in my feed...??)
However....I have graduated~!! Yay! It's over! No more homework!
Until I have to work...
I am still not sure when or where exactly that is, but I will be teaching English in Japan sometime this year!
I don't know how busy that means I will be, but I know I will be significantly lonely! XD I mean, I will finally be able to hang out with my friends more often, but I am betting we will all be too busy to hang out too often...
But that is what the internet is for! ;D
For right now I am just waiting on the email/phone call telling me where I will be placed, and then gonna go through lots of visa paperwork and stuff, while packing and whatever. It's the weekend so I have a lot of waiting to do...XD
Oh yeah! I published a 30 page manga book! If you want one please private message me! I am still working on how to exactly send people stuff (paypal set up and stuff) and I am also going to be putting it on tapastic!
I did a lot this year...but I did not enjoy my year so far....
Up until now (maybe still a little bit) I had severe anxiety about social relationships since around January.
I thought I would talk a little bit about it just in case other people have been through similar things, although I prefer not to get into too much detail.
I had so much anxiety over if my friends actually liked me or not, or that they thought I was annoying etc. etc. that it was paralyzing. I could not sleep, could not eat, could not do my homework, and got angry at my friends a lot.
It was a vicious cycle, too. If I didn't do my homework I could not sleep. If I didn't sleep I would get mad at my friends. If I got mad at my friends I could not eat or sleep.
I feel better now, but I still overthink things sometimes and have that stomach drop feeling with the fast heartbeat as if I just fell down the stairs.
I don't really want to explain why I felt this way, because I prefer not to remember it all...I am still quite confused and irritated about it...but I think it is best to forget. Most of it was based in my poor japanese language ability and a lot of other anxiety that was already built up.
I went to a therapist who helped me with sleeping, but I didn't really get a change in perspective until I started watching Kamen Rider.
My friends make fun of me about how obsessed I am with Kamen Rider, but I can't even begin to explain how much it saved me. I was in a really dark place where even being happy made me hate myself, but when I watched Kamen Rider I learned that all those thoughts are trivial. Sometimes people are annoying, sometimes people do stupid things, that doesn't make them less worthy of a person.
Kamen Rider is a show for kids and fairly cheesy, the themes and such everyone knows, so I feel kind of embarrassed for having that change my perspective. It isn't like I didn't know to treat everyone kindly, to believe in yourself, etc. but I didn't really understand what it meant. I didn't understand the gravity of those words.
If anyone else finds themselves feeling this way, try to change your perspective by watching new things or something. Even kids' shows can be helpful.
Just somethings I learned and try to remember:
-Just because you make mistakes and maybe hurt other people's feelings does not mean you are a bad person. If you know you did and care a lot about it, then that means you are a good person. A good person tries to fix mistakes. A bad person does not care.
Thus, if you feel like a bad person because you sad mean things to somebody, just apologize and try to make it up. Even if you do it over and over again, at least you are trying.
-Don't do something that will make yourself cry! (It is complicated and I don't know how to explain it, but whenever I feel down I remember this...even though I still don't quite understand what it means)
-Any bad decision can be rectified!
-For every bad thought attack it with 10 positive thoughts (it doesn't have to be 10, just think more positive than bad)
-You are born and live to find happiness! If you can't find it, it just means you can't find it at the moment. It is important to find happiness in things. You were not born to suffer.
-Make each decision with the fullness of heart and mind. Mistakes are lessons learned; they're not meant to be regrets.
-Self hate is conceit! (You are not being humble by disliking yourself, you are only hurting yourself)
-There is not one perfect person. Supporting each other and living is a life game.
-Only you can trust yourself and love yourself, you cannot receive love from somebody else if you don't know how to love yourself.
-People are people, they are not good or bad. You cannot make your friends 'do good' you can only be their friend.
Most of these things I still hard for me to remember, but I wonder if I tell them to myself enough, I will become a better person.
Anyway~
I am hoping that if my year was this bad at the beginning maybe it will be great at the end? XD But that kind of thinking is also not good. 'cause there really is no good or bad.
I keep chickening out on posting this post, but I am gonna post it anyway! XD
With the remainder of my free time I hope to draw more stuff, be more active online, play more video games, and WATCH ALL 40 SEASONS OF KAMEN RIDER! MUAHAHAHAHA!!
Seriously, if you have never watched Kamen Rider I suggest starting with either Kamen Rider W or Kamen Rider OOO. They will make your heart bleed with friendship.
Also after writing 60 pages of a manga...I still want to write more manga...;3; Lesse if I will finish anything! XD
