Today…I realized a few things….
First off, I realized that there is more to life than this not drawing, but this sense being pulled to the computer everyday after school….I’m not sure what about the internet and the computer that fascinates and appalls me so much….there are better things that I can be doing with my time… like spending time with my friends and family….my dad for some odd reason showed me that today-unintentionally-
He was just…so...kind about it…he asked me to do some chores today, like always, then he told me when they were done I could go on the internet. Now, I know it sounds like I am being dramatic, but for some odd reason it really got to me, not what he said, but HOW he said it…I looked up at the sky and for an instant, I imagined the whole world, smiling down upon me, telling me to wake up and open my eyes…I stood there for a minute, watching the rain in the distance, wondering about it.
As well as the fact that reality gave me the guilt trip of a lifetime, I have been feeling something coming from here, my home at theO…I feel like, no matter how hard I have been trying, I can’t seem to make the first page on the fan art section of theO…it seems even though I have been trying harder and harder, my work is starting to get less and less popular. I am loosing viewers, favs, and hugs from some of the people I care most about here. I miss the feeling of pride and joy I used to get when I logged on the Otaku and saw that I got new comments…I realize that I will never get immediate results when I do something-everything needs equivalent exchange- but I can’t help but feel a little jealousy (and I am being completely honest when I say this) when I see people’s art on the first page. I know I may sound a bit hot-headed or whatever you want to call it….but I am only being who I am…..me….
But my hopes won’t be crushed, I will keep trying, in hopes for a wonderful time to come on theOtaku -my sanctuary-
~Samantha~