Sweaty, overheated and exhausted under the heat of the midday sun, Choji stared up at his precious bag of Volcano Barbeque potato chips. Only 30 meters left! He had already climbed over triple that distance up the giant tree, and to turn back now would be foolish.
“SHIKAMARU!”
“WHAT?” the lazy chunnin answered from the bottom of the tree.
“WHAT DO I DO IF I FALL?”
“YOU USE YOUR MULTI-SIZE TECHNIQUE! BUT WARN US FIRST!”
“ALRIGHT! I’LL TRY TO TELL YOU WHICH SIDE I’M FALLING OFF!”
Shikamaru sat at the base of the tree trunk, idly scanning the forest for any possible threats. Not too far off, ‘Ambassador’ Temari sat on a stump, waiting for her escort to complete his ‘D-ranked mission’. She didn’t buy it, but she didn’t have to. She had to just go along with it.
“You think his falling screams will not suffice?” she droned sarcastically.
“Every second counts.”
“Especially with chubby.”
Choji swept the sweat from his brow and started to climb again. Hand over hand, foot over foot, gripping the bark physically, digging into the wood with his chakra. The thorny branches make shallow cuts in his skin, but he ignored the pain and kept climbing as dribbles of blood began to trickle down his arms and legs. He reached his hand…..
A HORNET NEST!
He had disturbed a massive hornet nest! Immediately, he was plagued by the stinging insects that dwelled within. He screamed in agony.
“CHOJI?”
More screaming.
“CHOJI, WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING SO LOUDLY?”
“Oh, relax. He’s fine. He’s probably screaming about some trivial little injury like a splinter in his groin or……”
“HORNETS! TENS OF THOUSANDS OF HORNETS! THEY’RE RIPSHIT PISSED OFF BECAUSE I TOUCHED THEIR NEST!!!!!!!”
“See, like I said, trivial little injury.”
“GRAB THE NEST CHOJI!”
“WHAT??!?!?!?? SHIKAMARU, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR F***ING MIND?!!??!”
“GRAB IT AND THROW IT AWAY!”
That one actually made sense. Emitting a guttural battle cry, Choji viciously seized the nest from which the large insects poured out. Ignoring the hundreds of stingers maliciously piercing his hide, he cranked his arm back and threw the nest as far as he could. It soon disappeared from his vision, and the stinging insects followed after it. Choji let a primal victory cry erupt from his chest that echoed across the forest most epically before resuming his climb to the top.
“Geez, you’d think he was a caveman who’d just ripped the head off a sabretooth tiger barehanded or something….” Temari glanced around casually before she felt the burn of Shikamaru’s stare. She looked back at him, trying to recognize the look on his face. “What?”
“You consider a splinter in the groin to be a ‘trivial little’ injury?”
“Yes!”
Shikamaru shook his head. “Clearly you have never handled any variety of wood before.”
To this, Temari had no idea how to respond.
