[C]Marcus Wolfe’s Real Man Anime Talk Show! By Men, For Men Because Marcus Damn Well Feels Like It!![/C]
[C]Hello everybody, and welcome to[/C]
[C]Marcus Wolfe’s Real Man Anime Talk Show!![/C]
In every episode, Marcus brings together the biggest, the baddest, the best male anime characters from whatever animes he damn well feels like and sits their asses down for some man to man talk! Events in various animes will be discussed! Advantages and disadvantages of fame debated! Fan questions answered! Frequent verbal abuse! Bad language used! Fights break out! Scores settled! Exclamation marks overused!
Tonights guests are:
The Ramen Eating Ninja: Naruto Uzumaki!
The World’s Greatest Sand Castle Builder: Gaara no Sabuku!
AND
The Swordsman That Is Definitely Over 9000: Kenpachi Zaraki!
So, with no further ado, we give you our host: MARCUS WOLFE!!!
MW: Hey, everybody, how’s it going? Well, a few days ago, my writer Jeff quit, so now I’m doing everything around here. Oh, I can just see all the joy in your faces…. Okay gentlemen, sit your asses down!
N: I hate to complain, but I’ve noticed there’s no food around here except those crazy glowing mushrooms.
MW: Oh, those are only glowing because they’re radioactive. (Eats a radioactive mushroom)
N: That doesn’t look healthy…..
MW: How can it not be healthy? It allows me to fire radioactive beams from my eyes!
Guy in the audience: You can’t fire radioactive beams from your eyes, dumbass!
MW: We’ll see who’s a dumbass, DUMBASS! (Melts guy’s crotch with radioactive beams) Suck on prostate cancer, bitch!
Guy in the audience: AAAAIGGGH! (runs out of studio)
K: Good shot. He was, what, at least 30 paces away?
G: The prostate cancer was a nice touch.
MW: Thank you, thank you. Now, we all love a good Chuck Norris joke. In fact, I read a whole book of them the other day. So, I decided to apply a few Chuck Norris jokes to various anime characters! For example: When Kenpachi Zaraki goes swimming, he does not get wet, instead, water gets Kenpachi Zaraki’d!
K: Oh, that’s so true.
MW: On the Chunnin Exams, Gaara wrote ‘violence’ for every answer and got a perfect score. Gaara can solve all his problems with violence.
G: (snickers) I’m sad to say that’s not true, there were at least 20 math questions on that test.
N: Which would make it even funnier if it was true.
K: 3+5=VIOLENCE!
G: I can just see somebody bashing a 3 and a 5 together….add up damn you!
(All round laughter)
MW: Whenever the government sends Naruto a tax form, he does not fill it out. Instead, he sends the tax agency a picture of himself crouched and ready to attack with nine tails chakra. Naruto does not have to pay taxes this way.
N: Oh, damn! I should try that sometime!
MW: In order to avoid overkill, I’ve decided to let my new jokes pop up where they seem appropriate. Now, since now fans haven’t sent in any questions, I have designed some questions similar to what the fans might ask. First: Gaara, what is your opinion on GaaLee?
G: Oh, for…….it’s disgusting! First of all, although I’ve never admitted it before, I keep a large collection of Playninja magazines somewhere in my room where neither Temari nor Kankuro will find them. Second, it’s disgusting! Third, I do not need another reason to commit suicide! Fourth, even if I was gay, Lee would not be my first choice. And fifth, if I ever figure out where Lee lives……I am going to kill him………
MW: Rock Lee lives in a round house.
N: It’s true! I’ve seen his house, it’s a perfect cylinder with a semisphere on top!
G: Lee lives in a SILO!?!?
N: Aw, crap, I shouldn’t have told you that, should I?
G: Meh, his teacher would probably save him anyways.
MW: After loosing a game of rock, paper, scissors to Kakashi, Gai has stopped playing rock, paper, scissors. He now plays rock, paper, scissors, kick to the nuts. He has yet to loose a round of rock, paper, scissors, kick to the nuts.
K: Personally, I never understood that game….what the F*** can paper do to rock? I mean, a rock can’t get a paper cut…..
N: And it’s not like wrapping the paper around the rock does anything…..
G: What’s the paper going to do? Fold itself into an origami crane and drop the rock off a cliff?
MW: Maybe the origami crane will be so pretty that it lowers the rock’s self image.
G: But what if the rock is a diamond?
MW: Hmm…..I’d say rock, paper, scissors needs to be modernized.
K: It definitely should involve fire and water.
N: Hmm….yes, but what would the third thing be?
G: Something that beats water and looses to fire….I’d have to say…….sponge.
N: Sponge?
K: Sponge!
MW: Highly flammable sponge! Well, now that that’s settled….. Aw, this is lame….. What’s the most Choiji can eat in an hour? Damnit, he’s not even on this episode. Let’s put it this way: Choiji once ate 3 72 oz steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes of the hour hitting on the waitress.
N: Meh…..that one’s a little weak.
MW: Well, here’s another one: Hey Marcus, which guy is the best arm wrestler in all of anime? Well, that’s a hard one. Can’t say for sure who’s the BEST, but we could list off the top 20 or so.
N: Choiji’s gotta be on that list, with his crazy growth ability. And you too, Gaara.
G: Oh, you mean when I go Shukaku and get my...uh…..
N: Right fist of doom?
G: Nah, you’re thinking Hellboy.
K: Do we count Hellboy as an anime guy?
MW: Well, I say we do!
N: On what proof?
MW: I’d say…..Hellboy: Sword of Storms and Hellboy: Blood and Iron.
K: Aw yeah, those are awesome! Love how he ends it in Sword of Storms.
G: Stabbing the demons with the broken blade bits to reseal them?
K: Yeah, that’s just cool.
N: I liked how, in Blood and Iron, all the flashbacks were in reverse order. I’ve never seen that before, with the latest flashback happening first, and the earliest flashback happening last.
MW: One of my favorite parts of the movie is when they were all trying to remember something at the beginning and the girl’s like “Oh, yeah, it was called the Monkey’s Paw” and the new guy says “What did you find there?” and Hellboy says “The best pastries ever.” Then he bites a donut and say “These suck.”
K: Haha! Good one! Now where were we?
MW: Listing off guys we don’t want to arm wrestle with…….. that includes most of the demons and half demons from Inuyasha….any main character in the Dragonball series….that guy who fought Choiji in the Saskue retrieval arc…….
N: And let’s not forget the Idiot Brothers from the filler arc!
MW: It’s very ironic that you say that, because filler always produces some forgettable characters……..
K: Chad! Wouldn’t want to arm wrestle with that guy!
MW: Chad once hit a hollow so hard he traveled both forward and backward in time. The hollow should reappear in 2065 and crash through the windshield of a flying car, as well as in 362 AD in the Bermuda Triangle, where it continues to make ships and airplanes mysteriously disappear.
K: Hah! Didn’t see that one coming.
MW: Kenpachi, did you know that Blizzard is trying to make you a boss in the new expansion of WOW?
K: Oh, no.
MW: Yeah, everytime you get attacked, the player gets killed. The beta testers say it’s a glitch. But we know otherwise.
Ok, that’s all the show we have for tonight. Be sure to tune in next time for another amazing show! So, until next time, this is (everybody say it with me now):
[C]Marcus Wolfe’s Real Man Anime Talk Show! By Men, For Men Because Marcus Damn Well Feels Like It!![/C]
and now a word from my sponsor:
http://www.samuraioflegend.net/register.php?REF=154204
