The world bores me yet again. And because I’m me, that means I’ve spent more time thinking about crazy things. Well, today, I was thinking about how the song ‘Never Had a Friend Like Me’ from Disney’s Aladdin would suit the relationship between Gaara and Shukaku. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last 16 years or so, here’s the video with original lyrics:
Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves
You got a brand of magic never fails
You got some power in your corner now
Some heavy ammunition in your camp
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp
And I'll say
Mister Aladdin, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like me
No no no
Life is your restaurant
And I'm your maitre d'
C'mon whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like me
Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service
You're the boss
The king, the shah
Say what you wish
It's yours! True dish
How about a little more Baklava?
Have some of column "A"
Try all of column "B"
I'm in the mood to help you dude
You ain't never had a friend like me
Can your friends do this?
Do your friends do that?
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?
Can your friends go, poof?
Well, looky here
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip
And then make the sucker disappear?
So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for your chare d'affaires
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh
Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!
And it seems perfect at first, but then I thought about it and realized it would only be perfect if slightly tweaked. So, without further ado, I give you my modified version:
Lyrics, as sung by Shukaku:
Well your sister’s got an awesome rack
Kankuro’s puppets got a thousand nails
But Gaara you in luck 'cause on your back
You got a sand defense that never fails
You will never feel any pain now
And cause more than any sword
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how
See all you gotta do is pop that gourd
And I'll say
Mister Gaara, sir
Who will your victim be?
Let me take that name
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like me
No no no
Life is your shooting range
And I'm a loaded gun!
C'mon whisper who it is you hate
You ain't never had a friend like me
Yes sir, I pride myself on sadism
You're the boss
The kage, the man
Say who you hate
They’re dead! First rate
How about a little more blood red sand?
Give them some Suna Bunshin
Crush them with Ryuusa bakuryu
I'm in the mood to kill some dudes
You ain't never had a friend like me
Weiweiwei
Saikou!
Weiweiwei
Zettai!
Weiweiwei
Bougyo!
Weiweiwei
Shukaku No tate!
Can your friends do this?
Do your friends do that?
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?
Can your friends go, poof?
Well, looky here
Can your friends go, Sabaku kyuu, Sabaku sousou!
And then make the sucker disappear?
So don’t just sit there , baggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your deathly prayers
You got me genuine, certified
You got a bijuu for your bloody affairs
I got a powerful urge to take people out
So who to kill? I really wanna know
You got a hit list that's three miles long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do is frown like so - and oh
You, Gaara, sir, have a foe or two or three
I'm on the task, you big badass
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!
(picks self up off floor after laughing)
So anyways, I’ll start working on a script to turn into a full-throttle musical performance today. I just started up my entrepreneurship company (RE-Tech, we upgrade, fix and replace computers) so I’ll have to see a customer some days right after school, but don’t worry, when I say I’m going to do something, I mean it. If you know anyone in an anime acting troupe, please, contact them now and tell them of the awesomeness that is to come soon.
