So yesterday was the big day. I got my divorce FINALIZED. I am now a free woman :D
So, usually the topic of divorce is sad, upsetting, sometimes depressing. However, my tone of the topic is HAPPY, RELIEVED, and CONTENT.
Before anyone says anything, let me give you my story.
When I was 18 (I’m 21 going on 22) I thought I found the one. I was dating my high school sweetheart for 2 1/2 years and he popped the question. I said yes. However. Everyone was upset. No one wanted it to happen, at least not any time soon, so they said “congrats” to the engagement, but said wait for the wedding. It got to the point where more and more people were more against the relationship than the engagement. They would tell me to leave him and that I will ruin my life if I continued being with him. Well, I ignored them.
About six months after getting engaged, he began to get cold feet and decided to “break it off for a while.” What I DIDN’T know was that he was interested in another girl and wanted to date her for a little while. So, when it didn’t work out with her, he came crawling back saying “he shouldn’t have taken that break, it made him realize how stupid it was and that he really wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.”
fast forward a few months. Anime Weekend Atlanta is approaching and we have extra money to spend. So, we talked about it on our way to AWA and decided to secretly get married. So we did. On September 17th 2009, I became a married woman. It was WONDERFUL.
fast forward three months. We finally announce that we got married, and, of course, everyone was PISSED. But, they just accepted it. Then all the trouble happened. My husband of 3 months says, “I think I want a divorce.” What. I was DEVASTATED. I didn’t eat for three days, and cried myself to sleep. It was nearing our 3 year anniversary of being together, so knowing that also hurt. Eventually, he comes back and says “he never meant it” and asked for forgiveness. Me being blind and stupid, I forgave him.
Anniversary was closer. Yet again, he mentions divorce and wanting to move to California. This time, I did research after hearing from someone that he had been talking to someone online the past two months. After research, I noticed he posted something to this girls page. I go to her page and see, what a shock, that she lives in California. And on her profile was his comment saying “Hey, beautiful, I love you, can’t wait to see you this summer :)”
That, was when I snapped. I messaged her saying “If you want the sleezy cheating bastard, you can fucking have him” and then proceeded to plan for divorce. Of course, it as heartbreaking, I was depressed for weeks.
Well, one day, he comes by to get a few of his things and as he starts to leave he hugs and kisses me and confesses everything to me. He says how horrible he felt and how he was really just lying to her to make her feel better and how she was threatening to harm herself, etc etc And with me being oh so stupid, thought it was true and then forgave him.
Fast forward several months. Just celebrated our one year of being married. One morning, before getting ready to go to class, I decide to check my messages. I got up to go to the computer, it wakes up and apparently he had been up chatting with his friends, which happens a lot. Until one sentence caught my eye before I clicked the “x” it was a message from him to a girl saying “I’m c*mming” and my heart sank. I scrolled through the chat box and found out that he was cybering this girl. I nearly puked and whenever that went away, I was filled with rage. I walked into the bedroom, where he was just finishing dressing, and landed the biggest, hardest slap across his face. He broke down crying saying it was a spur of the moment, random girl and that our lack of sex was the cause. And I believed him, because we hadn’t had successful sex in three months before then due to many issues, and forgave him.
Not quite.
In my mind, I didn’t trust him. Not one bit. I forgave him, but my trust was gone.
Fast forward a few months. A couple of months after our 4 year anniversary if being together, he comes to me saying he wants a divorce, again. First thing out of my mouth was “Who is she?” and he just responded “It’s nobody, I just don’t love you anymore” So, devastated me started crying and freaking out and he tried to hug me. I push him away, and a little too hard. He grabs my arm really hard and yanks me to him. He wouldn’t let me go, so I slap him after he started getting aggressive with me and ignoring my cries to let go. This pissed him off. He slaps me back, puts my arm behind my back and slams me onto our bed screaming “you do NOT slap me. EVER.” I panicked and managed to throw him off of me. I run into the bathroom as he chased me, slam the door in his face and lock it as fast as possible. The impact of the slam knocks down one of my cabinets and it crashes down, hitting me in the process, bruising and cutting me. I begin to have this huge panic attack in the bathroom (I’m extremely prone to them so they are even more intense when danger is actually present) and he is banging on the door, screaming to open it. He hears my attack and he instantly starts to apologize and bang on the door, shouting “open the god damn door! You need help! Let me in!” Like I really was going to let in the person who caused it…Eventually it quiets down, I’m about to pass out in the floor. I open the door and lay down and he comes in to apologize and bullshit. And I forgave him like the idiot I was.
After that episode, he moves in with his step-sister for a week. Me being stupid, I ask him to come back and he does. When he returns, his behavior changes drastically. He is overprotective of his phone, he asks to be left alone more often, our sex life dwindles to once every couple of weeks, and every time he answered his phone he would step outside and talk for hours. Now, I didn’t care very much, mainly because I was taking advantage of the time by myself to catch up on my art. He never let me draw because he wanted all my attention and would complain about it for DAYS.
a couple of months pass and his behavior is the same. However, one day I get a random friend request on FB from this girl who is friends with him. She is cute, bubbly, funny, and sweet. She says that he talks about me all the time and says that she can tell he loves me and that we are a cute couple etc etc and eventually we become good friends. After a month, she randomly messages me something.
“[he] is a douche bag. I am so pissed at him right now. I am DONE LYING FOR HIM. Me and [him] DID have a thing… not anymore. But ya we had a thing. He can call it whatever he wants, but usually when someone tells me they love me, I believe it. He is a liar and I lied for him. I am not going to lie for him. I like you too much to see him hurt you. So thats that, me and [him]… ya we had a thing. Don’t worry it’s over now. I ended it. You just needed to know the truth. I hate lying I havn’t lied since I was in the 7th grade. But I started lying again, to protect his cheating ass… I’m so sorry. But you had to know. I hope we can still be friends. I left him because of you. I hate to see such a nice talented person get hurt so bad, by a lying cheating douche bag.
O…m…g… I can’t believe I just wrote that. Alisha I’m so sorry I was just in the moment… and I felt like I needed to get everything off my chest. I feel like shit now.”
After getting this, I hacked into all of his stuff because I am MEGA pissed and had had it with all his bullshit. I find that he has nude photos of girls who he had been talking to on his email, found out he had cheated on me seven, SEVEN, times, two of which was three days beforehand, and that he first started cheating on me BEFORE we got married. So, my revenge was small but sweet.
I changed his password to a Japanese word with numbers and special characters to his FB, Email, and other social sites that he was on. I edited his FB, put his number on his profile and set his profile to Public, and let the humiliation begin. Apparently, one of my friends saw it and posted it on 4chan and THAT’S when it got good. When he came home that evening he told me 6 people texted him, one of which proposing a gay one night stand with him (he was a bit of a homophobe). It was awesome, especially since he couldn’t get into his stuff :)
But anyways, that’s my story.
TL;DR
I got a divorce finally. I’m happy instead of sad because it was a manipulative, abusive relationship and I am GLAD I got out. Also, I ended up humiliating him in a tiny way.
