R2 SE 4: Reporting For Duty
The rain had finally begun to let up, the winds that only an hour before bore it like thousands of tiny weapons dying down to the occasional weak gust. Old vampire hunter Tex and his undead partner Jiang Shi stopped in front of the "International Fraternity of Peace Enforcers, Office of Regional Operations : Prague, Czech Republic", as the sign out front proclaimed. all of the windows on one side of the fifth flor were shattered; Jiang Shi was the first to notice.
"I wonder what happened up there?"
Tex tilted his head back to see what she was talking about, his hat still shielding his eyes from the rain. After a second of thought about it, he said, "Hmm...I reckon that might be Prewitt's office. Musta had one of his hissy-fits over the destruction in town. Th bridge alone would be costing the IFPE millions, if not billions, an' that's not countin' everythin' else we saw, or haven' seen yet."
Jiang Shi looked a little saddened. "A shame, really...I was looking forward to seeing that bridge. From your descriptions, it was truly a sight."
The old man returned his gaze to the vampire. The yellow on her outfit, while it matched her hair, contrasted with her teal, dead skin. Even with the tournament going on, she looked completely out of place in dark, rainy Prague. The small umbrella he'd bought for her earlier, a lime-green thing with small purple and orange polkadots that she had picked out for its 'cuteness', completed the picture. Still, as ridiculous as she looked, the disappointment on her face was sincere.
"...Tell ya what. We'll give 'em a few years ta fix everythin', and then I'll bring ya back ta see it then."
She brightened significantly; if Tex didn't know any better, he could almost say she began to glow. "You would do such a thing for me?"
"Why the hell wouldn' I?"
Jiang Shi seemed like she was about to answer when they heard a car screech to a halt behind them. The pair wheeled around, Tex's hand on his gun and his muscles tensed for a fight, and Jiang Shi with her free arm extended with claws at the ready.
The back door of a black sedan opened, and a child in a uniform somehow reminiscent of both the Tokyo Police and the Nazis leaped out. "Aahhh~, fresh air!"
The other back door opened, and a man in a gray trenchcoat rushed to the child's side with an unmbrella. "Germaine, at least try to stay try..."
Once they realized who the newcomers were, they relaxed...But only a little. The vampire hunter kept his hand on his gun, but more out of a show or wariness than any willingness to use it, and the vampire covered her hand but did not retract the black nails. Tex said, "So, Prewitt called in the 'Demon Doll of Berlin', huh?"
It was as if Germaine just realized that she and Claud were not alone on the curbing. "Hmm? Well, Well, if it isn't Old Man Hypocrite himself." When she saw Tex's finger twitch at the name, she giggled. "Aww, still touchy about it? Is His Smelliness still calling you an embarrassment to the Church?"
Claud, sensing the dangerous vibes coming from the vampire hunter, stepped between him and the little girl in an attempt to defuse the situation. "Please excuse her sharp tongue, honorable hunter. She get's rather nasty vhen she makes long trips, especially vhen she's forced into a car."
Tex scoffed. "Ya don't think I'd let the words of some soul-suckin', bottom feedin', cowardly little brat get ta me, do ya?"
Germain snarled, baring her teeth, then spat out in a voice that shouldn't have fit into her body, "Vietus sursum, assus sicco, penuriosus indulgeo parumper vir!!! Animus talis ut vestri, repletus per simulator quod ego contemno, licentia turpis sapor in meus os...tamen Volo permitto ut si is opes terminus vestrum!!!"
[[author's note: translation, or what it was meant to say at any rate, will be in the comment]]
Jiang Shi joined Claud in getting between the two. "There is no need for violence...We are all on the same side. Please let us get out of this weather and let our tempers cool."
Claud, after casting a look of utter gratitude the woman's way, nodded in agreement. "Yes, let's go inside and see vhat the High Slayer vants vith us."
Seconds ticked by as the vampire hunter and the demon girl stood off, neither willing to be the first to look away. In the end, it was Tex that turned and, without a word, entered the building. Jiang shi followed him after muttering an apology to Claud. The other two stood in silence for a moment or two. Germaine spoke first...If 'speaking' is what one could call the stream of curses, intoned in a mixture of Latin and various forms of Demonic, that flew from her lips.
"Ooooohhhh, that bastard pisses me off!!!" she fumed in English in-between her curses.
"To be fair, Germaine, you vere the vone that provoked him..."
"I just stated the obvious! What kind of vampire hunter keeps one around as a pet?! Ugh, and he had the nerve to call me a bottom-feeder!"
Claud sighed in defeat; when she got like this, the little girl in her took over, and there was no reasoning with her. Best to just move on to another subject. "Come, let's get out of this rain."
---
The lobby was mostly devoid of life, the exceptions being those who just entered it and the busty brunette at the front desk. Tex was speaking with this woman while Jiang Shi battled with (and eventually won against) her umbrella to get it into the little storage bag it came with.
"Did he, now? Is he conscious yet?" the old man was asking.
"I'm jot sure...Hansel had to call in back-up, and they gave him a pretty good beating. I could call up there and ask, if you wish."
"Nah, just point me to the elevators, missy."
She pointed down a nearby hallway. "They're at the end of the hall there. The fifth floor is the one you want. I warn you, though...They're notoriously slow."
The hunter nodded his thanks to the woman and strode down the indicated hall, Jiang Shi acting, essentially, as his shadow.
Before Claud could stop her, Germaine skipped off after the pair. Again, Claud sighed and raced to catch up with her.
At the end of the hall, the four of them waited for the elevators. The receptionist hadn't been exaggerating. As they stood in silence, a few curious civilian employees were poking their heads out of their offices to stare at the odd group. Most of these stares were directed at them vampire. Jiang Shi shifted uncomfortably, feeling the many eyes on her.
Tex turned to the office workers and barked, "If any of ya'll got a problem with 'er, take it up with me. Otherwise, get your sorry asses back to what you're gettin' paid for."
The civilians obeyed, ducking back into their rooms and closing the doors. Finally, the elevators dinged, and two of them opened. Germaine was about to go into the same one as the old hunter and his partner, but Claud gently guided her into the other one, whispering, "Let us try to avoid any unnecessary disputes."
When the doors closed, the two pairs could feel the machinery rumble to life, but none of them could have sworn that the box was moving.
"Um...Mister Tex..." Jiang Shi began. "I realize that this is not exactly the appropriate time or place to ask such a question, but..."
"Just ask it anyway."
"...Why have you not destroyed me yet?"
The hunter stiffened a little. "...I thought we'd been over this already."
"We have. You have never given me a straight answer. You hate all vampires, but you call me your friend. You are the best in the world at slaying them, and yet you allow me to work at your side. You argue that all undead are monsters and deserve no kindness, but you are very kind to me. Why?"
Tex was silent for a moment, and his head was bowed. He did not raise his head when he spoke, and the rough edge that usually characterized his voice was missing. "...The word of God comes from places besides the Overseer's lips, Jiang Shi. When He speaks, I listen. I follow His orders, an' His alone, even if His words an' directives contradict those of the Church."
Jiang shi waited for him to continue, but he offered nothing further. She narrowed her eyes a little. "That was not a straight answer!"
When he looked up, there was a slightly playful glint in his eye. "It was as straight as you're gettin' from me," he said, the edge back in his words. "You want it any straighter, you're gonna have to straighten it yourself."
She uttered a half-growl, half-sigh of frustration, at which he chuckled.
Meanwhile, on the other elevator, Germaine was talking up a storm, musing about the reason they were called here.
"I mean, isn't it kind of odd that he called US, of all people? Where are the Upper Slayers of the Czech Republic, that strange pair of elementalists? And what about the Slovakian and the Polish Upper Slayers? And for that matter, where are those moronic soulswords from Austria?"
"Perhaps they have prior assignments, Germaine." After a moment of consideration, Claud decided that it might be a good idea to stroke her ego a little. She was always in a better mood when she was being praised, and if she was in a good mood, she caused fewer problems. "Or, perhaps Prewitt didn't bother vith them because he knows that ve are the best, and he vants nothing less."
She flashed a toothy grin at that. "I guess that makes sense...Why have those imbeciles flop around like fishes on land when he can just call us and get whatever it is over with? ...But that still leaves why he needs us at all. Can he not handle this assignment alone?"
"Ve'll just have to ask him then, von't ve?"
"IF this stupid machine ever gets us there, I will. Couldn't we have just taken the stairs? We would have gotten there so much faster...And beat that Church flunkie there, too."
As he had done many times before, Claud tuned her out while she ranted and whined. The elevator thankfully dinged not long after, and the doors slid open to reveal their destination.
Both pairs stepped off the machines at the same time. Claud and Jiang Shi instinctively moved between the old man and the little girl as they walked down the hall toward the only open door.
When they were close enough, they could pick up the conversation going on inside.
"Here, bossman," said Hansel, quieter than his usual self. "Tea. Always helps my headaches."
"Thank you." Prewitt sounded tired, weak. "Sorry for--"
"Don't. I'd be pissed off, too. I'm surprised ya didn't blow your top any sooner."
"...The private?"
"They're workin' on 'im. We'll know when they know."
The four of them reached the doorway. Prewitt's office, or what was left of it, was in utter disarray. Cold, rain-soaked wind came in through the many windows, none of which were intact, and soaked the turned-over chairs, unside-down desks, and scattered paperwork. A small portion had been fixed up in the back of the room; a table with a microwave and a box of (caffeine-free) tea bags, next to an undamaged sink. Two chairs had been set upright, and Prewitt and Hansel occupied them.
Prewitt looked rather worse for the wear, paler than usual and bruised. His partner had again removed his helmet (which was now under his chair), revealing short, greasy black hair and lime-colored eyes. The psychic sat up straight, looking down at the ceramic coffee-mug of tea he nestled in his hands, while the brawling contortionist slouched lazily, watching his superior. Any uninformed onlooker would never have guessed that these two were the deadliest, most cooperative team in the whole organization that was the IFPE.
Tex, ever the gentleman, knocked on the door frame thrice. Prewitt and Hansel looked toward the newcomers.
"Sorry if we're interruptin' anythin'--" began the old man.
But Germaine said, "So, what'd ya call us here for, blondie?"
Claud looked toward the sky, the age-old gesture that said 'Lord, give me strength...', then tried to repair the damage. "Forgive her for being so rude, High Slayer. She is just in a foul mood this evening."
"We all are, it seems. Must be this dreadful rain. But no matter. Come in, all of you...I'm sure there are a few chairs that are in decent shape." Prewitt had stood up, but his knees wobbled slightly. Hansel jumped up at this, but Prewitt just shook his head and returned to his seat. After a moment, Hansel too sat back down.
Once the four of them were seated, Prewitt spoke again. "Germaine, Claud. I apologize for summoning the two of you here on such short notice...Originally, I was going to ask you to assist me with keeping the underlings in line. Too few Upper Slayers to watch over them means they're getting sloppy and lazy. However, the situation has changed."
Claud nodded. "Ve saw the building in Old Town Square and the Charles Bridge. The vork of our old friend Ileina, I presume?"
"Who else?" Hansel said. "The bitch is costin' us a whole hellova lot of money. She even had the balls to not only steal the prize money, but PUT IT BACK. I'd be out there huntin' her down myself, but I can't leave bossman alone, y'know?"
Claud cast a glace at Prewitt as the psychic sipped his tea. "All things considered, High Slayer, you're taking this news very well."
"After I have my...outbursts, if you will, I become emotionally numb for a while." He sighed and put the empty mug on the table next to the teabags. "Try telling me about her giving back the money and keeping the lock-box tomorrow, and see how well I take it."
Germaine grinned. "Lemme guess--Our new mission is to track down and kill this vamp lady of yours?"
"Track down, yes. Kill, no. I want her alive, or as alive as a vampire can be."
Now Tex spoke up, "Which brings us to me and Jiang Shi. His Holiness sent us 'ere ta help keep the tournament in order."
Hansel rolled his eyes. "How charitable of him. Nice ta know he has faith in us...No pun intended there."
"That ain't the half of yer problems. On the train in, Jiang Shi and I had a run-in with another mutual friend of ours. Grey's a nuisance by her lonesome, but when she's with her master..."
Prewitt arched his eyebrows. "Oh? Vladimir Baptiste has resurfaced as well? Good. I owe him for all those Slayers he killed the last time we met."
Tex nodded slowly. "I figured ya did. We tried ta take care of 'im before we got ta town, but the slimy bastard slipped away from us at the station."
Finally Jiang Shi spoke, "High Slayer, sir, if we should find the pair, we have certain orders..."
"I'm aware that the Overseer has ordered you both to destroy Ileina on sight. However, I propose a compromise...Baptiste has caused the Church far more problems than his Dark Child over the years. I do not intend to keep Ileina around forever...Just long enough to probe her mind. She's the leader of a large nonhuman rebellion; she surely knows valuable secrets that could lead us to crushing them once and for all."
"I see your point," Jiang Shi said, "but I do not see what the compromise is."
"Simple. You guys get the master, we get the servant. They're both gonna end up destroyed anyhow, so I don't see the harm in lettin' us borrow Grey for a bit before ya kill her." Hansel popped his neck and back as soon as he finished speaking.
No one spoke for a moment as Tex thought. Germaine, ever the trouble-maker, decided to goad him a little. "Oh come now, it's not like you're reputation's on the line. You're not one to follow Church directives anyway."
Both Claud and Jiang Shi closed their eyes and pinched the bridges of their noses, almost in perfect sync. Blessedly, there was no drama this time. Tex merely said, "...Fine. If we find 'em, we kill the master and capture the servant. We'll expect ya'll ta do the same if you're the ones ta find 'em."
Germaine giggled. "Ooo, I have an idea! Let's make it a game!"
"Germaine, please--" Claud began.
"It's alright, Claud. I'll humor the little demon a bit," Tex assured. "What kinda game?"
"Something like this--whoever brings Ileina Gray to the High Slayer is the one who gets the credit, and gets to wave it in the other's face. It's enough to make or break either of us, rep-wise. After all, if you lose to a little girl, how seriously can His Smelliness take you? Or, if I lose to an old man, how seriously can the rest of the Slayers take me?"
"...You're on."
"Um, Mister Tex, do you not think we should discuss this further, think it over a little?"
"Nah. The little witch wants to play, so we'll play. Besides...I work better knowin' I've got competition."
"As does she, I'm afraid," Claud warned.
At that moment, there came a knock on the door frame. The group of six all looked toward the door to see the brunette from downstairs.
"High Slayer, sir, forgive me for intruding...I tried to call up here, but..."
"Hmm? Oh, the phone must be unhooked...Is there a problem?"
"We just got a call from one of the outposts in New Town. They've been attacked."
"We're in hostile territory. Of course they got attacked," Hansel pointed out.
"There were only two casualties, an officer and a grunt. Both their necks were snapped."
"Did their security catch anything?" Prewitt asked. He seemed intrigued.
"Only a glimpse...They're saying it was a human woman with long, blond hair."
"A woman? A human woman truly took a Slayer Officer by surprise and snapped his neck? ...Did they email the footage here yet?"
"That's what I was trying to call up here and tell you about. It should be in your inbox now, sir." With that, she turned and left.
Prewitt and Hansel immediately began looking for a computer and monitor that weren't destroyed and a table to set them upon. After a moment of work, the pair had righted Hansel's desk, as it was the one in the best condition, and put his keyboard and monitor back onto it. Surprisingly, the computer still came on without any hitches, and within a minute, Prewitt was logging into his email and checking his inbox.
The others gathered around, curious as to what the security footage would reveal. Prewitt loaded up the video and hit 'play'.
It showed a scene typical of an IFPE city outpost--an officer chewing out what looked like a new recruit as they stood guard outside. Out of nowhere, what appeared to be a busty blond human woman came from behind the officer, grabbed his head on either side, and roughly snapped his neck. The grunt panicked and went for his radio, but she was too quick; within seconds he, too, lay in a crumpled heap on the ground. The blond looked around, making sure there were no witnesses, and then began to undress the two men she had just murdered, stuffing their clothes and weapons into her large purse. Here Prewitt paused the video.
"...That's no woman," he said.
"You saw it too, bossman? Where her--er, his--wig slipped a little?"
"Yes, I did. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Hansel?"
"That we finally got this sonovabitch on video? Yep."
Jiang Shi seemed perplexed. "You two know who did this?"
Hansel and Prewitt looked at her.
"Wait, are you sayin' the Church didn't warn ya about this guy?" Hansel asked.
Tex and Jiang Shi shook their heads. "Naw, can't say I've heard anythin' about any crossdressin', neck-snappin' psychopaths lately."
Germaine suddenly said, "Hold on, this can't be--What's he doing in Prague?"
"Stirring up trouble, no doubt. We'd heard rumors that he was here, but now we have some kind of proof."
Claud's expression darkened. "But...Vhat on Earth could John Q Doe vant vith two sets of Slayers uniforms?"
"Nothin' good," Hansel said. "He's an assassin of the highest caliber, a master of disguise, and prob'ly knows three million ways ta kill a man with a pack of Raman noodles. My guess is, he's here ta do what he does best: kill somebody."
"And with those uniforms, he likely plans to place the blame squarely on the IFPE."
Jiang Shi looked down. "Things are chaotic enough as they are. Prague does not need someone like him running around."
"Don't ya think we've tried to catch or kill 'im before? It's not as easy as ya think it would be, Jiang Shi," Hansel pointed out. "And now that he looks like one of us..."
Prewitt closed his eyes in thought. "Perhaps...We let things fold out. We let him do what he plans on doing. But, we'll be ready when he does. We already need to up security all over the city anyway, what with the contestants running amok and blowing things up. We should place two IFPE soldiers on each participant of the tournament, and scatter several thousand more around the city. We'll have the locations and times set, to hopefully stem the tide of this tournament's insanity. That way, we can watch both the monsters and our own men at the same time. The instant any of them act suspiciously, we can move to neutralize them quickly."
Hansel scratched the back of his head. "Sounds great...Except, ya know, that the men are gonna rebel. They're gonna hate us for makin' 'em follow monsters around, or guard Granny Annie's Tea Shop or whatever."
"Exactly. If they don't complain, that will be a red flag for us."
"...Bossman, did I ever tell you that I love the way your mind works sometimes?"
"I think you did, once. Right before I threw you through a window."
"Point taken."
Prewitt smiled a little, then said, "Tex, Jiang Shi, Germaine, Claud. Hansel and I are about to contact the other judges about this. You all have your mission, and you'll have to forgive me for not showing you the way out. If you need accommodations, tell Isabel--that would be the lovely lady who was here a moment ago--that I said to get you all some rooms."
Far away, thunder rumbled. The storm in the sky was moving on. But it was not over, not by a long shot. The rain would end, yes...But things were just getting started.
