Spider-Man 3, the end to the first trilogy of Spider-Man. Every nail biting moment comes down to this... THE ULTIMATE FLOP. I'm not talking in box office success, it was a fairly huge success in that aspect. I'm talking delivery. I don't know if I've expressed my utter HATE for this movie in my other Spider-Man reviews but I sure as hell hate this movie. And my major problem with it is that you never know who the villain is! You have no freaking clue! I'm going to give you a little insight into it.
Villain Scene, take one! Harry Osborne has just figured out that Spider-Man is indeed his best friend Peter Parker and he dones his fathers old Green Goblin gear (with some modifications) to take him out. An epic battle starts off the movie and we're loving it... ... then Harry Osborne falls to the ground, gets amnesia, and Peter is no longer the enemy. Hokay.
Villain Scene, take two! We see the Sandman escaping from jail and we're assuming this has some major importance! He's trying to escape the police chasing him so he dives into the... testing area of some science experiment... okay, not the best idea. So, the scientists are apparently working in the middle of the night and we see him become the Sandman... ... ... then he floats away into the wind. HOKAY, NOT YOU EITHER BUDDY.
Villain Scene, take three! Now we've got the black suit, where the villain is Peter Parker's vengeance. And the suit sticks around for about half the movie so we've finally found our villain!
OH WAIT. HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S SANDMAN! And the whiny guy that played Eric in That 70's Show and isn't really known for much else... more on him later. He's just being a more attractive version of Peter Parker with a hotter girlfriend. I DIGRESS.
Villain Scene, take four! ... too late, Sandman's gone again.
VILLAIN SCENE, TAKE FUCKING FIVE. WE'VE GOT THE SUIT AGAIN, PETER PARKER IS TURNING INTO A DOUCHE AND HARRY IS STEALING HIS GIRL.
OH WAIT, ANNOYING WEIRD PETER PARKER 2.0 I TRYING TO FRAME SPIDER-MAN AND IS TRYING TO TURN HIM INTO A VILLAIN. AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THE BLACK SUIT JUMPS OFF OF PETER AND JUMPS ONTO PETER 2.0!
VILLAIN SCENE, TAKE SIX. Somewhere along the way Harry regained his memory BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE IT'S THE FINAL EPIC BATTLE AND, BIG SHOCK, MARY-JANE IS IN DIRE STRAITS. PETER 2.0, AKA: VENOM, HAS TEAMED UP WITH SANDMAN AND HARRY GOBLIN IS JOINING THE FIGHT TO SHIT FACE SPIDER-MAN. Harry sees his humanity and teams up with Spider-Man, Peter Parker 2.0 blows up and the third villain of the Spider-Man franchise is dead.
Other than these issues, Mary-Jane is dumber than ever, the girl next door is creepy, Peter really shouldn't dance, and Gwen Stacey is a dumb ass. Need I say more? NOPE. I'M DONE WITH THIS MOVIE, I WASH MY HANDS OF THIS. DON'T WATCH IT, THE FIRST IS GOOD, THE SECOND IS OKAY, THE THIRD... LET'S JUST SAY THE SHIT GOD HIT THE PLANE PROPELLER. Don't watch this, I give it a 3//10. There is some... uh... comedy...? I DON'T KNOW. Stick around for another random review! Whatever I say goes! Actually, I think I'll do something Miyazaki... Miyasaki? ... soon. Don't be afraid to request! I love your WORDS.
xoxo, Momma Love
