Let me just make this perfectly clear, I don't like the Twilight series. I like my creatures of the night to be vicious and bloody and violent. Not this mamby pamby sparkle shit. And I hate CGI Werewolves. It's okay to CGI parts of them, but the best werewolves are done in costumes and make-up. Just saying.
One of the biggest franchises ever born, less than a decade old and already nearly every tween girls in their helping bras are stumbling over each other to get a view of Robert Pattinson sparkling like a fairy or to see Taylor Lautner rip off those clothes. I have to commend the size and the success this series has accumulated, but it sets a new low for vampire flicks. I'm seeing more sexy teenager versions of occult/horror monsters who just want to be human, as opposed to the Van Hellsing, Underworld, and Wolfman approach to things where these creatures just want blood. I digress. Onto the actual review.
In terms of substance, Twilight has always been a little bit lacking. Kristen Stewart is supposed to be an all around tolerating friend, the one who "tolerates" their friends, but what I think is supposed to be a witty/sarcastic human in a monsters world comes off as an indifferent souless succubus who just wants everyone to care about her. The emotional scenes are always frantic and spastic instead of saddening and meaningful, the comedy is subtle and not all that great, and the romance is confusing. There is supposed to be a conflict in feelings between Bella/Edward to Bella/Jacob when all I really see is a clear love for the vampire boy and then forced intimacy with Jacob in Eclipse. Don't get me wrong, I love the concept of her choosing Jacob, he's actually a deep character who cares for her and probably has for years. And those of you who are complaining about RENESMEE and shit, how he couldn't imprint on Renesmeee (fuck spelling of her name, btw) if Bella didn't go with Edward. Who cares, I don't. Scrap Breaking Dawn all together, it wasn't even supposed to be made.
All in all, the movies do get better in quality as more get released, but if you're expecting wicked action fights (which is what I was for the Eclipse fight. Can't wait to see them butcher the Breaking Dawn fight), logical romance, or anything that makes any sense, don't come here. You'll be tearing your hair out in confusion and throwing your fattening snack of choice everywhere. This movie is not for the light of heart. It will drive you insane and make you sick to your stomach.
This movie review is extremely subjective.
Scare Rating: 10/10. It's terrifying how popular these movies are. The books, I understand. The movies. gtfo universe.
xoxo, Your Bewitching Momma
