------------------------------------------------A Bit O Wisdom.----------------------------------------------
Free, what’s the definition of that? Many that I’ve met will say “at least we’re free”. You may be but I’m not. Oh, how I wish I could be free, without all this weight on my shoulders. This weight that’s not mine, weight because I’m smart and aware. Not to put others down, but sometimes I wish I could be like them, free and simple. With no worries but for school and worry whether or not their parents would let them throw a party.
And now, as I watch them playing and mingling, and laughing. It seems its been a long time since I last laughed. Truly laughed, for pure joy not for unbeknownst flirting or being polite. Since I’ve last danced for the joy of it and didn’t care if anybody saw, and I would laugh at the sky. Now even my own voice seems cold and unnatural to my ears, fake. For I can hear myself in my head, my true self that I’m still finding. Attempting to unlock my own secrets of the past out of mine soul. Sweet, they say, sweet and innocent sounding. that’s how they describe my voice, but I know the truth is far from it. I can feel it, a dark
fog-ish cloud behind me. In the back of my mind, held back by an invisible wall with me on one side and it on the other. It lures me with promise, but I withdraw at the single harsh note behind its voice. A voice that is mine, and yet not. Its darker, harsh, and it has a dark note reverberating through it. It waits for me to let my guard down from anger or any other time. It gets out far too often for my liking.
This is part of the weight I feel, but another part I feel feels like years. Far more years than I have seen and far more than I ever shall. I feel pain for the earth deep at the edge of my ribcage. I feel global warming, deforestation, and the weight of humanity, of what its done and will do. I feel this on my shoulders, and it scares me. Its about the only thing that truly frightens me.
I don’t fear death, I’m curious about it. I feel like I’m just in here but I don’t belong in here. I feel like I’m in a shell. I feel like I don’t even belong in this time, I feel like I belong in times gone past when most people still believed in magic. Even if it was dangerous to be Wiccan.
Others feel the dark too. I can see it in their eyes and the way they act. A teacher even noticed and asked me if I was getting enough sleep. Its hard not to mentally tired from something like that. They can feel it but they don’t know what it is so they fear and avoid it and me because it follows me. This causes them to say things like, “If that hits you than she’ll kill you,” or, “That’s the friend of the freak, the Goth one over there.” It causes them to believe I’m a Goth when I’m not. It also causes them to fear me.
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I’ve spent so long taking a back seat in a lot of things that I act and even think differently than others. I can look at the sky and tell them if its going to rain. I can nurture a near-dead seedling back to life. I am the one who rescues lizards from trashcans and keeps dried plants in my room. I am the one who will give out predictions with a pendulum and befriends those with no friends. I am the one who feels more at home with books, animals, and plants than with people, and I am the one who is pretty and who will admit to someone being attractive but doesn’t feel any want towards them. I am the odd one out that everyone avoids, but that’s okay, it gives me more of a chance to watch and think.
Some of my favorite sayings
Smile, it makes people wonder what your up to.
Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them enough not to.
Don’t follow in my footsteps, I run into walls.
Be the change you wish to see in the world -Gandhi
Having an out-of-body experience, back in 10 min.
Stay in the moment, Bleep its gone.
Its your hell, you burn in it.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Don’t get mad, Get even.
The bitterest tears shed are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
I cry for the time you were almost mine, I cry for the memories I’ve left behind, I cry for the pain, the lost, the old, the new, I cry for the times I thought I had you.
Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you cant always see the pain someone feels.
The truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil.
Do not assume that he who seeks to comfort you now lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. His life may have as much sadness and difficulty that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise he would not have been able to find those words.
The More you overcome the stronger you get, the stronger you get the more you can overcome.
There’s no such thing as stupid questions, just stupid people.
Live in today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Guns don’t kill people, drivers with cell phones do.
