It happened all so fast…
Sharp, piercing pain
I can’t believe I started in the past
Feels like the stinging of rain.
Two years ago, that’s it
That’s when it started
I don’t know why I started it
But I know it wasn’t good.
It was April
Bad grades, tests failed
Losing friends, grandmother’s ill
And midterms being mailed.
I went to lunch, but didn’t eat
Just talked with friends
Laughed a little, but my eyes wouldn’t meet
Just sat there, talking with friends.
Finally lunch ended in strife
I got up, but hid something
It was a knife, yes that knife
And I knew what it would bring.
Home at last, I sit in my room
Blinds closed, door locked
Crying, crying with doom
Everything seemed so blocked.
I pulled the knife from my purse
Thinking of how much pain I’ve been
I began to curse
And lowered it to my skin.
The blade touched my waiting arm
I had never done this before
Didn’t know how much harm
So I wasn’t 100% sure.
As it slid across my skin
I felt the teeth sink in
Cutting, cutting, cutting away
Tearing the skin on my arm.
After I was done, I felt good
Relieved of everything
All the stress in my mind
Gone, just one swipe of the knife.
I continued
But then I stopped
Everything was alright
Until one year later.
It happened after my boyfriend broke up with me
I felt helpless
It didn’t happen right away
But it happened.
I was in the girls’ bathroom
I felt like crap
No knife, nothing sharp
Only paper, pens, and my nails
I dug my nail into my skin
Once again I felt that good feeling
Like you’ve made a victory
Only, in the form of pain.
After that I stopped again
Everything alright
But now it’s coming again
That same bad feeling.
Now I have dozens of cuts
All down my left arm
They will turn to scars
And I’ll be haunted by them forever.
