A knock on the door disturbed my hazy stupor, and as I heaved myself into a sitting position the door opened to reveal Rosalie. She hovered in the doorway until I smiled, and then she glided noiselessly over to the bed. “First of all, I need to apologise,” she said quietly, once she had sat down. “I wasn’t intending to, but I heard what Edward said to you. And that means I heard your response, too. What are you going to do, if you don’t mind my asking?” I shrugged. “I…haven’t got a clue. It’s all a little overwhelming at the moment. Obviously I’m very grateful to Edward for doing so much research and for giving me the opportunity and all that, but…I mean…well, if I don’t remember my old life then what is there to send me back?” Rosalie thought about this for a moment while I kneaded my forehead uncomfortably. “Don’t you want to know who you are, though?” she asked nervously, as though she were anxious that she would upset me.
“Well, I don’t know…what if I was miserable when I was a human?” I sighed, hunching my shoulders. “But it’s more than that…if I was miserable, then nobody would miss me, right? Except if I was happy, then…well then, maybe my disappearance would have upset someone. I think that if nobody was upset that I was gone, I would hate it, but it would be alright because I have you guys now. But if someone was missing me, if somebody was upset that I had gone, what would I then do? I could hardly talk to them or be around them or whatever, but it would be so much harder to leave someone who loved the person I used to be.” I was aware that my words were getting faster and faster until they blurred into an incomprehensible mess that made little sense, but I couldn’t stop it. I was shaking uncontrollably as Rosalie gave a soft sigh and pulled me into a hug. “You’re going though, aren’t you?” she asked. Despite her inability to know my thoughts, I agreed with her. She was right; there was no way that I couldn’t not go now.
“I’ll come with you,” Edward insisted when I told him my decision. I shook my head, but he wouldn’t let me disagree. “Really, I think I ought to come with you.” I wondered briefly if he knew something I didn’t, but then it was put out of mind by an onslaught of questions. “When are you going? When are you coming back? Are you coming back?” Esme asked quickly. My eyes widened as I separated her words so that I could answer her. “I don’t know when I’m going or coming back, but I will definitely come back. I promise.” Carlisle’s eyes searched me unfathomably before he pulled Esme backwards. “You should go as soon as possible, to get it done,” he said in a low voice. Edward nodded. “I agree; we should leave now.”
I jumped. “Now?” Edward nodded again. “Yes, now. Pack a bag and we can go.” Panicking, I looked over at Alice for some help. She was busily searching the future again, but came back with a murmur of agreement. “Yes, you’re leaving in ten minutes. I’ll go and sort out your bags; you have no idea when it comes to clothes.” I watched in disbelief as she positively flew up the stairs. She was back in exactly nine minutes and pressed a bag into my arms. Esme gave me another tight hug and kissed my cheek maternally. After a hug from each of the others I was practically forced out of the door by Edward and he didn’t stop dragging me until we reached the freeway.
“You look shell shocked,” he observed. A stray sarcastic comment passed through my mind, and I could tell from his chuckle that he had picked up on it. “Yes, okay, I know I rushed you a little but I knew that if we stayed then you would change your mind. Come on, let’s get going again.” I shrugged. “I don’t know where to go; you lead, I’ll follow.” It was effortless to follow Edward, even as we ran at almost light speed. Everything we passed was in perfect focus despite the impossible pace of our feet. We ran for five hours and through countless states before finally slowing.
