I jumped out of bed and dressed at high speed, before tugging my straighteners through my crazy hair and cleaning my teeth quickly. The final touch was a thick layer of eyeliner, and then I ran downstairs for breakfast. Steven was already sat, picking at a piece of toast, and I joined him, seeing that he had already poured me a small bowl of cereal. Thanking him, I had a few small spoonfuls before putting my spoon down. “Come on Charlotte, eat some more!” Dad moaned as he breezed in to make a cup of tea. “I’m not hungry.” I shrugged. “Ah, that’s not good enough.” I stood up. “Well you’re not good enough, but you don’t hear me complaining!” Steven dropped his toast and stood up next to me. “Charlotte, calm down, okay?” His voice was slow and calming, and I nodded, sighing.
Steven led me out of the kitchen and upstairs, into my room. I shoved the door closed roughly. “How can he talk to me like that? He doesn’t even know me!” I raved. “I know,” Steven said evenly, and I finally relaxed. “…Sometimes it feels like he isn’t my dad. In fact, sometimes…sometimes I hope he isn’t.” Steven laughed and whispered, “Me too.” Steven was always relaxed and…almost lazy. He was the peacekeeper in the family, whereas I was more easily angered. And that was putting it mildly. What’s more, when I was angry, I was really angry. My temper was very…hot. I knew it even scared Steven sometimes. I should really work at calming it down, learn from my brother’s example, but…I couldn’t. Maybe I just didn’t want to.
I didn’t like being the mediator in the family, but Dad was simply too cruel in some situations, especially seeing as he had no idea what Charlotte went through every day. I had an inkling, I’d been beaten up not long ago for being quiet when being insulted, and though Charlotte wasn’t physically hurt, she never really emotionally ‘fit in’ with those around her. We’d spend breaktimes and lunchtimes together, and though we both got laughed at for it, we were more like twins than brother and sister. She was nine months younger than me, and normally I’d be disgusted (with Mum) for that, but seeing as we were the only two children in the family, it brought us somewhat closer.
I whispered to Charlotte, “Dad’s starting to get ready. Get your money and keys, and your phone, and let’s go. I’m ready.” Charlotte nodded and ran upstairs, grabbing her stuff, and I shouted to Mum as we left. “Mum, Charlotte and I are heading out to town for a bit, watching a horror with our friends. Be back later!” Charlotte looked at me proudly. “That was good!” I grinned. “Oh come on, Charlotte. It’s me. Of course it’s good!” I laughed, and we ran for the train station.
We’d have to catch the train instead of the bus if we were going to be there ahead of Dad. The train pulled into the station just as we arrived, and I thanked the Almighty Powers That Be that we were able to get on. I paid for our tickets (I’m older, and had more money) and we sat down on the crowded train. The fifteen minutes passed slowly and silently, neither of us speaking, as if our talking would alert Dad to our presence. The train shunted into the shopping centre station and we pushed our way off and into the shopping centre itself. “We have fifteen minutes. I suggest we go to the food court, spy out the Al Bhed man, and find our stake-out point.” Charlotte nodded, and we headed off. With ten minutes to spare, we found the Al Bhed man sitting on a table near the side (“Fool,” said Charlotte) and found a nearby pillar to stand behind. As people walked by, a few looked at us weirdly, so I simply stood in front of Charlotte and pretended to hug her to avoid attention. Come on, I was taller than her by far, and my hair was Midnight Blue compared to her Flaming Red. No-one would have guessed we were family. As I hugged her for the fifth time, Charlotte whispered in my ear. “He’s here.”
I broke away from Steven to creep closer, and I could feel that he was close behind. I sat down – on the floor – and leaned against the railing, tugging my black trilby hat on to disguise my hair. Steven sat just next to me; and I focused so I could hear Dad and the Al Bhed talking behind us. “Look, don’t threaten me! I have a wife, and two kids at home, and-” This was Dad speaking, but the Al Bhed man cut him off. “A wife who doesn’t love you and two kids who aren’t even yours? You’re right; it would be a shame to leave them alone. Except if I were to slit your throat right now, you would deserve it. You were supposed to work for us! If you were doing your job, then Home wouldn’t have been destroyed. You cost us thousands of innocent lives, our only place to live, and the only symbol of hope that the Al Bhed had in their lives! You make me sick,” the Al Bhed spat, and I heard his chair drag backwards, before the man strode away. Dad soon followed suit, muttering to himself.
I turned to Steven, a vicious smile playing over my face. But he looked tortured. “What?” I asked, “Didn’t you say just last night that you wished he wasn’t our dad? Oh, I am so glad! This is why we are so different; why we don’t get on. And now it’s finally acceptable for me to hate him!” I jumped to my feet ecstatically, dragging Steven up with me. “But,” Steven protested, but I shook my head, still grinning. “This is great,” I said simply, pulling him towards the shops and humming happily.
Steven still didn’t seem happy, though, so I turned back, wiping my smile away cleanly. “What?” I asked. He chewed over his words visibly, before simply asking, “Don’t you care?” I snorted with laughter. “No, why would I?” Steven was clearly grappling with some important thoughts; fighting to give them form.
I couldn’t understand. Dad… wasn’t Dad? My father figure for all these years was just an ordinary man? Did Mum know this? Surely she would, but then, why did she hide it? And Charlotte’s reaction, she didn’t care in the slightest? I brought my hand up to my face, running it through my hair; fully realising I was ruining my fringe. Charlotte looked down at me, a slight sneer on her face. “What’s wrong? Didn’t you hear? He’s not our dad!” I shook my head, glad I couldn’t cry. “I know. But that doesn’t worry you in the slightest? What about Mum? And what about all these years he’s been with us? And what about the things the Al Bhed man said, that he’d cost thousands of innocent lives? That doesn’t worry you?” Charlotte laughed, slightly cruelly. “Of course not. Now I can finally turn the page and get him out of my life.” I frowned to the floor. This wasn’t right…
I could understand Charlotte not caring, but there were still questions left unanswered. Things I’d have to ask Mum about. And I was worried how she’d deal with my questions…but I had no choice. I needed to know. “Come on, let’s go home. We can tell Mum the film was cancelled.” Charlotte nodded, and we headed back to the train station. The entire wait, and way back home, Charlotte still had that devious smile plastered to her face, and I remained silent. I was thinking too hard…But I couldn’t stop. The Al Bhed man’s voice was so harsh, so hurtful…Did Dad cause this? I needed to know. No matter what it took.
Steven didn’t say anything all the way home. When we got there, I opened the door and skipped in. “Dad? Mum?” I called loudly, while behind me, Steven slouched in, pushing the door shut dejectedly. Mum came padding into the hall from the kitchen, smiling at Steven. “Hello, dear. You’re home early; was the film cancelled?” I was used to being ignored completely by her, but I spoke anyway. “No, but it was totally booked. We’ll go some other time, no biggie. Is Dad home?” Mum shook her head, and I smiled. “Okay. Then I have a couple of questions for you.” Mum’s eyes darted back to the kitchen, but finally Steven spoke, “It’s important.” His voice was low and harsh, and Mum finally agreed.
Steven led us all into the living room and fell onto a sofa. Mum sat next to him, and I sat alone in the armchair, curled up, my knees under my chin. “…We saw Dad in town today,” Steven began slowly. “I thought he was away on business?” Mum nodded. “Sometimes he has lunch meetings in town, but then he has to go further away for the afternoon, so he won’t be home tonight.” Steven nodded, “That’s plausible. But why was he talking to an Al Bhed?” Mum frowned. “Maybe he was just giving him directions?” Her tone was falsely bright, and this more than anything annoyed me into speaking. “You know something, don’t you? You’re covering for him. Well, he wasn’t just giving the Al Bhed directions – as if he’d do that, anyway. He was meeting the Al Bhed for lunch; they discussed his job, and the Al Bhed said it was all Dad’s fault that thousands of people died?”
Mum’s smile faltered a little as I glared at her. “Well, you’d have to ask your dad about that; I wouldn’t know,” she said quietly. “What, so you don’t know what Dad’s job actually is?” I asked sharply. She shook her head, and stood up. “Is this over? I have some washing up to do.” As she began to walk away, Steven grabbed her arm. “No. This isn’t over. We heard something…else. About Dad. Or, rather, not Dad. Not ours, anyway.” His wooden voice showed how upset he was. Mum gasped, and sat back down. “How….did you…find out about…that?” Steven shrugged. “The Al Bhed, he said about it. About how you don’t love him. And how we aren’t even his kids.” Mum stood up once more. “Talk to your dad about it.” With that, she walked away. Steven stayed sitting, breathing heavily. He looked as though he was going to cry – but he wouldn’t. I didn’t remember the last time Steven had cried.
I walked over to Steven and sat beside him, slipping my arm over his shoulders. “…I wish I didn’t care,” he mumbled. I looked at him questioningly. “I wish I didn’t care that Dad isn’t…well, Dad. I mean, you don’t care, and it all seems…easy for you.” I shook my head. “It isn’t easy for me. It isn’t easy at all. I…I haven’t ever fitted in. Ever. Not at school, I haven’t. So when I come home, I want to find a place that feels like…well, like a home. But instead, I come back to a place where I’m an outsider, just the same. And it’s not even like I can just stick to you, because you do fit in here. You get on with Mum in a way that she won’t let me. So, where do I fit in? You know, I just…I want to know that I won’t always be this way; that one day I will fit in. I need to know that it isn’t my fault that I’m such…such an outsider…I’m a stranger in my own house. Can’t you see how painfully lonely that is for me? If only you knew, then you wouldn’t think…you wouldn’t say that it was easy for me.”
Steven looked at me silently as I paused. “So to find out that the man supposed to be my dad, who is supposed to understand me and care about me and love me…that gives me a sick sense of hope. You know? It isn’t my fault that I can’t stand my own dad; it doesn’t make me broken the way I always assumed I was. Because he isn’t my dad. But you know…that isn’t right. Why aren’t I reacting the same way you are? I should be…feeling…something. Regret, or sadness, or just plain confusion. Instead, I…don’t care. And that…that’s inhuman, right? To not care at all to find out that the man you’ve lived with for nearly sixteen years…is nobody to you…that is just…messed up.” I wasn’t crying; I refused to let myself.
I continued, “So…I think that I need to find…our real dad. I think…I need to find a home. But you know that I can’t do it without you. At the moment, I am…I can’t…I can’t stand on my own two feet. I need your support…and if you won’t give it to me…then…” Steven stood up and spoke, “I can’t come with you. My home is here.” I shook my head, but he walked up to his room slowly. Hearing his door click shut, I knocked on the door, but he ignored me. I knocked again and again, but he didn’t acknowledge me. “I thought you said you’d always be by my side – just yesterday!” I called, but he still didn’t answer me. Feelings of hopelessness washed over me, and I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor…alone again.
