~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~
~Welcome to where I spill my heart out~
~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~
~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~
Please enjoy my poems and comment if you wish. All feedback is appreciated and valued.
~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~
Sometimes life throws hard times at us. At those times, we must never forget who we are and what we strive for. Never forget your dreams.
~Razi-chan
I'm so tired when people pretend everything is okay
But I can tell just be reading your words
I can see you changing day by day
You say you're just tired, but your words cut like sharp swords
The words which you think cover up the secret
It's not so much a secret anymore
It never really was, just let me know if you're done yet
I'm tired of crying till my eyes are sore, you now have the high score
I wish if you didn't want me, you'd just say so
Please, if you're just humoring just fucking stop
How much longer will this drag out, how much farther will you go?
I wish you were here with me, I scream and shout till I drop
I'm tired of these lame games
I wish you'd just be real with me
I wish I could just be rid of all these pains
But no matter what, your words just always sting
To you they might be making everything okay
But even in hindsight, you should know, they're not
How I wish you could stay, but I know, there's no way
Because you were never here to begin with, please just make it stop
Why don't you just tell me what's really on your mind
If it's the truth you're afraid of hurting me
I can't possibly hurt anymore, don't worry
Your honesty and truth, I only wish I could find
I'm sick and tired of always being angry
You may not realize, but each day is a roller-coaster
It brings me up and down in misery
If this is going downhill, I wish it would go faster
I just wish all this pain would stop it
If it's really not real, then you can forget it
Because if it turns out you've been lying this whole time
Well I guess after it's over, I'll be just fine
Even though we are not together, but miles apart
I've decided to stop asking questions
Because I believe now, you'll always remain in my heart
Despite all my words and actions, I've loved you from the start
I was just scared, because of all the stories I'd heard
Because of all the lies that could become real
I let these daggers poison my mind, our love they tried to steal
Those doubts were all absurd, but you're seemingly the only one for me in this world
Sometimes I feel like you're the only one who truly understands me
I may not open up to others like I should, but it's you who always sees
Right through the walls that are now crumbling down at my feet
All the questions I asked, you blatantly answered in a heartbeat
Isn't it okay, though, to have questions without answers, you ask?
I'm sure it is, but that doesn't mean I'll forever let go of this mask
But it's not like, I'm wanting to make loving me a task
I'm only trying to protect myself, as well as you, from any unsuspected attacks
Even though we're miles apart,
I've always loved you from the start
I'll stop questioning it and now start accepting
I really don't want to be alone, so all these feelings, I'm finally unmasking
Even if we always remain miles apart, not together
I'll still love you with all my might, for you I'll always fight
No matter the journey, no matter the weather
I'll never let you go, I'll never abandon you, my light
Despite the distance, no matter what, you'll be always be close
To keep this in mind, and you in my heart, I've chose
Because if it comes to be that I can't get with you
I'll always have you in my heart, and I hope to be in yours, too
So it seems I have become a little bitter
Who would have thought that would happen to me?
I always used to think it’d be better
But who knew, this is how it turned out to be
Sometimes I wish others could see
But then again, I may not be this way
By what way, you question? I’ve always fought depression
I’ve kept it my secret but how long could it last?
I try so hard to work for everything I “earn”
But it seems eventually, everything gets taken away
This is something I’ve learned; you shouldn’t really yearn
Because one day, it will all be gone
There are some who don’t have to try as vigorously
Though they say that isn’t true, it surely is to me
Of course, life seems to be harder for some of us
And we’re left asking ourselves, is it really just?
To those of you who are concerned
Don’t be, I’ve always been this way
In life, in one way, we somehow get “burned”
And even if it’s bad, this is how I want to stay
So it seems I have become somewhat bitter
But in the end, who can blame me; this is what I’ve compiled
Seeing what life turns out, it might be worthwhile
You never know what will happen, what will make your heart flutter
As for everything I’ve earned, they seem to get lost
But as I remember what life really costs, all the lives I have crossed
Maybe life doesn’t seem so bad- in the end-we get what we deserve
This is simply what I have observed, surely you must concur?
With everything that's been done, so what if I become alone
It's not like I need all these people around
Even if none of my friends are near, I've learned to know
I've done so much for others, even if it doesn't resound
Even if someone can't see, all I've become
I know I've done things, even if I haven't won
Even if in the long-run, it might not be abundant
But I have helped others, from letting them, too, become undone
Although in the end, it might be my own demise
I’ve avoided all the spies, from showing my true disguise
I’ve never let others see the real me
So they wouldn’t ask what was wrong, wouldn’t see
Maybe it was my own punishment, or my own therapy
Maybe it was to help myself feel better, to hide the real me
I didn’t want it to seem like nothing was right
I didn’t want others to know that I had any plights
So I think now I'll pretend to be more positive, in something negative
There won’t ever be a “good” time, I believe
To reveal all I’ve concealed
It’s too much to bear, too much to conceive
No one will know this truth of which I’ve decided to hide
My dreams, myself, I will now only abide
I will walk with my head held high, my eyes open wide
Even without someone by my side, hey, at least I've tried
I know I’ve come so far
When all this time, I've been so lost, counting on a star
That wasn’t even there, in the sky
Which deceived us all, with its impending lie
Despite everything that’s happened
I know it’s no one else I need to depend
All this sorrow has caused the pain to deepen
But it won’t consume me, my heart will always remain open
You always say you love me, but you don't really tell me
But some feelings, are heard to believe
When it's kept inside a hollow heart
I want to cry, but there are no more tears, only hurt
I want to make you happy, but I can't tell if you want the same
You tell me you do, but you don't really let it show
If I have to point it out myself, I don't want to play this game
Well I guess you really did win, how much further will you let this go?
All this time we've spent talking, hoping, wishing
Was it all just a fantasy, and nothing more, that you thrived on?
I wish it was my bleeding heart you were seeing
Maybe then you could see my pain, that it will never truly be gone
It all seems to have blurred in together
My heart feels broken into tiny pieces
I thought our happiness would last just forever
Despite all these dances, I took all I could, all these chances
To be with you, because with you I was for once, happy
You taught me happiness was real, but now I only see it as a veil
That covers up the truth, I wanted to see so badly
I only loved you blindly, and let myself get lost on the trail
Even if you say you'll try, all I can do is want to cry
It's you falling away that will tear us apart
If only from the beginning, I'd seen your hollow heart
All the shallow remarks, these feelings I now despise
I might say, I've accepted being alone
At the end of the day, all I want is someone to tell me "I love you," too
But it's everything but that, you've said and shown
I've prayed desperately for a sign, but I just don't know what to do
Of course it was stupid, of course I ended up hurt
I guess it's what I deserve, for trusting again
If I was more alert, maybe my feelings, I wouldn't have to exert
All my hopes and dreams now drained, who could have imagined you would cause all this pain
