*
Left, right, left, right. My pounding steps echoes inside the narrow, pipe filled hallway. My chest burned, my body ached. My vision was blurred by unequivocal fear. Within this decrepit, red stained maze, beyond the shadows, beyond the cats, there was something. Someone moving steadily, coming ever so close. No matter how loud I cried, or how loud my heart beat, the sound of the footsteps echoed clearly in my ears. There was nowhere I could go, nothing I could do but continue on running till I reached the inevitable end of the road.
Deeper and deeper, further and further, from the safety of my home, the safety of the dilapidated world above. I no longer knew just how long I’d been running. It had been more than a few life times since I last felt fear as intense, as crippling.
BANG!
The deafening shot resounded, causing a quiet ringing in my ears. A thin trail of smoke tapered from the barrel of my gun. I had reached the end of the chase. To the left, the cats grouped, their eyes growing a malicious red; to my right, a wall of pipes. My only way out was the doorway I’d just ran through, its vermilion light straining my nerves. My disembodied pursuer continued its advance.
BANG!
The bullet ricocheted in the distance. The shadow grew closer.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click.
Even after the last round was expended I continued to pull the trigger. Closer and closer the shadow crept. My gun fell to the ground as I lost feeling in my legs, falling against the wall behind me. I slid to the ground, curling up. I wanted to fight back, to yell in anger at it, but I was too frightened to speak. The audible cries muffled by my thighs, would never reach anyone.
Why does the samsara of anguish keep revolving?
Cold rain assailed me, breaking me out of my petrifaction. My head shot up, searching for a reason. I was in some back alley, huddled next to a dumpster. My gun lay at my feet, its barrel as cold as the rain. The air was pungent, heavy with the smell of copper, of blood. I crawled to the source. A vagrant riddled with the shots I had fired, a look of sheer terror on his face. Steam tapered from his wounds.
The all too familiar laughter cut through the rain in the shape of a young woman as I ran out of the alley. I had to get away. The sky was pitch black, no thunder, no lightening to guide me. This was all wrong, it wasn’t supposed to go this way. Where did I go wrong? What did I do differently? Questions that would never get an answer.
In front of me, my reflection skipped happily; the shattered shop windows giving a face to the vague form. I no longer cared where I was going. How could I? All I wanted was to get away from everything. Nobody was around and even if there was, the denizens of this urban wasteland would offer no helping hand. Once again I was alone.
From one maze to another; from the red stained underground to the void of night. The rain stung, tears blurred my vision; the only thing that kept me going was adrenaline. There was no escaping my failure. I knew that now.
I stopped. I shouldn’t be here. A place I knew so well, a place I worked so hard to avoid, why am I here? The blue windowless front door of my girlfriend’s house stood between me and what I had always known would happen. I couldn’t say no, not after all that’s happened. Yet still I hesitated, unsure of my intent. My mouth hurt, my chest burned; I yearned for release. Have I truly grown so soft? I had always believed that I would be ready when the time came.
I gripped the knob, stealing what courage I could find. I had made my choice long ago, I couldn’t turn back.
The memories of destruction echo inside me. The taste of blood on my lips, the stain of it on my hands. Victims at my feet, I watched on as the villages burned, filling the sky with ash and flames. I grew to enjoy my fate, to take pride in the work I’d done. It was the only way. It was my duty, my failure.
