o, while I'm thinking of it now, I'm going to write my yearly reflections and resolutions. As always, sappiness and tl;dr within!
As with 2008, I have to say that the last year was not a particularly easy one - but unlike last year, it made me feel very fortunate. I'm fortunate to know the people I know and to live my comfortable, fairly charmed life without much hardship. I'm glad that, more than before, I'm able to recognize that.
Studying abroad in Japan wasn't exactly everything I dreamed it would be, but that might even be for the best, too. It was hard as hell while I was there, and when my friends talk about their host families and how they're still in touch (or even when I think about those perfect first few weeks with the Nomuras), it makes me feel like I missed out on something wonderful.
But at the same time, I think I grew so much because of that. I never would have thought that I could be strong enough to deal with the sort of attitude my host family showed me and never snap at them, and when they didn't care enough to help me with things, I found ways to do them by myself. It's the most independent I've ever been. And as scary as it is to think that I'll be on my own soon, I can think about that experience and know that I've got part of the process down. Despite the Nomura-issues, Japan was a good experience. I managed to get around with my language skills, and everyone was extremely complimentary about them. Hell, people would just stop me on the street to tell me how pretty I was. My host family aside, everyone was so kind, and gave me lots to be confident about.
One of my most affecting experiences there was the field trip to Hiroshima. Our trip to the museum and listening to the talk from the survivor was, of course, sobering and completely horrifying. But when you hear about Hiroshima, no one ever tells you how gorgeous and alive it is. It's as cosmopolitan as Tokyo or Osaka, but there's a certain calm there: the people there want to live happily and peacefully, but without forgetting. I didn't get to look around nearly enough, but it's one of my requested placements on my JET application.
This turned out to be a bad year for deaths, too. Once again, I was lucky enough not to lose anyone close to me, but towards the end of this year my Uncle David and my high school friend Gabby both passed away. One died from cancer, the other from suicide. The former was a fighter, and the latter was a beautiful, ebullient woman with lots of people who still love her - but I guess that only counts for so much. I hadn't talked to either of them in a long time, and I wish I had given them a call, but I hope they understood that I love them both very much.
That's why it's important that you all know how much I appreciate you, too. ♥ Naming you all would take too much time, and I might leave someone out by accident, but I think you know who you are, anyway:
Thank you to those of you who listened to me when I needed to rant or cry or blow off steam, and thank you to those of you who cheered me up when I needed it. Your support means more to me than you know, and hopefully I'll be able to return the favor for you.
Thank you to those of you who read my writing. You didn't have to (which I know I've probably told you repeatedly) and there's nothing that makes me happier than knowing that it entertained you.
Thank you to any person who I rambled and fangirled with this year - there's nothing more fun. ♥
Thank you to every single one of you, for still being here!
And now, resolutions! They seem more important than usual this year now that I'm about to graduate.
1. Write, write, write! For a little while, I lost sight of why it was so important for me to write - until I realized that I don't know how not to think about it every second. I may not have the best story or the most beautiful prose, but I love it more than anyone, and that's kept me going. So this year, I really want to pursue my dream: I am going to finish up Grandmaster Draw, make some edits, and start querying agents. If I want to hold my published book in my hands, I have to start somewhere.
2. As with every year, I want to become more confident. True, I've been craving a win for months now, but even without it, I should be able to hold myself up straight and keep moving.
3. I want to give more. Like I said, I'm truly fortunate to live a comfortable life, but I think I've shied away from trying to help others because I wouldn't know where to start. I need to start thinking about what I want to do to contribute.
4. Whatever happens from the time I graduate, I want to make the best of it. I'm not going to go plunging off a cliff come May 20th, even though it really does feel like it.
5. I want to get back into a proper workout schedule now that my ankle is better! I'm happy with my weight and the way I look, but given the things I like to eat, I think my heart might thank me in coming years. ;;
6. I want to start picking up new skills for living on my own. I'm going to learn new recipes, too - maybe even some healthier ones.
7. Even though I'm becoming an adult, I never want to forget the part of me that's still a child, and knows how to truly enjoy things and have fun. And above all, I want to become the kind of adult that child would look up to.
Happy almost-2010, everyone! I love you all lots. ♥
