Merry Christmas, everyone at theOtaku.com! I think we can definitely start calling this a tradition. Since I don't do much else at this site, here's a gift from me to you...
-SG
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T'was a week before Christmas, and out in New York,
A tall little Bossman was popping a cork;
His game was released after many a year,
released for the iPhone he held oh so dear.
His trailers were out and reviews came in piles,
And the Bossman could see only clear skies for miles;
His spirit was beaming all shiny and proud,
He wanted to share his achievement out loud!
He logged 'to his website, all set to abuse,
And knew a quick means to make millions of views;
"I'll spam all my ad-space," he schemed with delight,
"And then I'll have surges of views overnight!"
With ominous chanting and eyes glowing red,
The Bossman commanded the ads to embed;
The banner, the background, with lights 'round his name,
The site was exposed to the Bossman's new game...
The very next day, he awoke with a fright
As he checked all the directed hits to his site;
A dozen, no more, cared to look at his page,
And the Bossman, expectedly, started to rage.
"My plan was so perfect!" he griped over AIM,
"How could I end with results so damn lame?!"
"It's Christmas, you know," said his friend down in Oz,
"I'd say that would give you definitive cause."
"You're right!" said the Bossman, thoughts falling in place,
"With Christmas afoot, my new game won't get space!
Even with pop-ups and scripts slathered wide,
This Christmas distraction's one we can't abide!"
He called forth his coders, and to them declared
That he needed some programs most wicked prepared;
The Bossman, then 'fessed to his southern-most pal,
"If I can't be happy, then nobody shall!"
Upon his poor site, that mean Bossman, he fell,
And gored out the code of his HTML;
His script monkeys set forth in two-person groups,
And borked all the programs with infinite loops.
The images showed up as little red signs
As the Bossman embedded his fiendish designs;
Even the hotlinks weren't out of his scope,
As all led to fanfics of Lightning and Hope.
To his innocent staff, the Bossman commanded,
That all of the fan worlds would soon be disbanded;
He called moderators out and, just for kicks,
He gave them all orders to be giant meanies.
Subscriber counts plummeted, rankings reset,
But that's when the Bossman grew more heinous yet;
The members with "Legend" were bumped down to "Rookie",
And avatars transformed to Jersey Shore's Snooki!
The skies were all dark for the Bossman, it seemed,
Where magic one thrived, only enmity teemed;
Now the creator's once vast-seeing soul,
Had shrivelled away to the pith of a troll.
He smiled a foul smile as he tossed in his chair,
The fireworks would fly once the kids were aware;
F5 under finger, he savoured his view,
And eagerly waited for all the QQ...
And a thing he did see as the hours progressed,
But not the laments of the riled or depressed;
Down in the depths of his shattered old site,
Were sounds of the members in total delight!
The Bossman clicked "hidden" and entered the chat,
To find where the source of the yayfulness sat;
And inside a private room, shock to his eyes,
Amidst all the site was a shocking surprise!
Within the small chatroom, the members resided,
All rising with laughter that YouTube provided!
No matter what time of the year it may be,
YouTube would always give something to see.
They didn't have backgrounds, the servers were lagging,
The avatars in the display pics were sagging;
But even if broken old sites tried to smother,
The members would cheer so long they had each other!
And that was the moment The Bossman went white,
The corn' of his eye had just caught such a sight;
A kitty named Maru all crammed in a box,
Removed his hard heart and dumped out all the rocks!
And what happened then, well... at theO they say,
His favourites on YouTube all tripled that day!
He called off the monkeys and set straight the mods,
And all gathered 'round for the laughs of the gods.
The Bossman himself learned a valuable rule,
That spamming your viewers with links isn't cool;
But all was okay once he learned to relax,
And he, he himself! The Bossman linked epic sax...
The End.
* * * * * * * * * *
A special dedication goes out this year to Ace who suggested this idea, to schultzie who gave me a starting point, a big thanks to Anomaly who illustrated and helped with the actual writing of this story (the greatest collaboration since Lennon and McCartney?), and finally to the random six or seven people who were awake well into the early morning with me, sharing YouTube links.
Most likely, they were just killing time while they waited for Santa Claus...
