The blonde did not expect the man to swat him in the face with his bag. “Now look here, I don’t take kindly to young folks thinkin’ they can swindle me outta ma’ living by actin’ like this is 1949 when everyone was sweet and kind...” He started, and Minato took a few steps back, holding his hands up in surrender.
“Sir, I didn’t mean to frighten-”
“I ain’t frightened of you! I’ll tear you limb from limb if you try that again!” He yelled, swinging a bag at him again.
“...I’m sorry.” Minato bowed, but sensed that there were others behind him.
“So. You like picking on old people?”
Oh my God. Minato turned to the three men who were each at least a head taller than him, all of which looked extremely intimidating. He could take them down easily, but that wasn’t what he was concerned about. He was worried that this situation had very quickly gotten out of hand. “Do we...have a problem?” He made sure he was asking this politely so that the men wouldn’t take offense.
“An out of towner muggin’ an old man doesn’t look too good on your part, does it?” The tallest man, probably the leader, stepped forward.
Minato didn’t say anything other than, “I have no need to mug anyone, especially in broad daylight. On the other hand, you three look very suspicious. I hope you won’t be ignorant enough to mug me in broad daylight.” He smiled.
Many years later, it would be events like these that made people understand how similar Minato’s son, Naruto, was to his father; they were both smartasses.
Of course, Minato made mincemeat of the men, but as soon as he was done with them, three more came. And then another three appeared. And another....And...another...
Minato frowned. What were they, a motorcycle gang? He decided his efforts would be useless if they kept coming, so he hid after a while and waited until the coast was clear. A deep sigh escaped his lips. Safe...but then he heard the sound of familiar, obnoxious- albeit perverted- laughter. He paused, turning slowly as his gaze settled on the twenty-nine year old Sannin, who was nestled between two women with voluptuous bodies and three bottles of sake.
“Oh hey, Minato! I didn’t think I’d find you here!”
Minato kept his jaw wired shut so that his words came out as if they were forced. “...sensei...where is the money I gave you for food?”
“Hm?” He blinked a couple of times, his face flushed- probably afterglow- still grinning like an idiot. “Oh...right.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out Minato’s wallet and tossed it to him. Minato didn’t have to look inside. He knew there was nothing in his wallet.
The blonde’s face suddenly turned crimson, causing the Pervy Sage to lean forward with worry. “Minato? Are you okay?”
The redness slowly subsided as Minato’s brow, his eyes still closed, drew together in a sort of calm fury that seemed to scare the girls who sat beside Jiraiya. “...sensei...are you saying...that you didn’t buy any food?”
“Oh...sorry, I forgot.” Jiraiya was clearly drunk, but Minato didn’t care.
He seemed to be searching for something to say for the longest time, his fifteen-year old mouth twitching at the corners. “...fuck this.”
Jiraiya’s eyes widened. He’d never heard him say that word before. “What?”
“I SAID, FUCK THIS.” Minato said, twitching. “I got beaten up by a horde of monkeys- my eye still isn’t better, by the way- got clipped by some vulture who probably gave me an infection, beat up by an old man who thought I was trying to HURT him instead of HELP him, like I was TRYING to do- by the way, he ALSO clipped me- only to get jumped by a bunch of fat bastards who decided an out of towner with a misunderstanding needs a beating.”
“...umm-”
“NO, NO, LET ME FINISH, DAMMIT.” Minato raised his voice, though he wasn’t really yelling. “And then I come HERE, starving, fatigued, and find YOU, my MENTOR sitting between two prostitutes and drinking sake with MY money. Well, guess what?” Minato said, red in the face. “I have a very, very high level of tolerance for foolish things. VERY HIGH. But this? This is just ridiculous. What are you, nineteen!?” He actually yelled then, throwing his hands in the air. “So I’ll tell you what, Pervy Sage,” Minato growled, “either you start teaching me like you promised, or I’ll report you to the Hokage for CHILD ABUSE. Yeah, I said it. FUCKING CHILD ABUSE.” Minato crossed his arms, looking fierce until his stomach growled. “...and I want food, too.”
Jiraiya was speechless as his apprentice huffed and panted as if making such a statement had taken a lot out of him, and he stood up, moving away from the women who were sitting beside him. “Minato...”
Minato was still red in the face, but he started to get nervous when Jiraiya approached him with a stern expression on his face. Did I really just yell at an adult?! No, I didn’t just yell at him, I threatened him! And he’s my teacher! What if he won’t train me now!?
A shadow passed over Jiraiya’s face as he placed his hand on Minato’s shoulder, and shivers travelled up and down his spine. “Minato....” He repeated, and suddenly he raised his head so that Minato could see it in the light. “What you just said...that took some guts!” He looked...impressed? IMPRESSED?!
“I mean,” he continued, “saying something like that around a bunch of adults could throw you out of this fine establishment...hell, even saying it in front of your teacher took guts. I could’ve bitch slapped you just now.”
Minato didn’t know if that was a warning or if Jiraiya was still complimenting him.....
He patted Minato on the shoulder. “Tell ya what, kid, I’ll get to training you right now.” Behind him, the girls started whining, much to Minato’s dismay. “Now, now, girls. My apprentice comes first, you know.”
“Oh dear...so fatherly...”
Minato frowned, a sweatdrop sliding down the side of his forehead. He wondered if all ladies fell for things like that.
Jiraiya draped his arm around Minato’s shoulder as they walked out, and Minato felt relieved. “Now I’m going to teach you how to summon a toad...be careful though, they’re temperamental.”
“THAT,” Minato said, talking to Kushina’s stomach nine years later, “is the reason why you should NOT, I repeat NOT choose that man as your teacher. He’s a great man, mind you- why else would we be naming you after his character- but I’m warning you, don’t trust him with anything short of your life.” He smiled brightly, but Kushina knew it was a bitter smile. “Trust me, he isn’t serious with anything less.”
Kushina Uzumaki-Namikaze agreed with everything her husband said, but she thought the story was a bit...exaggerated. “...Mina, did he really do all of that? I mean sure, the guy’s a terrible influence but...” She paused. “....aw hell. I forgot what I was going to say about him that was good.”
Minato chuckled, patting Kushina’s pregnant stomach as he stood up and kissed her cheek. “It’s alright. I know for a fact that our child will be smart enough to avoid Jiraiya-sensei when it comes to that.”
Too bad Minato’s assumption was a little far fetched...
