Yes, you read that right. I had a near-death experience with a water chestnut. How did this happen? I'm glad you asked...
Once upon a time there lived an innocent young maiden. Following the tradition of her parents and siblings, she attended a nearby University in order to gain both a degree and some life experience. She happily studied the ancient discipline of history, reveling in the dusty pages of eras long past; nothing seemed more fitting to her mind than uncovering the stories and secrets of past generations. She took pride in her work even though many doubted the practicality of her chosen discipline. She staunchly stood by her major through thick and thin (plus she wasn't good at anything else so she had little choice in the matter).
However, her happiness was not to last. Little did she suspect that within the seemingly peaceful academic enclosure grew a tree thrived on hatred and malice. Though it grew near the library, it rejected the truths of goodness and love taught by the books. Instead it festered and twisted with hatred.
http://i49.tinypic.com/2zzsqq9.jpg (p.s. Picture of the evil tree. Sorry I don't know how to make them direct clicky links ^^')
Every day it watched as the innocent young maiden struggle up the long, steep path towards the buildings of knowledge on the hill, which symbolized the young girl's uphill fight for truth and knowledge. Or at least that's what she told her self and she struggled to haul 20lbs worth of reading material up and down the hill each day (fyi not recommended you try that in heels -_-) Every day she passed under it's sweeping branches, never suspecting the insidious plot that it laid.
After one particularly peaceful day, when her mind was quiet and her heart calm, the tree decided the time to strike had come. It waited until it was late in the day, and time for the innocent maiden to pass under it's branches on her way home. Down the sidewalk she shambled, not knowing the doom that was to await her.
Though she heard the rustling branches overhead, the innocent maiden paid it no heed, thinking the noise the result of a gentle squirrel running overhead. She was soon to find out how wrong she was as ball, spiked by malice and hate, fell down. Yes down, aiming right for her head!
If this weapon of hatred happened to land on her, death could be the only sure outcome! Down down it fell. Straight for the innocent maiden . . . but wait! The protection of the books, both good and true, made the malicious missile miss by (not a mile, you were expecting a mile weren't you. Ha! Fooled by alliteration. That'll teach you!) Ahem, as I was saying the spiked ball of hate missed her head and passed less than an inch from her right eye. It bounced once on the path, then stilled. It's potency broken, it's mission denied.
http://i49.tinypic.com/25tg6br.jpg
The innocent maiden looked at the malicious missile with horror! Who could do such a thing. The tree tried to protest it's innocence, but the maiden recognized the distinct shape the missile's form took. Slowly she bent down and picked up the object: it was a water chestnut.
http://i50.tinypic.com/2j0m2hs.jpg
"Why have you tried to harm me water chestnut tree? Haven't we been friends for a long time? Day after day haven't I admired your strong branches and reveled in your beautiful shade? Why did you try to harm me? But the water chestnut refused to answer, its heart too twisted by hate to be moved by the gentle maiden's plea.
And thus the gentle maiden lost her innocence. She now bewares the water chestnut tree, and tells all who listen to stay out from underneath it's murderous branches. The End.
. . . okay. So maybe I dramatized this a little bit. But after making E.L. wait for this story for so long, I thought I should at least make it worth her while to read this. But seriously, did you see the spikes covering that thing!?! It would really have hurt if at had landed on my head 
It hurt even to pick it up.
Anyway, you hopefully found it at least somewhat amusing and I haven't been covered in virtual rotten tomatoes.
fyi When I went back to take pictures of the crime scene, I was almost hit. AGAIN!! Stupid tree lol
