Dreams can come undone
Loneliness. The one word I know ever so well. My reality. A tiresome one at that.
The only excitement I get day by day is when I get ganged up on by Trent and his friends.
But at least they notice me. And at least she notices me. Then I blend into the emptiness
that is space right before her eyes as she swoons into the arms of my attacker; she
deserves much better. Not that I should be more fitting. She does not need me. She needs
someone popular that’ll compliment her beautiful and insatiable image. And that is not me.
It’ll never be me…ever.
I longed for that day to come, however. It was stronger than me. And I, Jason Fredericton, was
willing to do everything in my power in order to become that one. The one who she could lean on
when the world became a burden. The one she could count on for anything. The one…Her one…
Alas, that day may never come.
I went to my locker and rummaged through my trash in hope of finding my French
notebook. Then that feeling of utter solitude came creeping back into my thoughts. But no
worry, I’ll get over it soon enough.
I shut the door, turned around then…Bam! There she was!
“S-s-sorry.” I stuttered. “I-I-I-I didn’t mean to walk into you like this, err…”
“Caitlyn.” She smiled, “The name’s Caitlyn. And don’t worry about the books, I can handle them myself.”
I suddenly, just suddenly, noticed the books scattered about.
“Was this my doing?” I thought
“Of course it was you, idiot!”
“Sorry, what?”
“It was your doing. So keep your palms off my girl and get away from her before you get
a beat down.”
I turned around then reluctantly spotted Caitlin’s boyfriend, Trent.
“Well, you were thinking a bit loud,” Caitlyn whispered.
“Err…” Before I could add anything, I bolted.
I could hear her shouting after me. It was like a dream come true one forth of the way.
All she needed to do was run after me and half of it would be accomplished. What a heart-
throb! What a heart-throb! What a…heart…throb? Paf!
“You forgot your book, loser”. Yelled a voice behind me just as I had received a wicked
hit to the head by what felt like a fifty pound brick. I stared at her then stared at him. Then
I ran in the direction of my French course.
Drriiii….rrrrrrrriiiiiiin…NNNNNNNNNNGGG!!!!
“ REVIENT PARMI NOUS, LOUIS ARMSTRONG. ON N’A PLUS BESOIN DE TOI
SUR LA LUNE.”
I had completely forgotten that I was in French class.
« Tiens, les notes du cours pour notre reveur.»
“Thanks teach, I mean, yeah, thank you, Mr. Léger.“ I mumbled.
“ C’est un cours de FRANCAIS ici. On ne dit pas “TANK QUE”, on dit “ MERCI”.
“M-m-mercy?”
“TANK QUE. NOW GET AOUT O MY KRASS. DUH BELL, IT RING
ALREADY.PETIT “DESLINQUANT” OU SHAIS PAS QUOI.”
“ Sorry, err, désolé monsieur.”
I ran out of the class then headed towards my locker hoping to never see him or her
again.
Another day, another punch in the spleen and last but not least another kick in the
between. I would make a song out of that but they have already heard me sing. It didn’t
matter any more. I have decided to write to her. The letter? It was right in the palm of my hand,
waiting to be slipped into her locker which just two boots away from my own. I didn’t care
whether or not she had a boyfriend. I was going through with this from A to Z.
I ran straight to her locker, slipped the letter through its opening then left as though
nothing occurred. That day was finally the day when she would recognize me as a man. Risking my
life for her… I would do it over and over again if I must. The amount of atoms in my body would
be the limit if ever her boyfriend decided to slice me up. I would still tell her how I felt. My
missing out on her affection has endured long enough. Two years or whatnot. Something ought to
be done, right…Right? Maybe I was going about it the wrong way.
I spent the rest of the day obsessed by my previous mistake. To give her something like that was
inconceivable. What was I thinking?
“Hey!”
Not to mention, what was I really trying to do? If Trent found out I might as well
call the hospital in advance.
“ Jason”. The voice grew louder.
Who knows? I might already be dead by the time they will get here.
“Are you deaf?”
I looked up only to find the owner of the voice, Caitlyn. Her face was flushed with anger.
Maybe her boyfriend did something to her? Probably not.
“What’s with this letter?”
She took out an envelop from her pocket.
“What’s this about? I don’t even know who the hell you are and you send THIS to me?”
“What do you mean? Did I something wrong? Everything I wrote was sincere. Maybe
you misunderstood what I was trying to…”
Sure enough, the students in the hallway gathered round.
“Oh really? What is there for me to NOT understand? I can’t believe you would write
such crap! My God!” She interrupted.
I was getting angry for I have spent every waking hour writing that message that elucidated my
deep fondness for her but I couldn’t permit myself to hurt her: not verbally and definitely
not physically.
“Listen. I’m sorry. I’ll disappear if need be but please don’t draw anymore attention. That’s all
I’m asking.”
Trent made his way through the crowd then shouted:
“ IN CASE YOU ARE ALL WONDERING, JASON HERE,” He pointed at me,
“WROTE A RATHER DISTURBING MESSAGE TO MY GIRL.”
In this chaotic field, I grew more and more consumed by the confusion. Sure enough, it
was dissipated. I became certain that he must have switched the letter.
“ Hey, are you still listening to me?”
The bell rang but everyone seemed to be glued to the spot like women to their seats when they’re
watching soap opera.
“Honey, would you get to the point already?” shouted an amused bystander.
Caitlyn trusted the pink envelop into my hand.
“I never want to see you again. Never!” she walked away leaving a scent of her perfume
lingering in her trail.
When she disappeared somewhere near the end of the congested hallway, I opened the
envelop and read the atrocity. It said:
Dear Caitlyn,
I know that you are probably aware of this already but I have to say that you have the most
luscious body in this school. All those guys must have noticed. I know I did. I was wondering, if
you have any free time I’d like to show you how much I love you in the only way known to man.
And I promise to pay you for your time if “free” is too demanding. I haven’t stalked you long
enough to know your schedule so bare with me here. Sorry for not telling you
this earlier.
Jason Fredricton
P.S: I hope you understand how I feel. I took a lot of time writing this.
Everything I’ve endured…She’d endured was all Trent’s doing. I’m one hundred per cent sure
That bastard!
With all the fire of my being I lashed out on my English manual, my locker door and even
on myself; banging my head against the wall countless times for acting on impulse, for
creating that opportunity for Trent to harm her and most importantly for having been such a
brainless fool. I decided that it was my duty to go looking for her.
Once the bell announced the end of the days’ lessons, I headed immediately to her locker.
Sure enough, she was there. What a relief!
“ Caitlyn, this message isn’t from me.” I showed her the small, handwritten letter. “Look
at it, my name’s not even spelt right!”
“ So now you’re calling me an idiot? How would I know whether or not your name’s
written correctly? I don’t even know you. Stay the heck away from me.”
She started down the stairway. I followed.
“ Listen. Please listen. I love you and I would never write something so distasteful, Cathy.”
“ My name’s Caitlyn.”
“Sorry.”
“Get away from me!” She yelled but I held her by the arm as tightly as I could without
injuring her.
Due to all the adrenaline rush, my movements became fluent. Audacious even.
I pulled her towards me and kissed her hard. It wasn’t easy. She can fight! But she soon
gave in.
When our lips parted, I repeated:
“ I love you.”
She backed away in disbelief.
“So, if you didn’t write that who did?”
“It was Trent. He…”
“Don’t start Jason. I know he’s bad but definitely not in that way.”
“Okay okay, I’ll drop that subject.”
“So, what exactly did you write to me?”
“What?”
“I saw you put the envelop in my locker.” Her eyes suddenly had this…glow.
“I can’t remember much but it took a lot of thought. I stayed up all night writing it.
Sorry.”
She laughed.
“Well, I accept your apology but I don’t forgive you.”
“ You want to go out with me?”
“ I never said that and NO.”
“What? After that kiss we just shared?”
“A kiss remain a kiss. Besides, that one was forced, you jerk. Err, but we can be friends, right? We
have to start somewhere!”
“Yeah. Sure. Ok.”
After accompanying her home I came to realize that I accomplished a lot. I finally got a huge
load off my chest and damn, I felt good. But there was a big piece of the puzzle missing:
The letter.
A few days later, in Trent’s dorm room…
“ Dear Caitlyn,
My love, I have tried with all my being
to grasp a form comparable to thine own,
but nothing seems worthy;
I know now why Shakespeare could not
compare his love to a summer’s day.
It would be a crime to denounce the beauty
of such a creature as thee,
to simply cast away the precision
God had placed in forging you.
Each facet of your being
whether it physical or spiritual
is an ensnarement
from which there is no release.
But I do not wish release.
I wish to stay entrapped forever.
With you for all eternity.
May our hearts ,one day, become one.
Your neighbor,
Jason Fredericton”
“ He must really love this girl to write this crap.” Said one of the bully’s comrade.
“ Yeah.”, He replied. “And I’m startin’ to hate this kid.”
He took the letter and threw it into a nearby trash can.
“ Doesn’t matter. She won’t be gettin’ that letter any time soon”, he smirked, ignorant of the war he just lost .
