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Hajimemashite! Please enjoy my posts and dont forget to comment!~

DBSK fighting!!~

-pandajae

gone~

Walking down the street hand in hand with you, my beloved soul mate. The fresh cold winter wind blowing against my face, but no wind going between our bodies. Your head rested on my shoulder as we walk. Going through the park, heading towards our apartment we shared…

“We were so happy.”

The apartment we shared with our band mates. When we get inside, we see them in the living room. YooSu happening on the couch. Changmin making out with his food. Doing all this during a movie.

“We had a beautiful family.”

We laughed and walked into our shared room. I close the door slowly and quietly as you get onto the bed. I walk over and get under the covers with you already under. We snuggle against each other. I put my arms around your waist, as you do the same. And your face buried into my chest. We lay there for awhile.

“We had each other.”

“JaeJoongie?” I call out softly.

“Hmm?” you reply.

“I love you.”

“I still love you.”

“I know. And I love you too~” you look up into my eyes, as I move my head closer to yours. And our lips meet in a passionate kiss. After we part, we go back to our original positions.

“Joongie.” You look back up and move a little from my chest, so that we can see each other clearly.

“Yes?” you smile at me, then I leaned in to kiss your forehead.

When I moved away, I said, “You know the movie they were watching?” you nodded. “I want to be the one to go first.”

“No.” you said.

“Why? I can’t be without you. I won’t live, anyway.”

“No one will go first.”

“…”

“How?” I asked.

“We’ll be together forever.” you said.

“Hm..” I think.

“You don’t think we’ll be together forever?” you asked.

“Of course, I do! But…”

“But, what?” with your little puppy eyes.

“But, if I actually do leave first, then you have to forget me.”

“Then if I go first, then you have to forget me. But we're going to be together forever!”

“Is that a threat?” I smirked.

“A promise.” you smiled.

“Lier.”

The next morning, I was awoken by a cold breeze coming from the window. I looked down at your beautiful sleeping face. ‘Joongie…’ I said in my head. “Jaejoong…” I called out. “Wake up…” I push you lightly on the shoulder to wake you up.

No response.

“JaeJoongie?” I hold your waist, to move you a little off my other arm. Cool. I slowly realize, that you can not hear me. “JAEJOONG!” I shout out, and held you closer to my body. The coldness of your body slipping through your clothes. I look at your beautiful face for the last time. I touch the remainder of the warmth of your cheeks. You lay there, in my arms; gone.

I start walking away from the stone, from the grass, from the dirt where lies…

Kim Jaejoong.
January 26, 1986 - February 1, 2010
In the arms of his loved one, who he will always watch over.

… the one person I ever loved. The one and only person…

Kim Jaejoong.

Im so sosososos sorry for not posting~

posty-unposting

Hey guys! Im really sorry i havent been updating lately due to the amount of assignments that i am momentarily DROWNING in. Sorry for not posting, so bear with me!- I will be posting a new yunjae shortly, so for now please await it!.

thanks!!
pandajae

Smile II- The love behind tears

now now..amidst the test frenzy i have found time to fanfic away!..please enjoy!
-DBSK FIGHTING!!!~^^

Note: sorry for any grammar spelling etc mistakes..i fail in english!!!~

Please enjoy-

Volume II
The love behind tears

re-cap: A few minutes went by and I myself was fast asleep, The sun rising over the city of Seoul, shining its sparkling rays over the leeping jae, tight in my arms..

Chapter 6: Trios are a bother
"Changmin! Stop bothering the doctor already!" Junsu grabbed Changmin by the ear. "Free lolly!" Changmin beamed- Junsu dragged him to the door or Yunho's room..Yoochun waiting there patiently for them. "Changmin, you are such a kid" Yoochun laughed. "AM NOT!!!" Changmin poked his tongue out, Yoochun poking his back. The two of them started making faces at eachother Junsu in the middle looking from one to the other, "Hmmm..if i was jaejoong hyung..what would i do??" Junsu thought out loud. "OH! I know!" Junsu raised his hands and quickly wacked Them both on the back of the head, Yoochun and Chnagmin yelped in surprise. "Heyy!!!" Yoochun whined as he rubbed the back o his head. "just cause your mums aren't here, doesn't mean you can act like monkeys!!!" JUnsu walked off into the room. Changmin and Yoochun stood in the doorway, confused about what had just happened. They looked at eachother.."Monkeys???" they said at the same time, then ran into the room laughing, but they immediately stoped when they saw Junsu on the floor crying.." Eeerrrr..Junsu??" They both said at the same time again. "I..I..I..m laughing." Junsu said rolling around on the floor, having trouble talking..Yoochun and Changmin look around the room and start breaking down in hysteric laughter as well..Across the room Jaejoong was in my arms, his head lain on my chest. All three of them kept laughing until when suddenly Changmin said, suddenly serious.."Yoo..have they been doing naughty things in the hospital bed??"--more hysteric laughter "No, they were just cold Min." He replied through laughter. Junsu got up and gestured for them to leave "C'mon guys, lets come back at a better time..preferably a time when they are awake." he chuckled. And so they left..because now..they had nothing to worry about anymore, because I had finall gotten Jaejoong to smile, just for me...

A Few years later
Chapter 7…

“Jaejoongah!” I shout as I run down the street. Jae turns around with a big grin spread across his face. But his smile quickly faded away as he saw who was by my side. “HER AGAIN!!??” he moaned loudly. “Now, Now Jae, Don’t get jealous..Shes only my best friend!” I teased. He pouted cutely as I ruffled his hair..”Fine!!” Jae said, and the three of us walked down the road. Jae on my left side as always, and Yilin Umi, my best friend, and a transfer student from Japan, Was on my right side. Yilin moved closer to me slowly and took my hand, which surprised me but I didn’t pull away. Jae started eyeing our linked hands and glared at her furiously. Amongst his fury, he snatched up my hand and stuck his tongue out at Yilin. I laughed and let go of Yilin’s hand. “Jae stop it!! You are the only one for me.” I smiled. Yilin poker her tongue out at Jae, thought this was all happening behind my back. “Yunho! Lets go!” Jae said hurriedly and tugged on my hand. We ran down the street, the wind lifting our spirits. We didn’t stop running for a while, and we left Yilin behind us, leaving her to sulk.

Chapter 8- Rivals!~[U/]
I sat on the bench with Jae, His head resting on my shoulder, when he suddenly got up. “I HATE HER YUNHO! HATE!!!”he shouted. “Jae, she’s not interested in me.” I laughed. “Yunho! Open your eyes, please! She is sooo into you! It annoys me that you can’t see it!” He shouted again, even louder if possible. “C’mon Jae, you know I don’t have good senses” I said, trying to lighten the conversation.”Haha, very funny” he retorted…
The spring breeze blew and we sat in silence. Then finally I got up and tugged him gently on the hand. “C’mon Jae, I love you okay?” I said. Barely louder than a whisper, and we walked back home.
=
The phone rang “hello?? This is Jaejoong speaking.”- “Oh, hi Jaejoong oppa..”. It was Yilin. “Do you wanna speak to Yunho?” Jae said, trying to keep his voice polite, struggling against the urge to snap at her. “Oh, well, I was actually wanting to talk to you.” She replied. “Oh??”—“Meet me at the amusement park tomorrow. 10.00..we need to talk.” And with that, she hung up. Jaejoong froze in is spot, the phone clenched in his hands. That was weird..
=
“Yunho! I’m leaving now!” Jae shouted acroos the house. “Okay!! Have fun!!” I shouted back. Jaejoong had told me that he was going to go meet some old friend from school. He ran down the stairs and stopped a cab, he headed towards his destination in anticipation. He arrived and paid the driver, and she was already there waiting for me.

Chapter 9- no turning back[U/]
“Oppa, I’ve been waiting a while.” She said, looking all innocent and sweet. “Just cut to the chase.” Jae snapped- a wide comfortable smirk spread across her face. “Alright then..you like Yunho oppa..right?” Jaejoongs eyes narrowed and he sighed in frustration. “Yes..so what?” He replied. “Its wrong..no man should like another..so, I challenge you Kim Jaejoong.” Yilin smiled.--- “what?...” Jaejoong said in disbelief..”Don’t try and tell me who I should love, that’s up to me. So, bring it.”—and then Jaejoong walked off..I Knew she was going to be a problem he sighed to himself.

Relationships…[U/]
“Jaejoongah!” I smiled, my hands behind my back hiding the surprise. “Oh..Yunho, hi.”-
“Jae??whats wrong?” I say. –“Oh nothing!” He says, suddenly cheerful. “Okay then” I say, but barely able to contain my excitement, I pull me hands out from behind my back. “SURPRISE!!!” I shout happily and hand Jaejoong a ring with a delicate Heart engraved on it. “But its nt even my birthday yet!!!” He laughs, I laugh back. “silly jae! Im celebrating our love!”. As smile spreads across his face and he gives me a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ve got one too..now we’re linked.” I smile. “Thanks Yunho..This really means a lot.” Jae says, his voice soft and loving.
=

I don’t know why..i don’t know whats going on..But every single time Yilin, Jae, and I are all together theres a really tense atmosphere.-I really wonder what those two are up to sometimes..
-We start walking down the corridor to homeroom. “Guys! I cant take it anymore! Whats going on!!!???” I say, not able to hide my curiosity anymore. Jaejoong and Yilin exchange glances. “Its nothing.” Yilin mumbles before walking off quickly. Jaejoong sneaks a quick look at me, then walks away too..God…whats happening??
=
I walk to homeroom…alone. RING RING RING!. “hello?”- “Yunho, its me, Yilin..meet me at the amusement park.” Then she hangs up..
Well then..lets go get this sorted out..

Chapter 11-Confusion[U/]
I walk to the amusement park, its close enough to the school anyway. I see Yilin standing by the shade of the tree, at the foor of the ferris wheel. She smiles. “I didn’t think that you would come.” She said, her expression unreadable. “Well, I had to sort this out sometime.” I replied. There was a short pause be fore she looked me straight in the eyes,”Maybe ths will help sort things out.” She said-At that moment she pulled my fae close to hers and kissed me..But it was at that very same moment that Jae arrived. “Yunho??..” Jaejoong whispered, “Jae…I..Its not what you…”---“BASTARD!”..tears started pouring down Jaes face, and he turned and ran..It all happened so quickly like a blur. “YILIN!!..YOU PLANNED THIS ALL!” I screamed out..The tears pouring down my face too..”Have fun now.” Yilin said with a mocking smile, and then walked away. I screamed in frustration, kicking the foot of the tree. Why was I so blind?? My lack of sense in the past had cost me..and now it may mean having to lose the one person that means everything to me..The one person I ever truly have loved..Kim Jaejoong…

Chapter 12- the pain to make you mine. [U/]
I walk up to our unit, and plave my hand on the doorknob..in hale….exhale…..readying myself for the horrorsthat may be on the other side of the door. I put the key in the keyhole, and turn it slowly… There..sitting on the floor is Jaejoong. I walk over quietly and squat next to him. “Jae..I..” But I was cut off, like many times before. “yunho..dont..just leave me alone.” Jae said, his normally bright eyes all blank and dull. “Jae, pleasew don’t be like this.” I said. “BE LIKE WHAT?? IM NOT THE ONE WHO KISSED ANOTHER PERSON!! WOULDN’T YOU “BE LIKE THIS” TOO??” Jae retorted, choking back tears. “Jae..I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me.”- “It doesn’t make a difference.” Jae said, his voice softer. He got up and ran out the door, leaving me in the middle of the silent, empty lounge room. I ran after him and put my arms around his waist. “Please jae..listen to me..I love you.”- I could feel his heart beating, and as a tear drop fell on my arm Jae turned around and spoke. “yunho, Just give me some time alone.”—And that was the last time that I talked to him for what felt like years..
Everyday I felt the worried glances of my bandmates, But always smiled a fake smile of re-assurance…Friday..It was Friday, a whole week without talking to Jae, it was too painful to think about.

Chapter 13- Cant lose you [U/]
It was now Saturday..I needed to talk to Jae, I looked down at y hand and my eyes flickered to the ring. I twqisted it around my middle finger, then pulled it off slowly. Jae walked in. “Jae!!..” My voice sounding more desperate than I felt. “Yunho…whn you kissed her, when you kissed Yilin..were you happy?”—“Jae! I already told you! I only love you, and that will never change..ever.” I held out my hand, with the ring in the middle. “Jae..please..”- Jae started trembling, he opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He tried again. “Yunho..i still love you too..but please, I cant do this right now..”—But at this point, the string that was keeping me sane, keeping em alive, broke in two. “FINE!!” I screamed, throwing the ring to the floor. I ran to the door and opened it got out, then slammed it shut.- I took a few more steps forward and then stopped. A wave of guilt washed over me and tears trickled down. I turned back around and opened the door quietly so that there was a tiny crack in the doorway I could see through. On the other side of the door, Jae was squatting down, and had my ring gripped tightly in his hands. Another wave of guilt washed over me as I saw the crying figure, trembling on the floor.. Jae wasn’t the one who had thrown away the ring that linked us so closely together..I was..Jae was the one who had thrown away our love…I was…

daily DBSK-ing

Heya everyone,
I might not be able to finish my fan-fic for a while as i am busy with tests and shtuffs like that, please dont give up on me! I will try my best to finish and post! gomene!

DBSK fighting!!~

-pandajae

Smile

dbsk fighting!!kyaa!

Volume I of Love me always

I Love you..thats all i wanted to say, all i wanted to tell him was that i loved him, but..well..i couldn't. There is only one word to describe me, a coward..a stupid lonely coward, why can't i just confess!!?

JaeJoong..gosh, even his name sends chills down my spine, how long has it been that i have liked him?..a too long 6 years, wow..6 years of liking a perfect person..All i want to do is hold him close in my arms, and tell him i love him..tell him that he means the whole world to me. But now..theres no hope left...

Chapter 1 : Smile
Im lying here, about to die, the blood is slowly running from my wrist..I start crying, These are my last tears I loved him too much, I loved jae too much, I never really thought of slitting my wrists before, but my heart was already in enough pain to really care.

Chapter 2: I love..
Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin enter the apartment that they all share, exhausted from the days work of dance rehearsal. Yunho had said that he wasnt feeling well and had stayed behind. Changmin plonked onto the couch and started muchingon a pack of lollies, while Yoochun and Junsu snuggled up to eachother on the other couch. Junsu closed his eyes and fell asleep on Yoochuns chest while Yoochun and changmin talked quietly so they wouldnt wake him up...All leaving Jaejoong..alone, so he went up and decided to go see Yunho, afterall, he hadnt seen him all day. Jaejoong opened the door and the light from the hallway poured into the Yunhos room, the he saw something..on the floor, Yunho-

Chapter 3: hurt
"Yunho ah!!!" Jaejoong shouted as he ran to the figure on the floor.-
Yunhos body lay beside the window, the moonlight shone over him, There was blood all over the floor, all over his clothes, and deep cuts in his wrist. "Yunho ah!..please! Wake up!!" Jaejoong felt the tears pour don his cheeks, pulling Yunho closer to him. Footsteps..Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin ran into the room."Oh my god!" Junsu cried, The three of them frozen at the doorway, Junsu clung to Yoochun, changmin quietly sobbing. "CALL AN AMBULANCE" Jaejoong shouted. Yoochun sprinted down the stairs into the living room, his hands fumbling for the phone..Changmin starts crying harder, And junsu hugs him. The thoughts swirled inside Jaejoongs head..Why did Yunho do this to himself?

Chapter 4: In my arms, in my heart
I was in Jaes arms."Jaejoongah.." my voice was weak, as i opened my eyes a little. " Jaejoong..smile for me." i choked out..Jaejoong hesisitated, then smiled behind a curtain of tears. "Yunho ah..why did you do this to yourself??"
-"Jae..you will never understand..I..love you." I slowly closed my eyes, the sound of sirens echoed down the street. "YUNHO!!"..Junsu pulled Jae away from me limp body. "YUNHO.."..Jaejoong buried his face into Junsus shoulder and started crying hysterically, when Yoochun and three other people walked in. I was rushed into ER, Jaejoong with me everystep of the way.
==
I was lying on a hospital bed, someone was leaning on my left arm, i slightly opened my eyes, and saw Jaejoong. His hand was tightly gripped with mine, I smiled..He looked so beautiful..peaceful..I looked down at our tightly linked hands..i squeezed his gently, Jaejoong opened his eyes almost immediately," Yun!!!" Jae grinned and flung himslef into my arms, I laughed and he sat back in his chair. I looked at him, and my eyes wouldn't tear away from him.."What..?" Jaejoong smiled.-"You're so cute when you wake up, like a little baby." I teased.."HEY!! Changmins the baby!" Jae pouted. I sat up, trying not to put pressure on my wrist, jae got up to help me. Then there was a silence, and jae looked at me..I knew what he was thinking and i didnt blame him."Yunho..what happened..Why did you hurt yoursel like this? Its not like you." He looked at me, looking for an answer. I was silent, I was lost for words. Jae took my hand and held it tenderly. "I couldn't survive anymore.." Jaejoong looked at me curiously, as i tried to avoid his gaze. "Jae..I've had a secret for a few years, its the deepest secret ive ever had in my life, Last night i couldnt take it anmore, I'd had enough..All i thought abut was..you." Jaejoong still looked lost, as if i hadn't made it clear enough. "me?..Yunho..if i've done anything wrong..im really sorry. But i dont get wha.."- " Jae, you havent done anything wrong" I quickly corrected. " Remember what i told you last night?" Jaejoong thought back to the night before, the sight of Yunho on the floor, bloodstained clothes, cuts in his wrists, ambulance..then what yunho said..Jaejoong remembered.."You..said that you loved me." He said in a quiet voice. "I said i loved you, and i would say it over and over again, I've loved you for a long six years. Im such a coward, I couldn't confess..Im an idiot. Kim Jaejoong..you dont know how madly in love i am with you, You mean the world to me..Thats why i did wat i did, i couldnt face the pain of your rejection, id rather die." A stream of tears formed instantly, and Jae pulled me close into his arms. "yunho! please don't cry! Dont say such silly thing! Do you know how much pain i would have been if you had gone?..when i saw you on the floor my heart stopped, I was scared Yunho! Dont do that to me ever again. Please!" Jae started to cry too, he pulled me even closer.." I love you Yunho..goddamit..i love you..dont scare me like that again.".. I pulled back from our embrace..what did he just say??"jae..?"
-" Yunho, im being dead serious..im in love with you." I looked down at my wrist and then looked back at him..I would never have done this, if i knew how much pain it would have caused him..never-

Chapter 5: True love
A singletear ran down Jae joongs face, I couldnt help but brush it away. I put my hand behind his neck, he pulled me coser, our lips met..now..my love was returned.. We kissed passionately, and then pulled apart for a breath, our eyes locked and we held eachothers hands tightly..I put my forhead to his.." Smile for me." I whispered.. Jae chuckled.."thats it!"i grinned. I pulled back the bed covers and patted the spot next to me. " Jae got out of his chair and snuggled up to me in the once vacant spot. I wrapped my arms around him. "What time is it?" Jae asked, I reaced for my phone in my back pocket." It is....6 oclock" I announced. "In the morning!?" Jae groaned "Its still dark too!"-
"yeah". Jae laid his head on my chest. I smiled softly and kissed him on the forehead.."Sleep tight Jae.."..A few minutes went by and I was fast asleep too..The sun rising over the city of Seoul, shining its sparkling rays over the sleeping jae, tight in my arms.

-END OF PART 1-