Something's quite wrong with my grandfather today. He's acting weird... I can describe him as the grumpy, tough but nice guy inside kind of grandfather. He's always serious (probably because he's was a soldier).
And then today, when I was about to have lunch, he's seems to be going somewhere. He's wearing an attire that he usually wears when he's going somewhere and stuff.... Then suddenly, he was crying out loud. It was really weird. It's my first time of actually seeing him cry and fall to his knees. Really weird... I never thought to see my grandfather like that. And then he said, "I want to die..."
I know he swears/cuss but he only does that when he's talking about a thing that annoys him, when he's in a bad mood or when you're with a fight with him. He told me to call my parents (I live and grew up with my grandparents) and then I was surprised he was shouting and swearing for no reason at all.
Good thing, my mother went to our house and took my grandfather to the hospital. I guess he's been feeling pain all the time. I'm not really sure if it's his kidneys or his liver but definitely, his alcoholic trait is to blame. My grandmother then came home (from buying something important) and then became very hysterical and fucked up because of my grandfather.
The doctors told my grandfather NOT to drink until he gets diagnosed this week. But I remember he drank again last night.... SO THAT'S WHY. So my grandmother went to the hospital and I'm left here in our house. I'm literally alone so good luck to me... And I did not even ate my lunch. I don't have the mood to eat even though I'm hungry...
When he said the "I want to die" thing really freaked me out. This year, March maybe (1, 2), I did mention that I do fear the death of my grandparents. Because of what my grandfather said, this hysterical thought of mine. I know death is a natural thing but it's making me fucked up as well.
After my graduation (April 7), I heard my grandfather say that he thanks God for being able to celebrate my high school graduation. Now his wish was to live long enough and witness me graduate in college. That made me cry and I'm actually crying now... It's also my wish... That my grandparents are still here to witness and celebrate my college graduation with me that will happen after 3 1/2 years from now on...
I'm going to do my best this second semester...
And please pray for my grandfather to get well soon. I'd really appreciate that.
