After some time of inactivity, I have decided to retire... It's been a fun ride.
I've been a member of this site around February 2010 I think. I never realized I'd be so attached here. Even though I barely talk around with everyone, I'm happy to be have been loved and warmly embraced by the people here. theOtaku is one of the factors that helped me choose the course I'm in right now (Fine Arts). I'm happy to share the love for anime and generally being an otaku which is something I never enjoy much in real life (and I even got bullied for it).
I'm very thankful and I'm actually speechless for this goodbye post I'm doing. I cannot deny the busy college life and the downfall of my mental (and emotional) health these past months. I've always been afraid of this day to come but I know this will happen eventually.
I've been drowning with problems here and there as well and even though I can still think decently, I know I'm near insanity and probably one day I'll decide to do outrageous stuff (like suicide... not likely, but still possibly). I'd like to participate on this year's Secret Santa (as I always do) but I need my Christmas break to think things over and realize more bitter truths of what I might be in the future. I've never been so problematic like this but I know I have to learn how to cope with things by myself. I just hope I won't end up with desperation with all the bad luck I have (confession: I almost got in trouble of getting raped and getting involved in a drug syndicate because of my previous part time job).
Even I can't believe how fucked up my life already is compared to when I started in this site. Somehow, going back here gives me a feeling of relief and safety as if I'm home. It reminds me of how cheerful I was with my dreams back then (I sound like a grandma, sorry~). My old self would probably hate me if she knew my current situation.
When I say I'm attached with this site, I mean it! From simple compliments on my works to random comments and even emotional advice, everyone in this site is my family and I love you all so much. Its sad that some people I used to talk with have deactivated their accounts/no longer active without even saying farewell but as my life go on, I will always carry the good memories I had here. Even if my works aren't that good nor many, I learned a lot and I still apply the lessons even in college.
I hate to go but I have to. I mean, its just easy for me to simply go inactive but at least I want to leave a word to everyone that I'm alright (at least). I feel that its an obligation to let everyone know why I'm no longer online here.
I'm not sure if I can promise that I'll be alright (as I don't see a light of hope yet) still I want to go on. I'm a sentimental person so I assure you guys I won't deactivate. I'm happy to hold a status of Otaku Legend and even though its not special to me anymore, my 3 years here is worth it. I literally can't think of anything more to say.
From the bottom of heart, I owe you guys a million gratitude which I wished I could repay some time in the future. It's been fun and my happiest internet life being here in theOtaku.
Love,
Josephine
