I don't know why. I just felt like it. It should be noted that much of this is based on memory and on my personal feelings in regards to Wufei, so it's probably off. I am currently rewatching the series.
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He stood with his back to the stair rail, arms crossed, the need for a professional appearance having long killed any desire he might have once had to lean against it. Those were arrogant days, when he knew he was better than everyone in the room, in spite of the lack of faith he always had in himself. These days he was still a bit arrogant, but he had long discovered the shortcomings that would forever hold him back.
He would never lead soldiers into battle, should a war ever arise, and he would never again participate in a demolition. He had tried it, once, and as the building crumbled into dust, he saw his lost colony, and any desire he held for demolition crumbled with it. He closed his eyes, and tried to think of something else.
He had discovered his calling, here on this base: to train soldiers. To make them stronger and more able than the soldiers he had once fought in his youth. They had all been so pathetic, so weak. His men would not be so pitiful. They would be a force to be reckoned with, or he would grind their asses into the dust, himself. He would see to it that they never laid eyes on a mobile suit, if they did not live up to his expectations.
He took a deep breath, clearing his mind as he exhaled, releasing the muddled emotions that cropped up with the memories into the cool September breeze. And then her face appeared in his mind, her young voice carrying on about justice and war to him. Really, now, he thought, I'm an adult. A soldier. I should be over her. I have served her Justice and I have fought her war. What more can I do? ... Meiran. He started walking. Maybe a good walk would help.
It had been more than fifteen years since Operation Meteor, and the last he had heard, Duo and Hilde had three children, Catherine was trying to set Trowa up with a wife, Quatre had an untold number of children (like father like son, but the real question was whether any of those children were born naturally...Quatre had never said.), and Heero.... They had never thought he would do it - Duo and Wufei had always agreed that Heero would never be able to switch off long enough to do it - but he did it. Near the end of a lecture tour on Earth, Ambassador Yuy had asked for the hand of Relena Peacecraft in marriage, over a fine private dinner beneath the brilliance of space.
Wufei had simply never bothered with the idea. Quatre had asked him about it, once, and he had simply replied that he had already been married once. He wasn't interested in doing it again.
Was he abstaining for his sake or hers? Was it because he didn't want to face the possibility of another Meiran, or because he didn't want to insult her memory? She would probably slap me for that, he thought, I suppose ... she'd ... want me to move on....
It was then, as he came within sight of the air field, that the truth hit him: He was still living for Meiran. For Nataku, as she had so brazenly called herself. Talk about not being able to switch off! Had he really still been acting in accordance with her dreams? When he was young, he had fought to put an end to war. To bring peace to the colonies. He had only, ever done it because of her. Deep down, it was still about Nataku. He had even called his Gundam Nataku, as though her spirit lived on in it. He would never have set foot in a mobile suit, let alone a Gundam, if not for her.
So was he drilling these soldiers for his own purposes, or was he doing it for her justice? Suddenly, he wasn't so sure. The only thing he was sure of, was that as long as they were under him, they would not go into battle so feeble as the men he had once slaughtered in droves.
As he found himself walking among the towering forms of mobile suits, he wondered, for the first time in his life, about where his future was going. Was this really what he wanted out of life? Did it matter what he wanted? He was where he needed to be. Wasn't that enough? Where would he go, and what would he do, if not here, doing this? Duo still carried out stealth operations, as a Preventer, upholding the peace of the colonies by cutting down trouble at its origin. Quatre governed a colony, and Trowa was a high ranking officer. The perfect soldier, everyone said. An ideal spy, according to Wufei - the perfect soldier would always be Heero.
Wufei paused, gazing up at the line of new models as they were prepped for transport to the colonies. Every now and again, a group of renegades sprang up, and for this, the suits were still considered necessary, particularly for space combat. These days, he felt more like a cop than a soldier. Duo had expressed similar feelings. Trowa was stalwart and simple. An officer of Preventer. Some things never changed.
Speaking of things that never changed. He caught his own reflection, distorted across the gleaming metal foot of a suit. There had been a really nice woman who had spoken to him a while back, and he had brushed her off. What was her name? She was a good soldier, but that was all he remembered. He made up his mind to go find her. He was needed here, and he was doing just what he did best, just like the others. At the very least, he could afford to change up his routine a little.
