Why don't I read anymore? Why do I not want to? I ask myself these damning questions on a daily basis, but I just can't find the answer. Maybe it's because reading is too emotionally taxing. Or maybe it's because I feel like I'm behind in my reading abilities and have too low self-esteem to catch up. I want to read and get new ideas and learn new things, but I just don't feel like I have the energy. I think the real reason why I don't like to read anymore is because I don't want to read and learn the wrong things. What if I read an outdated science book? Or a fantasy book telling me that racism is okay? What if I read something that changes my views when I'm confused enough as it is? Life is frickin' hard, man, why do I need this extra befuddlement? Hell, I don't know... I just don't feel like I can find anything good to read. It's all predictable or I know it already. When am I gonna' find something new, you know? I guess. I don't know.
I've posted a story on the creepypasta wiki. It wasn't very good, but I didn't feel like putting all of my time into it. Which is definitely NOT what a writer does. But I don't put much time into anything I do. I write poems on the fly, my stories I come up with as I write them. Otherwise I get tired of them and then I get super into it and intricate, and all for what? Not even one view? I guess that's why I have to love my work, though. Refine it to a sharp point and then show the world what I'm made of.
I'm working on a story I came up with years ago right now. I really want to put all of my time and effort into it, but then... I know it sounds funny, but I get lost in what the work is really about. I lose track of the meaning and move on to other things. UGH I just can't focus at all. No focus here. It doesn't exist.
I am totally unsatisfied.