Well, I know for sure that guy I like is homosexual now. Oh well. What are you gonna' do? Ya' know?
And then this other guy I like is homosexual as well. I knew I was attracted to homosexual males, I just didn't know how accurate that statement was.
I don't even know what i identify as sometimes. I hate being female, but females look pretty, so I want to look pretty, so I'll dress female, but... what does it feel like to identify as female? I don't know. I just like to look pretty.
I went and talked with someone who is transgender and someone who is gender neutral. I don't think the person who is gender neutral likes me very much, but the transgender guy talked with me about how I felt about being female. He's cool. I told him I didn't know if I don't like being associated with females because of stereotypes placed on them by society, or because I really don't like being female. I don't know what gender dysphoria feels like. Sometimes I feel weird being called a male, though. So maybe I am gender neutral? Garsh, I have no idea. But I like to wear suits and things and look casual too, ya' know? Like, if I could pull off the dude look, I would do it. And maybe I can if I cut my hair short and didn't wear dresses. That would be nice. I just think I look pretty wearing whatever I like.
Ugh, this is so confusing. I don't like to be associated with females because I don't like being labeled, and never have. But I like the male confidence, and the air males give off. Like... I don't know if I like portraying myself as a sexual female. I don't lie being sexualized as a female. That's it. That's the weird feeling I get in my stomach whenever I think of myself as a sexual female. I remember I was appalled whenever I figured out what girls did during sex. I didn't want that. I just... maybe I do identify as male. Or maybe I'm gender fluid? Aghhhhhhhh! Confusion. I don't know.
I'm going to do homework.