Man I was having an okay day. I woke up late because my class was cancelled, and then went to my other class and to work. Our work has five shifts a day, and they're each an hour and two quarters long. So I worked the fourth, and I was going to work the fifth but while we were just sitting around at the shop before we went to clean campus I felt bad. So I shrugged it off, and then I thought, "I don't want to work." So I wondered why, and I paid attention to my thoughts and my body and I found I was having a panic attack. Which is strange. Because besides the fact that I was interacting with my boss whom I love, there was really no reason.
This is about the fourth time this has happened. The first time was when I was playing video games and I just got embarrassed that I would lose or something ridiculous and small like that, and I had a pretty major one. The second time... I was interacting with some friends and had to go to my room to calm down. The third time I was at work and everybody was being really loud, and while that usually doesn't bother me I got upset. And then today. Whenever I get like that I can't do anything but take a breather or else it keeps getting worse.
Damn. I don't know what to do. My head kind of hurts now. What really bothers me is that my boss just sees me as another worker. Not a person or anything. I'm just... this ignorant little person. Stupid stupid dumb. I'm just tired now. I feel drained. I wish I didn't have panic attacks over dumb things. Why can't I freak out over, like... I don't know, when my nanny died before Christmas break, why didn't I freak out then? That's reasonable. That's normal. But no. I just freak out over... I don't even know. I'm afraid I might be developing a panic disorder.
Anyways, yesterday was awesome, today kind of sucked. The End.