Ugh. Yes, "Ugh." I don't actually know if I still depersonalize any more. I was researching and realized I don't dissociate, I depersonalize. But whatever. I know I did when I was a kid. But, now... I'm not too sure. I mean, sure, I don't always react to upsetting stimuli. I don't realize that I'm supposed to be upset. Which, I know, is a strange way to put things. But... I don't exactly react to my environment unless prompted. Like, unless somebody tells me to be sad at an event, I am indifferent to it. Sure, some events I've learned to be sad to. Mostly I empathize with pain.
Okay, so maybe I don't always need to be prompted. But a lot of times... I feel like... or maybe I don't feel. I just won't react unless it's been cued. And then I treat those cued emotions as if they are real. If you tell me that something is important and why that something is important, only then will I pay attention. Otherwise I think it's pointless. And I have to constantly believe in its importance or I'll stop caring.
I mean, sure, maybe it is sever depression. But maybe it's not. I constantly forget things, I don't react unless told in almost any situation.... Gods, I don't know. I used to tell people that I felt really old. Just mentally exhausted.
I don't even know. I'm just confused. Is it severe depression? Is it depersonalization disorder? Who knows! Maybe I'm growing out of depersonalization. Is that a thing? Gods.
Whatever I'm out.