I push people away. I just... I don't know. I'm so distressed all of the time. I just lost another roommate, proving that, yes, I am the problem when it comes to having roommates. I'm high maintenance and just.... god. I want to just... I don't know. My friend and current roommate was getting stressed out because of me, and annoyed because of me I know, and she told me that we shouldn't live together, and I agreed. I knew it was a bad idea from the start. But, god, it just hurts. I can't have anybody because I push them away. Because I get angry and scared and confused. I was getting annoyed with her because we didn't interact much, and I knew she didn't like me very much because I am not a fun roommate. I sit around, being bitter and angry and sad. God. I can't have a roommate because I can't figure myself out. I can't do this. I'm so fucking frustrated. And she was worried about me constantly, and told me that she can't have that kind of stress in her life. How in the fuck am I going to make it through college? If she can't deal with the stress of my life, how can I? This is so terrible. This is my fourth roommate.
I need to be in a hospital. That's it. I just need to be monitored and medicated 24/7 and just... coddled. Because I'm so fucked up. Like, when we didn't live together, she just saw that I was funny and fun and kind of wacky. But now she sees that I'm these things because I get upset and then that's how I release my stress. And it's violent. I'm a very angry person. I just. I hate this. I hate it. I hate myself and I hate my life. This is so dumb.