Ok my day for sure hasn't been one of my best. I mean really, I wake up from that damn nightmare that really did happen, I go outside to recharge myself only to have Hoom run away from me, I beat the living shit out of Badrak and lose control of myself because of my anger, Lupe comes to me and god only knows why she was screaming running away from me, and now I am even more angry than I was before. Damn this just isn't my day and I seriously am getting pissed about it.
Chii chased after Lupe because I didn't advise it but he did anyway, and Sparks just left for no apparent reason so I was left at the lake by myself...or so I thought. I could smell her coming close and my ears twitched, it was Hoom. Apparently she didn't think I knew she was coming so I played it off and stood there watching Sparks leave.
"How long have you been there?" I asked as she hid behind a tree. I guess that was close enough for her to hide and be able to hear me. I didn't turn to her but I could hear her walking up very slowly. I couldn't face her not yet.
"Ummm....should we sit down somewhere?" She asked as I kept my back to her. Her fear was already being shown and the smell of it was filling the air. I just sat in my place waiting for her to take her seat.
“Are you here to tell me that what I did was wrong? Is that it? He deserved
it…" One reason I started the conversation like that because I knew Badrak was going to confront her regardless of what I told him. He probably already showed her what he read in my mind and she has made a decision. Everything still felt so wrong and so cold, and from that I shook my fist.
“Actually, that wasn’t the reason…” I turned to her as she looked at the ground. She than caught my eyes and I knew she could see how cold they were and how much anger was in them. She probably was afraid of me. “First, I’m sorry about this morning, I wasn’t sure of what to say and still feel like that; I also feel hurt and can’t deny it, however what is done is done, I guess I’m not aware of the full situation but still it was a fact...”
I needed to tell her but she again put her finger on my lips to keep me from talking. What the heck? Why do women always do this to me? Seriously....D<
“Just listen… Since the day I met you I was afraid of hugging you, when I hugged you I was afraid of kiss you, then when I kissed you I was afraid of loving you and now that I love you….I’m afraid of losing you…I don’t want to be anyone’s second option either so if that means that we need to separate then...”
She stopped and I felt the urge to quickly grab her shoulders. I did just that with my stupid impulse. Why? Hell if I know. She was struggling on the inside I could see that. Hoom was different from any girl I dated. She was the first person in a long time that I truly cared about other than myself. Over the past years, I dated many gijinka women who had nice asses, big boobs, money, good looks, and so forth. I only used them to get some food or some attention. I never once felt attached to them and how they treated me, they only liked me because I was good looking or strong. That was all they saw, but I wanted more. Hoom saw me differently and even teased me, but I gave it right back. Honestly, she was the first real woman I had loved.
"Hoom..." She was trembling and I couldn't bare to watch her in pain anymore. "Do you remember in that strange Twilight World when I was blacked out?" She needed to know the truth behind Estelle and I.
She didn't answer but gave me a nod and continued to watch me. I let my grip of my hands go on her shoulders and rubbed my eyes. This was certainly was going to be difficult, but she deserved to know. Giving a sigh and looking back at her with softer eyes I told her. "That being awoke my dormant memories from my past. I remember so much from when I was a child...so damn much. Team Galactic had made those memories dormant and now I know why. There have been awkwards moments between Estelle and I. Even a goddes gijinka told us we had a past and yet I didn't believe her. But everything has come clearer to me since that being who took us into another world. And what I am about to tell you probably will break your heart."
"Just tell me Lux." She softly replied. She was holding her skirt very tight in the grips of her hands and probably was expecting the worse.
"Estelle was my first love when I was a child." I sighed looking to the side towards the lake. She didn't say anything nor did I. A few moments had past and I turned my attention to her once again. She looked a bit surprised and yet I could see how hurt she was.
"Hoom...how can I say this?" A smile came to my face thinking back on my time with Hoom was wonderful. "Hoom, you really are a superb Houndoom. You are a fantastic older sister and I know someday you will live a fulfilled life. You are so young and have so much more to live for. I envy you, you have a brother who you can rely on everyday. He is so protective of you...you really are blessed to have someone as special as him."
I had to stop...my heart i my chest began to beat faster than ever.
"Now you have even more people you can rely on like Lupe, Kat, Poochy, Badrak, Luis, or Lee for that matter. When you gave Luis the tour of the house, I'll admit I was jealous. The way you spend time with Badrak bothered me too and whats worse is I smell the scent of Lee all over you. I hate it! I hate it so much..." She quickly looked at me with big eyes unsure what my next move would be. I just needed to clam down. "Hoom I get jealous of you for sure because growing up, since I was 7, I never had anyone tell me they loved me, never had any friends nor support and you have all that. I missed that lesson growing up and that is why I am a loner."
A sick feeling grew within my stomach. Something that man from that dark world said to me bothered me but what makes it worse is he was right. I was going to hurt both of them no matter what. As a child, I was the one always getting hurt, but as I grew from my childhood years to my young adulthood I matured and grew stronger and hurting someone else was something I didn't want to do.
"You don't realize how much you got going on for you." I let out another sigh and looked her in the eyes with a slight smile. "You are surrounded by so many wonderful people that I think it is best that I am not a part of it anymore. Besides, I don't wish to be a burden on you or the rest of your family. You are much happier with Lee or for that matter any of the other guys. So, I apologize to you Hoom...that I couldn't fulfill your expectations as the guy you wanted me to be for you."
I slowly got up and noticed that she looked down. Nothing was going to be okay after this and my heart was breaking as I spoke. Having Hoom with someone else would be better for her and besides Hon...he didn't really care for me and I knew it. He'd fake a smile or something. I never knew what friendships were until I came to this mansion, and meeting Hoom I never knew what love was. She was everything I ever wanted in a woman, smart, witty, funny, outgoing, beautiful and yes powerful. It's hard to imagine my life without her now, I even desired a future with her, but at the cost of what? hurting her? I can't do that again. If you love something you need to let it go sometimes.
I leaned in close to her and kissed her forehead gently. "I want you to know, if you believe me or not, I love you Hoom no matter what. You will always be my number one." She bit her lip. I knew she was holding back tears and couldn't respond to me. God I am such a jerk. "Again....I'm sorry I couldn't live up to what you wanted me to be. I can never forgive myself for hurting you than or even now so I am so sorry Hoom. But it is best that we just remain as friends..."
I walked off into the forest leaving her there sitting on the ground by herself. As I walked off, I could hear a scream from her and the loud crying off in the distance. I lifted my hand to my face and continue to walk off into the distance and I cried as well...
-END-
T^T Poor Hoom and Lux.....maybe something will work out?....*cries and sniffles*
Someone can continue...
