Running away from the others, I was terrified of myself. I was a monster. The feeling of guilt & depression mixed together was unbearable. Like, yeah I didn't recall my past for some time. When I was a buneary, I thought of my past something like being happy with parents, friends, and cinnamon buns. Now these horrid memories want to come out of no where, all of a sudden, and tell me that I had no parents but I was created, I had no friends but Team Galactic as an ally, and the only craving I had was not for cinnamon buns but for the blood of pokemon and humans pouring through my fingers. I might have even killed.... Lux's family... damn. This sure was some shit. Deep shit. How am I supposed to tell the others? Or anyone in that case! Will they eventually find out? The thought of the club hating me plopped into my head, with pitchforks, swords, salami sticks and everything. I can't face that! I just met these people not too long ago.
The thoughts of the gijinkas' hatred towards me if they found out brought tears into my eyes. If I had killed Lux's family, I must have killed and captured many more of the gijinka family and friends. Oh good lord.... I covered my eyes with my hands as the tears began to pour. "Lux...” I whispered, sobbing. "If you knew. If you knew who killed your family... I'm... I'm so sorry... I.... OH GOD!!" I collapsed my head into my knees and started to sob like I had NEVER sobbed before. This pain in my heart... it was just too much.
"Lupe?" A voice called out from below. I plopped my head up. Shit, someone was here! Did they hear what I said?? Oh crap! I looked down to see who wanted my attention. I couldn't really see from my blurry, teary eyes. I narrowed my eyes at the blue blob for a clearer vision. Blue hair... Yellow drop earrings... yellow glasses... no goggles. Chii! It was Chii!
"Lupe?? Are you here?" He called out. He looked up and I quickly leaned my head against a branch so he wouldn't see me. I didn't want him to see me crying. No, not again! I rubbed my eyes and slapped my cheeks a few times. "C'mon Lupe, look okay. Look okay!"
"Lupe?? Are you up there??" Chii questioned, looking up. I looked down at him and chuckled a bit nervously. "Hey Chii, What's up?" Smiling, I jumped down the tall tree and landed on my feet. Chii was type wet and he had a serious look on his face.
"Hey um, what's with the serious face? You look better when you’re not so serious", I winked at him sexually. He still had on that serious look. I got uneasy so I blushed a little.
"Lupe, what was all that about back there?"
I swished my ears to the side and looked down. What was I going to tell him?
"Ano... SOME OF HIS BOOGERS GOT ON MY HAND! Yeah! When I was shoving my fist into the baka's nose, he sent the booger force flying and it got on my hand, ya see? He-he, I think some into my eye as well, that's why I was rubbing them when I was running. Can you check for me? I think it went a little to the side..." I pulled the lids of my eye and got closer to him for him to see the imaginary booger that poisoned my eye. I even twitched my eye a little for a little extra bonus in my lie. I pointed to my eye. "You see, my eye is black so you should able to see that green thi--"
Chii suddenly grabbed my hand that I was pointing with and held it with compassion. I let go of my lid as he looked into my eyes. Damn, by the look of it, he sure wasn't buying it.
"Lupe, you sure are a funny girl, but there are times when you should be serious about things, darling." I sighed and frowned. "Your right..." Chii smiled a bit and sat me down under the tree. He sat beside me. He was about to say something but I interrupted him.
"Chii, I'm fine really."
"No your not. You don't have to lie to me. I know all", He winked. I sarcastically grinned towards him.
"Yeah right. So what's wrong with me, Mr. Know-It-All?"
Chii placed his hands behind his head and leaned against the bark of the tree. "For one thing, something is sure bothering you and you’re hiding it." Damn, right on the nail! Damn you Chii and your yoga-doing, mind-reading ways!!
"Okay..." I admitted. "Let's go with that. So...... let's say this thing that's bothering me.... was bad deeds."
"What do you mean by 'bad' deeds?"
I sighed. "Like horrible things. What if I've done... horrible things?"
Chii raised an eyebrow. "To other people?" I nodded. "Well... other people were involved..."
"What are you saying, Lupe?" Chii sat up and looked me into the eyes. I looked away from them, narrowing my eye at a crawling caterpillar that was in front of me.
"What if... these horrible deeds dealt with me and other people that are in the club...? What if it had to deal with their separation from their families? And what if it was so horrible you just couldn't tell anyone. Not even the one you care for the most..." I looked up to him with tears pouring. "Something so fucking dreadful you cannot tell anyone at all?! Huh?! What would do in that predicament??? Where you’re afraid that the ones you love to most will hate you forever???? Have you ever felt that way?! Ever in your life?!?! Have you ever felt pain?! Regret?! Maybe even heartbreak?! Would you be afraid they will leave you all alone in the end?! Have you ever been lonely?!?! Tell me this, have you ever killed someone before?!?!"
Chii grasped my shoulders, stopping me from my speech and pulled me close to him. He was... hugging me. I heard the beat of his heart, fast but soothing. It calmed me down, definitely. He squeezed me harder and harder. "Yes, I felt your pain, well some at least. I felt pain. I felt regret. I've been lonely. Everyone left me. The person that I loved and trusted left me as well; he didn't even tell me where he left to or a goodbye. I was left to suffer a thunderstorm with tsunamis and everything. I came across sharpedo gijinka and got beat up and bullied. I had no one... I hated it so much. The fact that they all left me. You shouldn't leave someone you love... and I would never even DARE to leave you, Lupe."
Chii... he really cared. For someone like me. My heart matched the rhythm of his fast beat. My face flushed red. This feeling when I'm with him... I loved it. I held him as well, leaning my head on his shoulder. We stayed in that position for a while until I stopped crying.
"Thank you Chii... *hiccup* Thank you."
"Your welcome, darling. Lupe I--"
...... Maybe if I tell him... he might understand, I mused.
"Chii?" I got him off of me and faced him. I didn't keep my distance though. I loved being so close to him. I brought my face in closer to his.
"Um, yes Lupe?" He blushed a little because our noses were touching. I began to ball my palm into a fist.
"I got a secret..." I bit my lip look into his beautiful golden eyes. He smiled comfortably.
"What is it, sweetheart?"
I gestured him to come closer and he did so. My lips went close to his ear.
"I killed people... and gijinka."
________________________________________
Damn, this writer's block.
I wasn't very good at detail with this one. D,:
Ah well~! ^^
Continue?
-Lupe
