.:Mear:.
My mind was blank. I couldn’t think of anything that could improve the house, and the ideas I had given out at the meeting, there was nothing. Nothing was impossible, but things were possible. Breaking this artist’s block, if that’s what I had and it surely seemed like that was possible in itself, would be hell itself. My focus couldn’t come into view, and neither could the reason of being here in this confined mansion. Where was my view in this world? I questioned myself many times of this subject, but only a few reasons came to mind. One was… the Smeargle family I had grown up in. Another was Shupple. She was here with me, always trying to help, and that always made me give a small smile. I smiled in these thoughts itself for thinking such.
But I couldn’t find my focus, my reason for drawing. It had disappeared as if almost instantly when dinner had come upon us and it was when we had to meet those new Gijinka. I was nervous to meet those new Gijinka, but not even in that moment could I focus on what was my mind’s game this whole time. Drawing. The will to draw escaped me… and yet, was Shupple too? She had spent every time, helping me through this, and yet, was I slipping away from here? I never really heard her half the time anymore, sewn into my own thoughts.
I looked at my sketchpad below my palms and raised my pencil once more but wasn’t even able to put the tip of lead onto it. I couldn’t come up with anything. Not an item in sight. Didn’t I hear once in my life that if a Smeargle such as me got writer’s block, we had to return to the origin of where we first learned to draw? Or was it our colony? Maybe that was where I had to go… I was confused. Blank. Empty. I needed to go, but what would I say to Shupple?
I sighed and leaned back in my chair before I grabbed a piece of parchment from the inside of my desk, it thin and crispy, yet smooth and delicate. I grabbed a pen and smoothly wrote on it, and once I finished the note, I slipped it inside a big, brown envelope, then stared at the sketches before me as I scanned over each one of which was good and not. They were descriptive and had small notes on the side. Would Shupple understand them? I hoped she would… but what would happen after I left? This exquisite house of my very own design made my fingers itch to draw, but not now. They didn’t itch with anticipation as they used to. I needed to find my focus again. Was I lost? No, I couldn’t be… could I?
I tucked carefully my drawings of the buildings and the wall repair inside the brown envelope and made sure the note was still there. Shupple needed to know that I was leaving, even if I didn’t want to. I don’t think I wanted to leave her, but I needed to. I couldn’t find myself. I almost went every single night looking for myself. I couldn’t let this be, because this all would probably be of waste if I didn’t even do one thing. I needed to complete the picture with my focus in it, not with an empty canvas, painting it multiple times to get it right.
I tied up the envelope and wrote Shupple’s name on it in paint, my normal red insignia being on it. I gathered my sketchbook and gathered a few of my things, including the paints I had gotten from Shupple, and put them all together in a bag. I swung it over my shoulder, tucked my hat on my head, and just as it was getting to noon, I headed out of my room, the footsteps being heavy as I walked through the halls that I painted myself and drew onto canvas. I moved myself down to the second floor, where the quiet of sleeping Gijinka were about in the rooms. Nobody was there as I walked silently over to Shupple’s door and almost opened it, when I realized if I did that, she would wake up. My heart pounded in my ears and blood pounded in my fingers as I lay the package against her door. I didn’t want to leave. Not now. Did I really have to? Leave Shupple and this life behind? I may be a traveler, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t possible for me to stay in one place. Or was it impossible? I wanted to return here, to Shupple, after I left, but would it be possible? It had to be possible… or was it improbable? No. It had to be possible for me to return one day. One day…
I almost fell over as I stood up and stumbled outside her door as I tried to walk out of the vicinity of the house, away from Shupple. It hurt me to leave, but I had to. Needed to. Had to. Demanded to find myself again. Determined to find my focus. But reluctant to leave.
I was only able to walk down the stairs and to the back door and the outside air in the sunlight until I slight encounter came upon me. It was a Luxray, standing in the shadows of the mansion, with his eyes completely closed. I could tell he wasn’t asleep. Just merely thinking. Black hair, a demeanor of Lux almost slightly about him. In many ways, he could’ve been Lux’s brother. But I had heard about him from the fight. His name was… Xio?
I moved slightly, trying to not disturb him, but that wasn’t on his thoughts.
“Where are you going?” Xio asked, his eyelids opening to look at me as he straightened up in the shadows, his eyes pure red. Like Shupple’s. The more and more I thought about her, I was almost prodded not to leave but I stopped myself.
“J-Just heading out,” I stuttered for some unknown reason. It was very peculiar that I was stuttering now of all times. Why is that so…
“Doesn’t seem like it to me,” Xio advanced and I stood my ground. We were the same height, almost.
“What do you mean?” I straightened out my voice, wanting to get on with the conversation. It needed to end.
“Seems like you’re leaving… permanently. Say… do you know a Banette?” Xio asked and I held my ground as much as I could. This man startled me, yes, and there were many reasons of why I should be afraid, but at the moment, I wasn’t.
“Yes…” I left off, unsure what to say.
----------
There is Mear for you ^_^;;; This was depressing to make...
Continue?
~Anime-chan
