Divorce-proofing is a set of practical steps
Which could strengthen your make your soon-to-be ex husband or wife think twice before making the break.
Some people think that legal divorce is easy to get and cheap to do. Others think that it is hard to get and costly to do. In my experience, almost all of the population falls into the second category. To help people who don’t know where to start, I prepared this basic outline for preparing a divorce yourself.
I keep seeing essays on how to prepare for your own divorce. I disagree with the majority of them.
I’m working on a divorce. It is not amicable, but neither am I. This is a very bad situation and I hope to save the marriage, but unless I do something it will go bad worse. From bitter experience I know that it’s the preliminary period that counts. If you hope to save your marriage, you’ve got to give the process of defeatism and separation enough time to fester until the bitterness can be rationally denied no more.
Preparation for divorce can be as important as the divorce itself. If done correctly it can make the process smoother and easier from the point of view of all parties involved. This means more time can be spent on talking about the issues involved, rather than having to carry out mundane tasks and paperwork.
Just as you should have a financial plan to protect your future, you need to have a plan before getting divorced. The reason is the same, your assets and income must be secured for your legal and biological children.
Divorce, like death and taxes, is inevitable in some measure. How you deal with it will shape you as a person. You don’t need me to tell you this. It’s obvious. You just want some tips on how to handle the situation.
Divorce involves many legal processes
It’s not ordinary of me to write here about divorce. I’ll start instead by explaining why I wrote the essay below. It’s because, although many of the tech news sites discuss and even recommend computer-based legal and tax preparation software of this trend for low cost divorce online.
As I prepared to start divorce mediation training (the same kind of course that my parents took, which taught them how to survive a divorce), I began to wonder what advice might be useful for someone preparing for a poly relationship. I wrote a short list of things to think about before getting into such a relationship…
If you have decided to get divorced, there is no reason to drag the process out. It’s not like filling out your tax returns, where you can be pretty sure most of what you write down will be examined and maybe even questioned by a tax authority that knows what it’s doing. In divorce proceedings, the courts usually don’t know much about family life or financial affairs; they seldom care who was at fault and the only important thing to them is that you settle things. So if you are
Divorce involves many legal processes and dealing with people from a variety of fields. This article presents some tips for those who are facing divorce.
Divorce involves a deep emotional pain and a lot of practical considerations that you must deal with. It is very important to have a solid emotional support, but just as important to know how to deal with the day-to-day practicalities of divorce.
Divorce, an intentional termination of marriage, is difficult to plan because it means bringing to an end a long relationship that has probably been full of unhappiness, lies, and misery. To protect yourself and your children during divorce, you need to understand the legal and financial reality that divorce can cost you everything you have worked for during your entire marriage.
When I was young, divorce was shocking. It still is, but only if you are entering into a marriage with any expectations of permanence. If you don’t expect it to last forever, and in fact plan on it ending soon, then it’s no big deal. The main adjustment needed is that any savings are split down the middle, not just a portion allotted to one or assigned to the other.
Divorce is a fait accompli
Having arrived at the decision to divorce, you are understandably preoccupied with myriad important things to do and decisions to be made. One of the first things to do is review your legal papers with your attorney and then begin putting together everything you’ll need ahead of time. This will include preparing all paperwork necessary for filing anything in court, including divorce petitions, separation agreements and orders of protection for yourself and your children.
Preparing for divorce can be very difficult. Even if you know that circumstances are bad, and things aren’t going to work out, but the actual decision to leave is a shock in itself. If you don’t prepare well it can have devastating effects on all your family’s lives, and potentially make things far worse than if you hadn’t divorced in the first place
Divorce is a fait accompli, not a decision. It’s the outcome of a chain of events starting with a change in perspective and ending with an abandonment of hope. That’s why divorce brings such relief when it finally arrives—you’ve been holding your breath for months or even years, and now you can relax and exhale.
Divorce is a process, rather than an event. It’s not a point in time but a gradual change: “all sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story.”
Anybody considering divorce should accept that it will be one of the most challenging and difficult times of your life. Divorce is also probably the most emotional and least sensible thing you can do unless you really have no alternative.
Divorce is difficult and stressful and it’s particularly hard if there are children. So obviously you need to prepare for a divorce. The trouble is, you can’t know what to expect. Divorce law varies widely from state to state in the US and apparently from country to country around the world. And even if you know the basic rules, they might change when you’re dealing with your actual breakup.
Divorce can cost $35K or more, and if your income is in a business partnership, it’s time to get an accountant. Unless you decide what to do with your assets during the marriage, the courts may decide for you at divorce time. Don’t be caught by surprise.
