i'm a person with such an unbelieveable conflicted nature:
over my life i've suffered loneliness from having less than 5 friends throughout my entire life
but at some point i started to care less
and less
and less
and now i'm a loner who would rather have contact with my pets than with people
a loner who has asperger's who ever so slightly sometimes might want human friendship
but who's shyness and quiet nature prevent that from happening
with emotional damage from loss several times but was never offered counseling or therapy [earliest loss was suffered at 12 or so]
from bein called names and spanking so no self esteem
my sister and brother who fight worse than cats and dogs these parents of mine who still argue even after divorce so i hate loud noise
add on a lack of physical parental nurturing [i.e. hugs]
and i am unaccustomed to being touched and just about dislikes being touched
back to the shyness and quiet nature
i don't think i ever have blushed i don't lol LMAO or even laugh in public hardly at all
i was tickled in public and was embarassed
i lol'd in public and was embarassed
i hated it when both happened cause my reputation and image were obliterated
i don't like showing emotions
so i strive to keep them locked up
i cried in school twice
when i watched tuesdays with morrie
it sparked a flashback to the day my grandmother suddenly died the one memory that i have of that day was her in the casket and all the sadness came rushing back
then when i was taking my final exam in algebra
i was worried that i'd fail it fail algebra not graduate
i was already failing algebra anyway [with my serious math learning disability]
put all this with what other stuff i've said in INS and OUTS and you have me
my fanfic is made of truths modified truths and fiction
much about rfg18 and me; since that is my character are the same
