well, i've cried my eyes out, talked to my ex-girlfriend that's my best friend
why
well my Dad died....
i've cried and mourned for a two hours maybe idunno
i lost track of time
i kept thinking he'd turn his head and then he'd be likw "hey baby"
but it didnt happen
and i really really surprised myself with my thought process...it was ya know
kind different then how i usually think
it was just kinda rejecting reality, clingy sorta way of thinking
i just wanted to be alone talk to someone else that wasnt my family
(but right now im really close to telling mmy dad's side of the family off. they yelled at my mom, said really mean things to her. I GET IT THAT YOU HATE MY MOM, BUT YOU SHOULD BE TALKING ALL THIS SHIT LIKE "OHH HE DIED ALONE" or "OH YOUR HEARTLESS" NO! you call yourselves my dad's family I GET IT YOUR PISSED OFF BUT SERIOUSLY wouldn't my dad want it for you not to fight. but to be able to talk it over and put his body to rest. i mean really, i'd think that he would want that. not to look down and see people not together and making arguments over stupid shit like if you loved him or not. JUST PUT HIS BODY TO REST! anyfights you had over some thoughts you thought about the other person should now be put to rest along with his body.)
but i've mourned...i know tonight i'll probably be expecting a text from him saying "hi baby"
or a "good night baby. daddy loves you"
...and right now im tearing up. but all i really wanna say is that i'll miss him...even though i never really made alot of attempts to spend time with him like i should have. and i wish i did. but i can't change it or really dwell on it.
i've gotta look forward and make him happy. because my family said he loved it that i wanted to go to college and make something of myself....
so i'm going to make him happy
....
....
....
i'm done posting what's going on in my head.
if you read this thanks for reading my little rambles
