then I dedcided to leave, I didn't want to hang out much, and make him think that I wanted to be with him. I needed to stop thinking about him. It wasn't right. I hate people, why do I care to be with him? There was something funny of him I think it's his gorilla nose. I sat back down on the couch where I went to sleep. I watched everyone as they got up, and see what they where doing. Jimmy went to the kitchen and was waiting for a breakfast from Rick. Through all I've seen, I couldn't help but to feel really sad right now. I've seen so many people seem so happy, and close friends. They aren't afraid to be themselves. How could someone such as Rick be so confortable in his skin, he's always helping his friends, having a cocky attitude. It made no sense. I hated him at this moment, to be so kind and loved by his friends. I mean face it, I meant nothing to my friends, thet would be just as well off without me. I let out a small sigh and contiued to sit there as everyone finshes getting up. Shortly after everyone got up, Jimmy, Rick, and Sebastain came into the room with a huge breakfast for the three of them. Rick and Jimmy sat on the couch across from me, much to my disapointment. Then Sebastain sat down next to me, he had his normal really happy look on his face, like nothing could ever bring him down. He looked at me with a warm, friendly smile offering me some of his food. I shook my head and tried to ignore him. Knowing what evil he had in store for me, I wouldn't let that smile get the best of me, I knew he wasn't as kind as he wanted me to think he was. I sighed again and watched Rick who was constantly talkig with Jimmy, who didn't seem to want to shut up. It was new conversation after the other. I missed the silence I once lived in, when I was on tour bus with Sarah and Jack. I looked at the calender on my phone and kept coounting the days til this month would be over. What a great day that will be, though I had this feeling that this month will always stay in me, like I couldn't block it out like I wanted to. So manythings just wont be forgotten. I sighed again, and I couldn't help but to notice after I did Rick looked at me. I guess I was bothering him, so I decided to go. Besides it would be nice to have some a lone time. Rick looked at me and asked if I was ok. I just shurgged my shoulders, shocked someone would even ask. I hated this, he seems to get me. I didn't want to be read by a stranger. But I guess what Jack is always telling me is true, I wear my emtions on my sleeves. I contuied on my way to my bedroom, not speaking to Rick at all. I could hear Sebastains voice right behind me saying that I needed to cheer up. As I torned around to look at him, he gave me a big huge, squeezing me tight. I was shocked at his embrace, but hated him more for it and pushed him away. "I'm fine" I shouted at him, and left the room. What was he thinking? He's trying to hard now for me to think he's nice. As if a hug would work. I have to admit he'd be a good actor. If of curse I wasn't going to have him locked away in jail for being a killer. I just needed honest proof. The thought of him going to jail made me feel a little better inside know how the "Gopher Monkeys" would fail without a bassist. I could only asume Jimmy was to stupid to be able to play bass. But I guess unlike me, they have other friends who could fill in if they where to lose a member. I looked at the clock on my phone and saw that only a hour and a half had past since I got up. I guess it's going to be another long day. Sarah and Jakc went out to get breakfast, so I guess I wont see them til later cause I doubt any of them wanted to be here, that was just away to leave. Jerks not taking me with them. I went into my dark room and sat down on my bed. It wasn't very comfy. The blankets on it was still all nice and neat since I didn't sleep in here last night. I looked around at the emptiness of the room. I didn't have much of my things here, cause I didn't want anyone to get a hold of my belongings. I couldn't wait to leave New York City, I hated it here so bad. The bust streets make it in possible to go driving, and the cold wheather was killer. I went over to the window and opend it to feel the breeze, it was cold but it felt good. I watched all the cars going down the streets, and on the side walk there was a person here or there. Sometimes it was a family walking together, seeming happy to be with them, or a couple holding hands. I wanted to flip thos people off, but I chose not to, for whatever reason. I went back to my bed and laid down on it. I left the window open, letting the cold air in, it didn't take anytime before the room got really cold, making me shiver some. And I was to lazy to go and close it.