Continued From: Death to The Heart
Kita laid to the floor in her cell. Her body ached and her mind screamed from overload. Aizen beat her like she had never be beat before. Even Lord Nnoitra showed her more mercy than what Aizen gave her and he wanted to kill her at the time of their fight. She drug herself to the bedside, trying to lift herself up on the edge of the bed only to find out her right hand had been broken as well. She fell back to the floor tears once more stung at her eyes. Now more than ever she wished she could teach herself how to ignore her heart and mind when it started weighing on her like it had so many times since she took the life of Toshiro Hitsugaya.
"Was it really worth it?" A tear trickled down her cheek pooling on the floor. "Toshiro, Kisuke, Juushiro... Tsukiro..." She coughed horsley. "I have lost everything that means something to me."
She rolled to her back placing her almost under the bed in the cell. She gazed through slitted and bloody eyes. Her world held a red tinge now that her eyes were damaged from Aizen. Her thoughts on her friends. One in particular. Tsukiro.
“He is another that I have hurt dearly in all this. I am sure when he and I met in person the beating I got tonight will pale compared to what he will do to me.”
Her world then started spinning, turning dark and she could no longer keep her mind active. No matter how hard she tried not to fall asleep her ailing body and mind took over and shut her down. Her resting mind took her far away from the pain entering her into a dream state. A state she had not visited in weeks.
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Tsukiro lay on his futon in Kisuke’s shop in a similar position: on his back, staring at some random spot on the ceiling that he had concluded was water damage. The spot was about the size of his fist. He randomly wondered if the shop had a second level, then that thought was succeeded by him wondering what Kisuke could possibly be doing up there. Then again, it was Kisuke Urahara’s shop. He could be doing anything.
Of course, a mere random water damage spot did little to stop the gears of Tsukiro Ashimitsu’s mind. Usually, he ignored the constant generation of thought and useless information. But tonight…
Not so much.
Kita was all he could think about. However, surprisingly, his thoughts weren’t dark and disturbing. They were sad. They pitied her. They wondered what she was doing right at this very moment.
Was she thinking about how she had run his captain through with a dagger? (Okay, so maybe his thoughts weren’t exactly clear.)
Was she sorry?
Did she feel horrible?
Did she feel anything?
Of course, Kotaishi, the master of sucky timing, just had to open his muzzle.
You are angry with her, but you don’t hate her, do you?
Hate her? I barely know her!
Yet you trust her.
TRUSTED her. Past tense.
Trust can be renewed.
You sound like a librarian.
How about you ask her for her side of the story?
What the hell are you rambling about?
You’ll see what I’m talking about in just a second.
What? Kotaishi wait--
Suddenly, Tsukiro was washed over with the familiar sensation of falling from far up, then everything went dark.
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A field. Luscious and beautiful. Flowers of every color, smell and shape was growing around her and the sound of a brook, bubbling close by. It was Spring again. At least in her mind. A season of renewal and rebirth. What was her thoughts trying to tell her? She walked toward the the crystal clear brook through the tall grass. Her eyes fixed forward. Her thoughts far away. The birds sang a soft tune as they fluttered around tending to their nests and newly born young. Apple blossom mixed with cherry blossom drifted in the gentle breeze. Slowly and diligently Kita stepped forward toward the water. It looked inviting as it called her name.
Her feet were wet as she slowly took another step. The water climbed slowly until it met her waist. Her mind nowhere if anywhere as she kept walking forward. Finally, the water was over her head and Kita disappeared into the depths of the brook.
Tsukiro found himself only a couple of yards from where Kita was. He watched as she was submerged in the water. For a second, he wondered what she was doing. Then he realized that wasn’t nearly as important as why he was here.
He walked up to the stream and stopped at the edge. He peered down into the water and found himself staring at the top of Kita’s head.
The dark side of him cursed the fact that they were in a meadow and not a training grounds, so he had nothing to attack her with.
The more human side of him thanked whatever forces were at work that this place saved Kita from his wrath.
Tsukiro, not finding it in himself to freeze the water solid with her in it, settled for parting it all the way down to the muddy soil at the bottom, leaving Kita standing in the bottom of the stream, surrounded on either side by walls of water. He gazed down at her, keeping the walls of water in place.
“Why am I here? Did you bring me here?”
Kita was shocked when the water parted then surrounded her. She turned slowly to see Tsukiro standing on the bank. His words hardly audible to her ears. She gave him a dumfound look and replied.
“Kill me.” A single tear rolled down her cheek. “I can’t take this pain and grief any longer.”
Several responses came to mind: “With pleasure,” “You don’t have to ask twice,” and a few others--more vulgar ones.
However, what left Tsukiro’s mouth was, “Why should I?”
“I thought I could do this, but I was wrong.” She shook her head. “I was so very wrong.”
Something in Tsukiro finally snapped and he send the water crashing back over her. He gathered it below her and used the superfluous amount of water to lift her up. Then he sent her flying back across the other side of the stream. He froze part of the water above the stream into a makeshift bridge and followed across to the other side.
“‘You were wrong?!’” He raged at her. “That’s all you have to say for yourself? You beg me to kill you, you whine about how much pain it caused you, and then you tell me it was wrong?!”
Tsukiro gathered more water and threw it at her with nothing less than the force of a rogue wave. It crashed over her then flushed out to the sides, sinking into the ground. As pissed off as he was, he hadn’t done it to hurt her. He merely wanted to scare some sense into her. He gathered another wave around himself but let her utter her next words.
Kita coughed and choked on the water forced over her, but she did not fight off his rage. She knew it was coming, and she knew more would follow with what she had done.
"I know it will not suffice, but I am sorry for causing you more pain, Tsukiro."
A vein bulged in his neck from him clenching his teeth so hard in anger. He sent another cascade over her and advanced toward her. “No! Don’t you dare! You don’t get to apologize to me! Not after making me witness the same cold, dead look on that face again!”
He sent another wave and then pulled it back, bringing her with it. He reached out and caught her by the front of her kimono and held her up in the air.
“I’ve done nothing but feel pain and suffer for over a century. I’ve done nothing but think of all the things I wanted to do to the bastard who ripped my family apart. I even have a bankai attack especially for him. Did you know that?”
He threw her across the other side of the stream.
“And now, the bastard is the least of my worries! All because of you! You don’t you dare, ever apologize to me! You hear me?! I don’t want you to apologize! I want you to tell me why!”
Kita coughed and choked again as she laid on the other side of the bank. She slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position her hand and arms still holding her torso up. Her head hung and she dare not look into his eyes. Her pain was enough, she did not want his coursing through her as well.
“He would not let me return.” She looked up at him not making eyes contact. “I had to make him believe I was still on his side.” She slowly glanced into Tsukiro’s eyes. “I had to betray the ones closest to me to get Aizen to accept me again.” Pausing for only a moment to cough up more water she continued. “I was the only one that Aizen would not suspect. The only one that Aizen would not kill the second I stepped back into Las Noches.” She lowered her head once more. “But right now; I welcome death over this pain I feel.”
“Welcome to my world!” Tsukiro yelled at her again, though not as viciously this time.
He walked forward and crossed the water, freezing the surface underneath his feet as he walked across.
“That pain you feel? It’s called being human! It’s called having a heart! It’s called caring about somebody! That pain is what I have to live through every day. Yes, grief may not be the same as anger or rage, but they can stem from the same things.”
He reached her and knelt down next to her. He grabbed her jaw and made her look at him directly in the eyes. “And you still haven’t fully answered me, but now I have a new question. Why did you have to go back so badly, and don’t you dare give me this ‘Master Ulquiorra’ bullshit! I want the truth!”
Looking deeply into his eyes she told him. “Aizen has to be stopped at all costs. He has caused so much pain and destroyed so many lives. Kisuke, Juushiro, Ichigo, Toshiro and Momo… you and so many more that could be named. He has destroyed everything that you all live for.” She pulled away from his grasp and cast her eyes down again. “And as Toshiro has always told me, ‘It is my job.’”
Tsukiro, once again, put together the last few pieces of the puzzle, but what he found when it was finished, he did not like one single bit. “You’re playing Aizen. You’re doing the same thing Captain Hitsugaya was doing. You’re working from the inside. You’re making Aizen think you’re on his side, when you’re actually…”
Tsukiro was at a loss for words. He stood up, turned and walked back towards the edge of the stream. He stared down at his reflection. Kita may have done the unforgivable, but this act had not come only at Hitsugaya’s expense. Kita had sacrificed everything just to bring down the king of all evil, Sosuke Aizen. She had killed Hitsugaya, betrayed Tsukiro’s trust, and had lost all of her friends just because Sosuke Aizen would not stop his greedy, selfish, power-hungry conquest. She was trying to bring him down, while dragging herself down in the process.
Kita watched as Tsukiro stood at the bank. Tsukiro whipped around and looked at her. “Why--?” he was about to ask, except when he laid eyes on Kita again he got the fright of his life.
Laid out before his eyes Tsukiro watched as Kita lived through the beating Aizen had given her hours before. Broken bones that protruded through flesh; arms, legs, hands and ribs. Gashes on her face and body. Her left arm and leg looking like mangled meat from brakes and the dislocations. Her blood pooled all over the floor and under her. A gash on the back of her head and the side. Both eyes swollen shut and black and blue. Her hair soaked red from blood. Her lips split in three places and oozed blood. Her right hand crushed and her torso had four holes punched through it. One where her heart is. Two close together in the stomach region and one close to her neck. Her uniform was torn and hardly hanging on as the blood held it to her flesh. She hung her head and spoke.
"He is not dead. I sealed him. I could never bring myself to kill. Especially, Toshiro. He is everything to me."
Her last sentence clicked in Tsukiro’s head when nothing else could.
“He is everything to me.”
He knew that feeling all too well. And because of that, he could imagine what kind of pain killing someone who meant that much to a person would bring. And Tsukiro, in the midst of his own anger and pain, hadn’t realized that Kita’s pain and sacrifice was much, much larger than even Tsukiro himself.
At this point, he was still angry at her for not at least attempting to tell him this in the first place. However, that was completely over-shadowed by what she had just told him, what he had just saw.
Tsukiro felt sick to his stomach. While he was cursing her name, Aizen was beating her senseless. He couldn't bare to look at her now, but he couldn't bring himself to look away.
Tsukiro would have time to curse at himself later. For now, Tsukiro did the only thing he could in that moment. He walked back over to Kita and sunk down to the ground beside her. He gathered her in his arms and hugged her against him.
"I'm sorry, Kita. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't..." Tsukiro choked on his words, but found his voice again.
"I'm going to kill him," Tsukiro said in a tone that was more growl than anything. His tone was animalistic. "I'm going to rip him to shreds until there's nothing left but a bloody mess. He will not get away with this!"
Kita wrapped her arms around him immediately and hugged him back. It felt so good to be held and even a slight bit forgiven.
"I so badly wanted to tell you all, but I could not. It was too risky to leave Las Noches and for some reason I was not picking up on anyone in my dreams."
Tsukiro held her tighter. “You couldn’t help that. Some things are beyond our control. Other things are forked roads with shadows and demons trailing down both sides. But we still have to choose, because in life we don’t get to turn around and go back.”
He turned his head slightly to whisper in her ear, “Just promise me that, when he finally turns his back to you, you’ll give Aizen more hell than what he ever deserves for what he did to you.”
She softly smiled while in his embrace. “I promise he will get much worse if I get to have my way about it.”
She pulled back slightly and looked into his eyes shaking her head.
“You can’t tell anyone about this. Not even Kisuke. The more that know, the more there is a chance that Aizen will learn the truth.” She shook her head again as tears stung at her eyes. “I will not let Toshiro’s sacrifice be in vain. I will live through this pain the best I can and I will finish what Toshiro started. I will bring Aizen down with the help of the Soul Society.” Her eyes overflowed with determination.
Tsukiro nodded. "I agree, but you don't have to do this alone. I may not care for how you've done things, but I'm with you all the way. No one should have to go through what you have alone."
“What can you do? I am alone in this if I like it or not. If Aizen even get a slight hint that any soul reapers are talking to me it is over. He will kill me where I stand.” Kita pulled away from him and turned. “He does not know this yet, but in time I am sure he will learn… I am no longer in touch with my seraph powers.” She looked over her shoulder at Tsukiro. “The whole reason he captured me to begin with.”
"I may not be able to help much, but I'm sure there has to be some thing I can do. Even if it's indirectly. I don't care how alone you think you are. You're not."
Kita smiled warmly looking away from him once more. “Thank you, Tsukiro. That means a lot to me, but I don’t want to drag you into something that could get you hurt.” She turned around looking at him, raising her hand she touched his cheek. “Or worse… Killed...”
Tsukiro opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it and closed it. Instead, he nodded. "Alright. Just promise me you'll be careful."
With a nod Kita lowered her hand. “I promise. As long as you promise you’ll visit my dreams from time to time so I can have a friend to talk to. Mr. Topps is not much on conversation just listening and grunting on occasion.” She gave him a warm smile as she felt a pull on her energy to return back to the hell she was living. She looked back over her shoulder like someone was walking up behind her. “I have to go…” She turned and started to walk away as she looked back at him one last time. “Remember, this is our secret. Tell no one.”
Tsukiro nodded. "I promise," was all he said before he was pulled back to his own reality.
Continued To: The Cure
