Wizard of Yu

[Yusuke, Kurama, and Puu make their way through Maize Castle until they come to an area with a small cottage made of corn stalks. A metal statue of Hiei stands nearby, in position to summon the Dark Flame.]

Yusuke: Well, well, if only Hiei could see this.

Kurama: Hiei?

Yusuke: Oh come on, you guys use to pillage together, don’t you remember.

Kurama: I do not recall any pillaging; I apologize for any inconveniency that we may have caused.

Yusuke: It’s in the past now. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say this statue had amazing life-like quality to it.

Hiei: [statue muffled] Hn.

Yusuke: [shocked] Did you just hear the statue make noise?

Kurama: Perhaps it is motion-censored?

Hiei: [statue muffled] Hn.

[Yusuke waves a hand in front of the statue’s face and then bangs on the head. There is a hollow echo. Yusuke shrugs.]

Hiei: [statue muffled, angry] Hnnnnn. Foo-

Yusuke: Whoa. Well, if Botan is in a bubble and you’re a scarecrow, could this really be Hiei?

Kurama: There does seem to be deposits of rust around the joints.

[Yusuke and Kurama investigate around the Hiei-statue. After circling around, Yusuke notices the buttons up the front are plastic with different inscriptions.]

Yusuke: Hey Kurama, you know how to push Hiei’s buttons?

Kurama: Why do you ask?

Yusuke: Because I can’t decide between pushing “tease about sister” or “comment on lack-of-height.”

Kurama: [looking at buttons] Perhaps we should try the one about “saying the word ‘hot’”?

Yusuke: That settles it, we’ll push all three!

[Yusuke pushes the top, middle, and bottom buttons. Steam fumes out of Hiei’s hat. The joints squeak as they are forced into movement. Hiei reaches for his sword, pulls it out, swings it, then holds it under Yusuke’s throat.]

Hiei: Say your last words; and they better be good!

Yusuke: Whoa! It really is Hiei.

Hiei: Of course I am, you fool!

[Hiei starts swinging his sword at Yusuke. Yusuke keeps his eye on the blade, continually dodging the strikes. Then Yusuke lifts his arm and closes his fingers together, stopping Hiei’s blade.]

Yusuke: Sharp as ever, I see.

Kurama: I am relieved that we were able to free you from your stationary stature.

Hiei: Hn. That’s no excuse to be pushing buttons.

Yusuke: So why were you standing there all rusted up?

Hiei: I was about to destroy some fool who insulted my Jagan eye when they threw corn cobs at me. The kernels popped from the intense heat of my attack and gummed up my joints with time and decay to add to the effect. I suppose now you two will have to do on facing my wrath.

[Hiei poses as if to summon the dragon.]

Yusuke: Whoa! Have a heart, we’re your friends!

Hiei: Hn. I don’t have “friends,” those are a crutch for the weak. And I don’t have a heart; I’m the perfect fighting machine without feelings.

Yusuke: I bet if you come with us to Spirit City, the Wizard would give you a heart.

Hiei: And why would I need such a meaningless object?

[Yusuke grabs a corn cob from a nearby stalk and fiddles with it.]

Yusuke: It would keep all this corn from gumming up your gears, we are in a corn maze right now. So much for the “perfect fighting machine.”

[Hiei folds his arms with a growl.]

Hiei: Very well. I’ll go with you until we are out of this maize, but once we reach this wizard, our alliance will end.

Yusuke: Fair enough, I suppose. Let’s get going.