Hi I'm Dranzerstorm
You may remember me as a regular contestant on the caption battle contest.
Welcome to Retro Retrospective, my world dedicated to the old guard of the Otaku world; expect some reviews of the old & obscure, and in-depth geeky knowledge with the occasional top ten and I now have a logo.
Little info about me
Well I'm British and I'm in to all things animated and nostalgia.
I've grown up with every cartoon going and have watched hundreds of anime.
Oh and to answer a question I was asked once, no I don't wear glasses in real life, I would wear Loke's sunglasses though.
There are times that I question the insanity of some celebrities, it's bad enough that MC Hammer made a cartoon but I bet few people know that Chuck Norris also made one. Get ready for Karate Kommandos.
In 1986 Chuck Norris took on the form of likeable action hero for much of his early career following a starring role next to "better" rated action star Bruce Lee in Way of the Dragon; at this point much like many of his contemporaries Hulk Hogan & Mr.T became marketable to the youth of that era, so much so that Hanna Barbara successors Ruby Spears took it upon themselves to create action cartoon Karate Kommandos starring Chuck Norris himself alongside a cast of cliches and stereotypes fighting a generic villain called the Claw (No not that one) and Shredder's whiny cousin Super Ninja.
This series ran for five episodes for one week in September 1986 a month before my own birth but also had a brief run on Adult Swim many years later. There was also a Home Video release with a DVD release under the classic Hanna Barbara label.
It can be best remembered for numerous groaner scenes and dated plotlines that defined many action cartoons of that era but I call it a GI Joe knock off run by a terrible actor, I've no doubts about his athletic ability or his martial arts but as an actor he is utterly terrible and the fact that this cartoon only lasted a week is not going to get him a free pass back to stardom, regardless of the amount of Chuck Norris facts he gets.
Still need convincing? Here's the intro.
It looks far too much like a bad toy commercial, enjoy the badness that is Karate Kommandos.
You know there are some days where the Anime I review just can't be reviewed and today is one of them; I present the weird and wonderful Elf Princess Rane.
We meet Go, an over eccentric explorer trying to find any kind of discovery that gives him excitement which gets better when a tiny elf ends up with him and together they must find the four hearts which I'm guessing by the readable dialogue has something to do with the four beasts which for some reason represent theme park attractions.
The so called villain or the innocent bystander villain is Takuma who speaks in backwards dialect and does chicken dances when he's happy and has a wacky hairstyle. Lead character Go also has at least six identical sisters bordering on Nurse Joy levels of identical; three are in a rock band, one works for Takuma, one works for a shrine and the other is part of the Fire Department who don't fight any fires.
Elf Princess Rane also speaks in Random language which sometimes switches to normal and she's followed by a little witch called Leen who either wants to kill her or make out with her, she's easily forgetful.
Oh and there's the childhood friend Mari who is the only normal character in this whole production which is only two episodes long, they even had the nerve to ask for more money but I certainly wouldn't give them any.
I watched this OVA both in Japanese & English and still can't work out what's going on, while the subtitles do help a lot more I get the feeling Media Blasters had their work cut out for them as there is a scene where Takuma is giving a speech in his backwards language and the subtitles if read closely says "buy all our anime products from Media Blasters and while your at it buy some from our rivals Bandai and Animego as well"
If even Media Blasters had to go that far just to work with this show then this one is a no hope.
Final Verdict: It makes no sense in any language, in fact I can make more sense of Excel Saga in Spanish.
Anime can offer a lot of things to western cartoons but what can western cartoons do for Anime? Lets experiment by listing the Top 10 Anime that would benefit from Disney. (Disney being the most obvious one to start with) Honorable Mention: Nadia Secret of Blue Water, Kiki's Delivery Service & Sailor Moon
10. Rose of Versailles
A classic series from a bygone age of anime about a daughter of a king's guard growing up as a man but later torn between duty and feelings, it also has the earliest examples of Yuri. While the woman disguised as a man trick was already done with Mulan it would easily work in Disney hands. The French Revolution lends itself to some beautiful scenes and enough elements to make it work as a full length film on the same level as Hutchback of Notre Dame.
9. Fruits Basket
If Disney can make this work it would use a number of elements that made the show a hit such as the animal transformations, something Disney is already well versed in, and can still run a good love story and actually make me cry, something which Fruits Basket failed to do despite the content.
8. Turn A Gundam
While I don't think it can emulate the cruel and unforgiving plot of a Gundam Series, it can however use Turn A's cast very well. Loran Cehack makes for a decent protagonist, Dianna Counter makes for a good Princess and Gym Ghingnham makes a great villain, the steampunk fashion also lends itself nicely to a good story.
7. Tsubasa & InuYasha
I couldn't decide between these two as both are listed for the same reason but different elements. The whole small group on a big adventure works nicely for both shows. Tsubasa has a protagonist and a princess that would suit Disney's requirements while InuYasha gives Disney an excuse to try a story in feudal Japan. While I don't think it can use Rumiko Takahashi's Action or CLAMP's personal touch I still think their worth a try.
6. Princess Tutu
I think Disney curse the fact that they were beaten to the Swan Lake story by another company and the fact that their last attempts at ballet involved an alligator & a hippo. So if they want ballet, a story with Swan Lake elements and a great story then they should try this, it even has a duck as the lead transforming into a beautiful girl, it really works for them.
5. Negima
I was annoyed by how much Ken Akamatsu missed the point of how a fantasy series works, he's not that kind of writer and never will be. So if you could make a good fantasy, give Disney a shot at working with Negima. If done right it could make a lot of money in merchandise.
4. Mermaid Melody
I could put any Magical Girl show on this list but I chose this one for the element of song and the fact that they're Mermaids. It remains one of the few anime series with villain songs which is a staple of a good Disney film, plus with all the color and marketable mermaids available the Disney Princess line will be full of color coded pop stars voiced by Hannah Montana knockoffs.
3. The Sacred Blacksmith
I hate all the missed potential this show has, you can add so much to this but every time it just continues to miss it, which is a shame because the story is really good and would make a worthy replacement to the god awful Black Cauldron.
2. Twin Signal
To be honest I've never seen Disney do the robot thing right so why not try this one. You've got memorable characters, decent action and enough to play with to keep it friendly with the target audience.
1. Zatch Bell
I always think of this show as "It's about a boy in a dress playing with a Pocky Box" obviously there's more to it than that. I've watched a number of scenes in AMVs and the only song I can hear is Randy Newman's "You've got a Friend". I was never a fan of Zatch Bell but the Toy Story treatment will do it justice.
Part two of the Pokemon double feature moves on to Top 10 Pokemon Trainers. Haters Gonna Hate
10. Zoey
A character who in fandom has become more of a prince than any male character, Zoey can guarantee to make anyone swoon in appreciation.
9. Jessie
I wouldn't have bothered placing her on this list but makes up for it with style and reached a new level of awesome when she became a contest regular; well considering that her personality is a mirror of her own mothers, it comes as no surprise.
8. Paul
Gary Oak may have been arrogant but is considered the nicest guy in the world compared to Paul, and he actually works better in the long run as Ash's rival as he's the first one to actually challenge Ash's training style and force him to become stronger.
7. Gary
Of course I have fond memories of Gary as well, although not as arrogant as his first appearance, Gary sticks in peoples heads as the one trainer you wanted to see defeated and once he was defeated he pretty much left the show.
6. James
James appears much higher on the list because his back story gives him great character development. His personality shines through his Pokemon as well when you look at how much love he receives from them in rather amusing ways.
5. Cynthia
Probably the best Pokemon Trainer in the world, ultra cool and always strong and actually does more than just show off her power, Cynthia will always remain the benchmark for all trainers.
4. Ash
Rated lower because Black & White made him stupid, Ash is every Anime fans first protagonist, you follow his endless journey, and you wonder if he'll ever succeed, he manages to avoid the "Miracle Rookie" label that plagues many substandard cartoons and watching some of his achievements you actually feel proud of him.
3. Misty
I'm not the only one who misses Misty. Misty is every Anime fans first Tsundere even if you don't learn the term until much later on. Misty's outer shell is mostly Tomboy but hides a very feminine personality along with huge maternal instincts beyond her years. I'm sad that she won't come back but considering that she's now a powerful Gym Leader with a friggin Gyarados, I'm actually pleased for her.
2. Brock
Brock is Ash's longest serving traveling companion and is well known for being the world's biggest flirt. But here is a question: Why wouldn't you want to be with Brock? He can cook, he enjoys cleaning, he's great with kids, a decent Pokemon trainer, he's actually studying to be a Pokemon Doctor and will devote his life to you and yet he's not married! Poor Brock, the creators just like to troll him.
1. Dawn
I'm going to anger a lot of purists for this but I largely believe that Dawn is the most perfect character you're ever going to see in Pokemon because she is the most human. She has real faults, makes mistakes, learns lessons, has dreams, has fun and reacts to every situation with real emotions. I accuse Ash of being typecast into a typical idiot male lead, I accuse Brock of being the creators plaything, I even accuse Misty of not reaching her potential when the opportunities arose; the only thing I accuse Dawn of is not enough screen time.
As requested by Nimbusoak who wanted to see a Pokemon feature but Pokemon being such a huge franchise, lets divide this into two lists, to begin with Top 10 Pokemon.
10. Ash's Buizel
Featured as a main team Pokemon throughout the Sinnoh league and able to match the likes of Lucario, Buizel is always ready for any challenge.
9. Brock's Croagunk
Despite spending most of his time as a foil for Brock's flirting, Croagunk seems to serve the job better than Max & Misty previously, the look on his face is priceless.
8. James' Mime Jr
I wouldn't picture Mime Jr ever being part of Team Rocket but considering how childlike James' innocence could be sometimes it actually makes a lot of sense.
7. Mewtwo
As voiced by the great Dan Green, a tragic Pokemon who spent his birth process in a dreamlike world alongside a clone of Dr Fuji's dead daughter who was his only friend until she died during the cloning process, Mewtwo responded by killing everyone on the island in Pokemon's most brutal scene. His hate has subsided a bit since being free of Giovanni but makes a return in the latest movie to fight Genesect.
6. Meowth
Voiced by the late Maddie Blaustein, Meowth is the charismatic talking Pokemon of Team Rocket. Driven by love to talk and walk like a human and a hatred for his evolved form, Meowth will never grow any stronger but makes up for it with personality and frequently feels sorry for Pokemon who share his problems.
5. Ash's Charizard
He's here for one reason and one reason only, for someone of my generation who watched him refuse to fight and make Ash lose, told me that lead characters are capable of losing and made Ash a better character for it.
4. Dawn's Piplup
Dawn's Piplup is mostly here for facial expressions as they are some of the most priceless of the Diamond & Pearl saga. Piplup likes to pretend to be Dawn's knight and emphasizes that by refusing to evolve.
3. All Lucario
The most bad ass Pokemon of all time and the only non legendary to get his own movie, whether it be the companion of a knight or the fighting therapist of Gym Leader Maylene, Lucario has never been disappointing.
2. Ash's Infernape
Out of all the Pokemon owned by main characters not even Pikachu has had as much back story as Infernape did. Beaten to death by Zangoose and abused by his former trainer Paul, Ash trained Infernape into a huge power house that featured probably the best League match in Anime history.
1. Ash's Pikachu
But it's automatically clear who number one is, of course it's going to be Pikachu, I mean he is Pokemon. Grossly over powered and insanely loyal, don't expect the franchise to ever drop him from the series even if we fall out of favor for Ash.
