Hi I'm Dranzerstorm
You may remember me as a regular contestant on the caption battle contest.
Welcome to Retro Retrospective, my world dedicated to the old guard of the Otaku world; expect some reviews of the old & obscure, and in-depth geeky knowledge with the occasional top ten and I now have a logo.
Little info about me
Well I'm British and I'm in to all things animated and nostalgia.
I've grown up with every cartoon going and have watched hundreds of anime.
Oh and to answer a question I was asked once, no I don't wear glasses in real life, I would wear Loke's sunglasses though.
To round out really terrible month I'm going to finish with Noah's Ark; the title is in Spanish as it was made in Argentina.
It opens with a visual representation of the seven deadly sins which ends up with them getting killed or enslaved.
We then cut to god and his angel disappointed in humanity for it's sins and plans to bring judgement day but after seeing the kindness of Noah he leaves it to him to be the saviour of mankind and animals alike but you know this already as I assume most readers know the bible story.
The animal kingdom goes through the notions of who to put onboard the ark with the central character being lion prince Xiro, but other predators hope to overthrow the prince by framing him for eating herbivores which they swore an oath not to do onboard the ark.
So its up to Xiro to come to his senses about the responsibility of being a ruler and bringing order to the animals.
Oh yeah the uncut version has alcohol and drug references, along with furry sexual innuendo, some more blatant than others.
I did watch the clean version way back and was only reminded of the film when I watched SaberSpark's youtube review on it but having watched the extra scenes it does come across as awkward to see in what is the most well known bible story.
While the uncut version does clean up some plot points and character motivations the strange design choices of the animals having a mixture of normal, bipedal and anthropomorphic is distracting with the feeling that the more anthro characters were just made to satisfy a minority group of fans.
It's interesting, I said with a strained smile but not out right terrible, I do like the idea of God being jealous of other religious scriptures and his design is more refreshing than the white bearded Gandalf type were used to.
But the rest of it's choices were questionable at best, wtf at worst but at the very least it's memorable only for the wrong reasons.
An uncut version is difficult to find so I suggest watching SaberSparks review on Youtube.
Whenever I cover a 00s cartoon I'm reminded of how unkind that decade was to animation and as were still in really terrible month I'm going to try Bratz.
Lets see how long I can go without vomiting.
Yasmin, Cloe, Sasha and Jade run a fashion magazine called Bratz in the town of Stylesville which is in direct competition with the magazine "Your Thing" run by a caricature of an older Paris Hilton named Burdine Maxwell and her interns the tweevils as she tries to ruin the Bratz, this plot mixed with poor CGI animation and the same tired school sitcom plot that Disney and Nicklodeon insist is still popular is pretty much the entire series of Bratz only occasionally trying something different with a tv movie or two.
This series is pure corporate crap, only a toy company could possibly design this and it shows and I name this as the reason why girls cartoons fail miserably; but why do girls cartoons fail in the west while girls anime in Japan thrives?
Simple it's variety.
Take the latest precure, five characters each with their own personalities, standout features that allow you to tell them apart and each having their own goals; They even have interesting villains.
Bratz on the other hand, you can't tell them apart, their personalities don't differ much from each other and the villain is a half ass step mother and ugly step sisters from Cinderella.
Even Europe with Winx Club is better as you can at least tell them apart and they standout if only because their bodies are as impossible as Jessica Rabbit's body.
While they have learned from their mistakes it still pains me to know this was still created and some critics agree as that's what got it cancelled, well that and a change of voice cast.
Bratz is a trend we should avoid, we already have a real life Bratz Doll in Kim Kardashian we don't need anymore; it's lazy, it's creepy, it's a poor influence on young girls and it's so dumb that I actually consider Barbie a better choice. That's the same as picking a slighty better poison, they'll still kill you just one will do it faster.
If you thought the last review had violence, the Germans clearly disagree as they have Felidae. Slight warning the subject I'm discussing is very disturbing so read with caution.
A cat named Francis has just moved into a new neighbourhood and already there's trouble as cats are being murdered on a near daily basis; with help from Bluebeard, Francis discovers a suicide cult in which cats are willingly electrocuting themselves as it's soon discovered that the place linked to all this was a former animal testing lab and the cult aims to create a master race of cats by selecting worthy individuals through this twisted process further hinted at with the nightmare sequence of Scientist Gregor Mendal ripping apart cats with strings.
This is disturbing and I grew up with Watership Down a cartoon infamous for animal death.
I'm racking around my brain wondering how this cartoon film was allowed to be made and even more amazed that it was dubbed in English. The sad thing is it's extremely well made both story and voice acting but graphic deaths of cats in gruesome detail makes every other disturbing scene you've grown up with seem tame in comparison. Your sick Germany your sick.
The things I watch just to be able to review them. This is Mad Bull 34.
New York is a place overrun with crime and in charge of dealing with it are the 34th precinct lead by Mad Bull and his partner Daizaburo. Mad Bull's methods of dealing with crime mostly involve ultra violent over the top killing whether it be guns or explosives strapped to his ummm crotch as he makes it his mission to rid New York of organized crime and each episode is a different case but you can guarantee that you'll get sex, violence and out right left field bonkers scenes as this was pre dvd era and I didn't have much anime to choose from growing up. I'm glad in a way we left this era behind because it only reinforces the negative stereotypes anime gained from it's early days in the west, so different anime is today that Goblin Slayer is considered horrific to watch yet rape and murder fills out the entire run of Mad Bull 34 and got a home release without being challenged so has the world gone too soft or has anime changed for the better. I'd go with the former seeing as shock and awe is still a tactic some directors still use even if the regulations tighten up.
Final Verdict: Mad Bull 34 should serve as a reminder as to why we don't dominate the medium with ultra violence anymore, it's crude, uncomfortable and just insane and you'll call Goblin Slayer a kid's show by the end of it.
Moving on and I'm still a day behind we review Thumbelina.
In a lone cottage in the woods an elderly lady meets a tiny girl born from a flower. Life progresses as you might think for the tiny girl named Thumbelina as she struggles with her obvious size difference on the farm with many animals singing what the audience already figured out.
It all changes one night when a fairy prince named Cornelius meets Thumbelina and shows her the world. Happy that she's not the only tiny person in the world she immediately falls in love with Cornelius but numerous animals fall in love with Thumbelina and each try and snatch her away for their own nefarious needs often told in terrible songs.
Corny love story is corny and fashion sense is even worse. Don Bluth could have made a bit more effort in making more nightmarish villains but a few love sick animals will have to do. Cornelius was not much help in this, he gets frozen for a bit proving that he's not that good at his job which may turn into a running theme for these reviews.
These days it's easy to make fun of and to be honest Swan Princess is a better Disney knock off which is not really a compliment. It's any wonder the princess and prince characters have changed so much considering what we had growing up.