One of my favorite literacy pieces is Romance of the Three Kingdoms, ironically my favorite game is Dynasty Warriors so for a special top ten here are my top ten favorite moments from Romance of the Three Kingdoms.
Note that all entries must reference the original source material or in some cases at least make sense in context.
Honorable Mention: Zhang He’s Dance Ending
Wei General Zhang He is no stranger to being fabulous and emphasizes this best in an old Dynasty Warriors ending where he gets his whole army to dance; made even funnier in the dub when you consider that his voice is also fabulous, but misses the list as it’s obviously not accurate to the source material.
10. Meng Huo & Zhurong’s Escape & Captures
When the Nanman tribes came into the story, the Shu army didn’t know what to make of the husband and wife team of Meng Huo & Zhurong who constantly kept getting captured until eventually they conceded defeat and joined the Shu ranks.
9. Yueying & Her Pets
Yueying on her own is the most unique of all the females in the original story, she was said to be plain looking with red hair and a small tan, when you consider standards back then she would be considered ugly, especially when other females were depicted as being either stunningly beautiful or warrior women. The story depicts her challenging various suitors to dare remove her veil; however it was Zhuge Liang who saw through the whole thing, and approached Yueying not for her beauty but for her brains. Although Yueying’s pets aren’t accurate to the source material, it is still insanely awesome to have ancient Chinese tanks shaped like Tigers that shoot fire.
8. Jiang Wei’s Arrow Catch
During a battle, strategist Jiang Wei dropped his quiver, when that happened he accidentally caught an arrow aimed at him, he returned the arrow and killed his assailant Guo Huai in one shot, I always complain about Jiang Wei being a cheap imitation of Zhou Yu, and his strained dub voice doesn’t help but does restore some pride with this scene.
7. Sun Quan Kills Zhang Liao
Zhang Liao has been a thorn in Wu’s side since the battle of Hefei, so it makes it all the more satisfying when Sun Quan takes him down with one stab to the torso in such a bad ass way, the cut scene I reference is the one in DW7, when Zhang Liao attacks Sun Quan, but is held off by Lianshi & Ding Feng which follows with Sun Quan killing him with a single stab. Again it’s not that accurate but makes sense in context and is awesome.
6. Dian Wei’s Last Stand
In a defiant standoff against increasing attacks, Dian Wei was able to protect Lord Cao Cao during his escape from an enemy compound, it would’ve been considered a noble sacrifice, but Cao Cao decided to hire the man who masterminded the whole thing. It’s been said that Cao Cao didn’t care much but lamented losing Dian Wei, along with Guo Jia & Xiahou Yuan up until his death.
5. Guan Yu’s Last Stand
But Guan Yu gets bonus points for a noble sacrifice and managing to kill the General who committed the murder through haunting him to death, so says the entry on the Battle of Fan Castle. Lu Meng was already sick but was finished off by the attack, Guan Yu stood defiant in a death not much different to Whitebeard’s in One Piece.
4. Zhang Fei’s You Shall Not Pass
Zhang Fei maybe a prolific drunk but at the battle of Chengban he stood at the bridge and let out a massive warcry, loud enough to scare off the pursuing army. This scene is in the source material.
3. Xiahou Dun’s Eye
If you’re squeamish, then I suggest you skip this entry. During a fight against Lu Bu’s troops, Xiahou Dun was shot in the eye by an arrow, and this is the squeamish bit; he plucked out his eye and ate it, not joking, he ate his eye. Not just bad ass and defiant but utterly disgusting as well.
2. Zhao Yun’s Epic Rescue Mission
Back at Chengban and while retreating from Wei troops with peasants, Liu Bei carelessly left his baby son behind in a garrison. General Zhao Yun plows through a storm of troops, retrieves the baby and proceeds to plow through the troops again to return the baby to his father. Sadly what stopped this from being number one is Liu Bei then throwing the baby to the floor and scolding Zhao Yun for putting himself in unnecessary danger.
Liu Bei apparently said in the source material that Generals were like limbs and women & children were like clothes; you can replace torn clothes but you cannot replace lost limbs; For a man who dictates benevolence, he’s quite an ass hole when it comes to family matters, he even over looked his son for Emperor of Shu insisting Zhuge Liang become Emperor instead.
1. The Battle of Chibi
It is the defining moment of the whole of the Three Kingdoms story when Wu & Shu collaborated in a fire attack that destroyed the entire Wei Navy.
Pang Tong acted as an insider and tied all the ships together, Lu Su drew Cao Cao’s troops north to distract him from the place of attack, Zhuge Liang prayed for the winds to change direction to South East, (Romanticized, In reality it is implied that they obtained the knowledge from a local fisherman) Huang Gai acted as a traitor before crashing his ship into the fleet and setting the whole navy on fire, a defector within Wei also blocked the escape of Cao Cao and his men. They were then chased out of Chibi, Guan Yu had a chance to finish them off but his honor didn’t allow him to harm Cao Cao as a return for him giving Guan Yu mercy when he was captured. It would’ve been kinder to kill Cao Cao, he was left to wallow in defeat until dying of natural causes not long after Guan Yu.
The entire plan was all down to Zhuge Liang, China’s greatest strategist. A victory which marked the three kingdoms era.
Once Upon a Time in the 60s, British band The Beatles decided to make a cartoon of themselves, they didn't like what they saw and saved animating for their Yellow Submarine.
After that the Osmonds & the Jackson 5 also tried their hand at their own cartoons, and a new genre was born.
Back then it wasn't unusual for a celebrity to be animated and turn up in Scooby Doo, but appearing as yourself in your own cartoon was something else.
The core of the 70s also found other celebrities wanting to give it a try, this time being sportsman such as legendary boxer Muhammad Ali & performance Basketball team the Harlem Globetrotters.
Muhammad Ali would be an adventure hero while the Globetrotters became weird superheroes, but the cartoon scene also worked for comedy acts as well.
Laurel & Hardy had a lengthy run in the 60s under Hanna Barbara, the late Gary Coleman used a character from one of his films to create his own show and lastly Bill Cosby's project Fat Albert & the Cosby Kids, which trademarked the catchphrase "Hey Hey Hey!"
The 80s on the other hand saw the big muscled icons step into the fray with cartoons from Chuck Norris, Mr T & Hulk Hogan, each one keeping to the extended toy advert style that so defined 80s cartoons.
But its in the 90s where everyone wanted to give it a try, so I'll divide this group into categories.
Music Stars
I believe I've already covered Hammerman, MC Hammer's overly ambitious cartoon project but this is gold compared to other celebrity cartoons such as "New Kids on the Block" & "Kid N'Play", the latter is some rap duo that even I've never heard of and I'm a 90s child.
It got better in the 00s with Class of 3000 by Outkast front man Andre 3000 restoring some pride in self promoting music stars
Comedy Actors & Stand ups
The problem with trying to appeal to a lower age group is that kids would never have heard of you, this was true with shows like "Life with Louie" & "Bobby's World" with Louie Anderson & Howie Mandel, both of which I've never heard of but I've seen both cartoons and Bobby's World was actually quite good, but I wouldn't have guessed they were both celebrity cartoons at the time. Animated film fared no better when Rodney Dangerfield thought it was a good idea to create a cartoon film about him as a dog called Rover Dangerfield.
Who here remembers Roseanne? Yes even she made herself a cartoon and was more than happy to ruin a number of other cartoon characters with it, with a number of pointless cameos. But the worst of this group is Dr Katz, the shaky animated adult cartoon, promoting the works of comedian Jonathan Katz; it's on my list of 100 worst cartoons.
Sportstars
When I say Micheal Jordan you automatically think Space Jam, that is true but not the one I'm on about, in the early 90s Micheal Jordan joined Ice Hockey hero Wayne Gretzky and Baseball & Football star Bo Jackson in a very cheesy cartoon where they help kids and stop evil bad guys with rocket shoes and the powers of love & friendship and recycling, yes the 90s legacy was unkind to the Captain Planet generation.
Movie Stars
A couple of real failures first: John Candy's "Camp Candy" didn't exactly fare well, Macaulay Calkin's "Wish Kid" didn't last long in another screw on his terrible downfall and Pamela Anderson thought she was still Baywatch's number one when she made Stripperella.
It wasn't all bad though, Rick Moranis actually took a backseat in his own cartoon "Gravedale High" about a school for monsters, (No not that one, sweet jesus not Monsters High) Gravedale High was a charming little series if not strikingly similar to alien high school cartoon "Galaxy High"
The Olsen Twins were quick to respond with teen spy cartoon, "Mary Kate & Ashley in Action" which goes nicely with all their other crap films, to be fair on the cartoon it wasn't that bad, passable at best.
Bruce Willis had great fun with his creation "Bruno the Kid", where the title character convinces an international spy organization to hire him using a 3D avatar of Bruce Willis making them think he's an adult, it's a little silly but great fun as well and Bruce has lots of fun singing the opening theme.
But the cream of the celebrity cartoon is "Jackie Chan Adventures" where Jackie is an archeologist getting dragged into an Indiana Jones plot, with it's own tagalong kid and crazy old guy.
Japanese Stars
The Japanese aren't exactly immune to this either, Eriko Tamura made herself into a downtrodden heroine in Idol Densetsu Eriko, which gets rather uncomfortable to watch quite early on.
Punk band Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi took their cartoon idea to America, to promote the new wave of Japanese culture hitting the shores in the early 00s, although Puffy AmiYumi is basically the Dirty Pair if they were rock stars.
Finally the most obscure comes from Saban when they made a show about Japanese Magician Mariko Itakura called "Tenko and the Guardians of the Magic", It was meant to make up for losing Sailor Moon but failed to go further than one season.
In this day and age, the celebrity cartoon is more or less extinct, which considering what we did get is probably for the best.
No you're not reading the title wrong, it makes sense in context.
I went to a Japanese Culture convention a couple of days ago and wandered what anime truly represent Japanese Culture?
This list features ten such anime along with their subject matters to better describe what I'm talking about.
10. Sports - Initial D
It was a choice between numerous sports titles such as Eyeshield, Hajime no Ippo, Slam Dunk, Captain Tsubasa & Princess Nine, and Bamboo Blade came really close but nothing is more Japanese than illegal street racing with modified cars. This series is coming to an end real soon.
9. Advertising - Nurse Witch Komugi
Tiger & Bunny originally came to mind but the concept of that show is more American than Japanese so we come to spin-off show Nurse Witch Komugi, where idols perform as marketing models for various companies, it seemed to also work as an advertisement for Tatsunoko as a whole.
8. Business - Salaryman Kintaro
Goldenboy was considered, but Salaryman Kintaro is more business based. It's about a former fisherman turned Salaryman which is another term for a businessman, in order to fulfill a wish for his departed wife. The business world in Japan is surreal to an outsider, most Western societies wouldn't be able to cope.
7. Cosplay - Cosplay Complex
I would never choose Comic Party so Cosplay Complex is the next best thing. To name all the anime references in this show is an achievement in itself.
6. History & Martial Arts - Rurouni Kenshin
It was really tough to choose between so many martial arts anime, but I think the best one has to be Rurouni Kenshin. The Samurai is a good choice warrior & the Meiji era is often seen as more popular in terms of writing than other eras. It should've been Sengoku Basara but said show is far too over the top.
5. Folklore - Inuyasha
A strange choice but nevertheless, Inuyasha plays with more Folklore than most anime, playing on numerous Folklore tales using Rumiko Takahashi's signature styles.
4. School - Azumanga Daioh
Again there are many school titles but Azumanga Daioh trumps them all thanks to ADVFilms guide to the Japanese references, I learned more about Japan in this series than any other.
3. Gaming - World God Only Knows
Okay he does nothing but play dating sims, but Keima is still a gaming genius when you consider what he owns in hardware, plus it's the only video game anime to actually play by Gaming logic.
2. Sentai - Ultraman
The only one on this list to be more popular live action than anime. Ultraman is the obvious choice when it comes to Sentai, more so than other classic mecha series or homages to Ultraman itself, out of all the giants that have walked the streets of Tokyo, Ultraman stands on the same level as Godzilla.
1. Japan Official Mascot - Doraemon
But who should represent Japan as a whole? Pikachu? Hello Kitty? Hetalia's Japan? Hatsune Miku? (We can only hope) Anpanman? (Getting warmer) None of those, it's Doraemon; made in the late 60s, Doraemon is Japan's national cartoon, no other series can claim that title nor can it's closest opposition steal it from them. Very few cartoons in this world can claim the same title as Doraemon, what makes it even more amazing is that it hasn't been tainted by modernization, nothing has changed from it's core structure for nearly 45 years.
Welcome to my semi regular news section, Endless Wardrobe, a post for things that don't need a full post.
So What am I Working on?
Walk of Fame should finish off it's current theme of Chinese Heroes.
Back on Retro Retrospective we have....
A top ten list with a Japanese theme, if that sounds weird, there's a reason for it and you'll see why.
Anime reviews for Rune Soldier & Creamy Mami.
Dirty Pair week won't be until late August at the earliest.
Kyatto-Ninden Teyandee review is also in the works.
The promised video game feature is on hold.
Shezow is cancelled until further notice.
Cartoon Vault will be welcoming two more entries.
On Victory Script
Ballard of Goldena Moonlight has begun as well as Pokemon Behind the Anime.
Keima Katsuragi vs the World is in planning stage.
First anime ads will be posted hopefully in two days.
Victory Script story will hopefully start soon.
My OC will be introduced with other characters very soon.
There's also a special short story fanfic on the 3 Kingdoms.
Now for some bad news
Well it's not bad, it's just that I'll be away from 7th August until the 13th, so you can see why I have so much planned, for the next week or so.
And now just for fun
Here's a picture of Chibi Squid Girl
Slow news day an all.
Whenever I cover cartoons from my home nation, I only seem to comment on the lousy ones but today's vault entry is special, this cartoon, next to Wallace & Gromit is our finest cartoon ever created, presenting from 1990 the Dreamstone.
The Land of Dreams is separated by a light & dark side, on the light side we have Noops, no not "Noobs" Noops which can be best described as a cross between a troll & a dog, who live and work in the Dreamworld not much different to humans while the Wuts who just look like alien dogs defend the land from the darker side of the realm known as the Land of Nightmares from a population known as Urpneys which resembles the traditional troll but with large noses and large colored spots; they are led by Zordrak, a truly terrifying looking beast, that resembles a traditional evil dragon with the voice to match; he was once a Dream Maker but kept creating nightmares which eventually made him into his current monstrous form. Zordrak wants the Dreamstone, a special gem that creates all the dreams in the dream world; in charge of this beautiful gem is the merlin-esque head of the council the Dream Maker who also has a pet literal dogfish named Albert. That pretty much sums up the setting and basic plot, now for the story itself.
The main character is a Noop named Rufus who does nothing but daydream, some of his dreams need to be seen to be believed as they have some beautiful scenery and great orchestra music from the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Sadly for Rufus his daydreaming costs him his job, however his friend Amberley suggests that he works for the Dream Maker, seeing as his daydreaming makes him the most qualified. He gets the job despite a few mishaps but inevitably gets involved in Dream Maker's battle against Zordrak.
Dreamstone follows a simple formula of plot of the week, where the enemy always tries a different method every week to attempt the same task, tried and tested, nothing special but what makes Dreamstone special is a combination of beautiful vivid scenery, incredibly well done music soundtrack and a truly terrifying looking villain. Going back to the soundtrack, it really had some care and attention put into it, as a CD track costs around £70 which is about $107 on the current exchange rate, it even has a celebrity backed track called the "War Song of the Urpneys" sang by British Rock God Ozzy Osbourne, Former Heavy Weight Boxer Frank Bruno & Scottish Comedian Billy Connelly; even the main theme "Better than a Dream" was re-released by Katie Melua just last year.
Dreamstone is proof that Britain can make cartoons, I just wish they did it more often.
